Unofficial visit

[SoCal_Dad]

There's really nothing wrong w/ parents asking a few questions here and there. It's not taboo. But since so many parents fail to grasp their role (ie, it's the kid being recruited, not the parents), I can certainly appreciate the advice of silence.

Parents should engage in parts of the conversation....just avoid jumping in and answering questions directed to your DD. There are a lot of "helicopter" parents out there.....try not to be one of them!

Parents should definitely avoid interjecting themselves while the coach and DD are engaged with each other. At appropriate times, an alternative to asking the coach a question directly is to ask/remind their DD about a question they planned on asking.

Parents should focus on supporting their DD in the process. Their behavior should be geared to make their DD feel as comfortable as possible - definitely avoid triggering a negative response from them.

 

[Greenmonsters]

Parents should definitely avoid interjecting themselves while the coach and DD are engaged with each other. At appropriate times, an alternative to asking the coach a question directly is to ask/remind their DD about a question they planned on asking.

Parents should focus on supporting their DD in the process. Their behavior should be geared to make their DD feel as comfortable as possible - definitely avoid triggering a negative response from them.

Disagree. How much effort is it for a kid to write down a few questions in advance? Shows some forethought and preparation, which a coach should be happy to note. As a parent, at the end of these meetings I asked whatever questions I felt I needed to in order to learn what type of person I potentially was entrusting to work closely with my DD for 4 years.

 

[SoCal_Dad]

Parents should definitely avoid interjecting themselves while the coach and DD are engaged with each other. At appropriate times, an alternative to asking the coach a question directly is to ask/remind their DD about a question they planned on asking.

Disagree. How much effort is it for a kid to write down a few questions in advance? Shows some forethought and preparation, which a coach should be happy to note.

Hmm, you curiously omitted my preface of "at appropriate times", which implied throughout the visit. I agree the DD should be prepared to ask questions, but disagree they should be checking a list throughout. I also tried to be clear the questions were ones the DD intended to ask.

As a parent, at the end of these meetings I asked whatever questions I felt I needed to in order to learn what type of person I potentially was entrusting to work closely with my DD for 4 years.

Please provide some examples. IMO, you can learn more by watching them run a practice and/or coach a game. Spend part of the game sitting among parents of current players and part where you can see inside the dugout.

 

[sutherlandfinch]

While I certainly agree with precautions not to come off as the helicoptering parent- I don't think I necessarily agree with a standard approach to all coaches.

It's too stiff and not very realistic to the situation. You're trying to connect with the person in front of you. Don't be so busy trying not to be "that" parent. It's ok to want to know where she will fill her water bottle between workouts��

Read the room, read the circumstances, read your environment.

They (coaches) are not asking you to be a good houseguest. They're asking you to (potentially) join the family. Show them who you really are. Parents and all.

Everyone looks good on the first date. But if you expect to have a successful four years - being on your best behavior is not enough.. Be real. This is your kid for crying out loud. No amount of money is going to replace a bad parenting call where you chose to bite your lip rather than voice your concern or just ask a question.

In our house, DD's busiest time was between her freshman and sophomore years. If I was going to buy plane tickets to the south, east, Midwest, or wherever...There had been enough phone conversations to make our comfort level with the staff and University pretty relaxed. Big school or small school- it didn't matter. that's my daughter and we were on a fact-finding mission. If it was a dealbreaker to be involved, so be it.

If DD felt relaxed,I felt relaxed.

Most conversations were between the head coach and DD. However, the further she was asked to travel (potentially)- more often than not -the coaches wanted to speak with the parents.
They're not stupid. They knew that it would have to be OK in our house to let our daughter go halfway or all the way across the country to go to college and play softball, no matter what the offer was. Most coaches want to get to know the parents. If they don't...... Well that's up to you,but in our house it was a red flag.

Family before everything still applies today. And the little talked about aspect to that is that most schools like that.

Maybe it's the way I'm reading some of the threads but it seems like there is an impression by some that with the big programs and the massive commitment to be in those programs comes a cold, all business, employee- like approach. And through this process I have found that to be absolutely the reverse. It's not a job, it's a lifestyle.

Which brings me to a small but important point. If you're looking at a school- Juco to Division I and the alumni and parents are still involved ,You probably have a quality situation in front of you.

I still run into coaches from time to time that were involved in DD's recruiting process and most get handshakes and hugs. I truly believe that the reason we are still on good terms even though things may not have worked out is that from initial contact,Wayback in the day, they got the real version of my kid and her family. We came prepared to all of our visits, we asked important questions, stupid questions, and we spoke to everyone that could potentially be involved in her day-to-day life .....But that wasn't for them.....That was for my kid.

I hope that helps.
L

 

[SoftballMom2]

Thank you for all the input, advice and PMs with suggestions!! While we plan to let DD take the lead and let her ask/answer the Coach questions, when the time comes, we aren't just going to hand her off to any school unless she feels its a good fit. This is her/our first unofficial visit...wasn't sure what to really expect. Coach did tell DD wants her to see their facilities, the campus and watch practice so she's excited...