Playing in College- DD's disappointment

[Sweet Lou]

I didn't read all the posts but has she considered a more academically oriented D III school that might better fit her softball and academic lifestyle? Sorry if this has already been suggested.

And best of luck to your DD on finding her dream school on shot #2.

 

[SoCalASABlue]

SCAB - I like your intentions too but will one "salesy" overnight really expose an environment that does not support a sports AND scolastic performing young lady?

It certainly did for DD. I don't know about you...but if I were the coach and found out my "team sponsors" (mostly juniors and seniors) did this with unsigned and under-aged recruits we'd be having a serious "come to the light or hit the bricks" meeting.

 

[disappointed]

Thanks for the good wishes and all the suggestions. A few additional comments based on some of the comments. First, I can assure you this has nothing to do with my DD being used to jumping ship or changing teams. She played for her high school because she loved representing the school and playing with girls she'd known since childhood. They were not good but she enjoyed it. As for travel ball, she played on the same team from 14 years old. Was recruited by organizations that would have probably gotten her better recruitment exposure but she loved her team and coaches.

She's not looking for a dry campus- just a different team atmosphere. Here are a couple of examples of team "activities." School has a homecoming parade where most of the athletic teams walk/ride and give out candy etc. Softball players all get together before the parade begins (morning parade) to get tuned up a little- I mean seriously- for a parade? Team goes to the basketball game to support basketball team- great idea! They leave at halftime to go drink and then return for 2nd half (some were drinking before game). DD is just looking for a team where the team activities don't always involve drinking. We think she can do better than where she is. I'm hopeful we can find a match. Will be contacting other teams that recruited her and have already talked to some former and current players at a couple schools.

D3 is definitely something we will look at this time around. DD didn't want to first time because she wanted a slightly bigger school. The other problem is the price tag. Although she is a great student and would get some academic money- many schools still have a steep price tag. Not sure we can reconcile paying $1000's of dollars or going into debt for her to play softball.

I agree with OILF in regards to reporting some of this behavior- it is something that has me struggling internally. But, DD is definitely on the outside of this team which puts her in a hard spot to call people out. And yes, like RB says- if she wants to get out with a release and a good recommendation then she needs to just get out.

This is going to be a process and I hope our experience can help others.

 

[Cannonball]

There are schools out there at the D-II level where academics and athletics do matter for the athletes. My dd has received several academic awards along with many of her classmates. Sure, some have dropped off along the way. However, those that have maintained the grades are definitely not picked on. In fact, on the road, and for study groups, those players are in high demand at my dd's school. My dd is always doing peer review etc. on papers for other teammates as are several others. So, that type of team disappointed is looking for is out there.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

RB -

Interesting quote here. My dd's freshman year of pitching saw these same struggles early on. My dd shook off several dropballs called from the dugout, and as a result got benched for a few games. After she figured out that the coach wanted several dropballs thrown in a row, her pitching time increased to starting every other game and she appeared in 30+ games. As the season progressed, she was allowed to sneak in other pitches that allowed her to increase her strikeout numbers as the year progressed. Ultimately, she had to figure out for herself, that in order for her to pitch at the college that she chose to attend, she had to pitch the pitches that were called from the dugout.

As to the OP, my dd got lucky that she, and her entire team, had to attend mandatory study hall. My dd was also allowed acess to tutors, if requested. My dd's coach had a drug testing program that the team participated in and had a zero tolerance to illegal drugs and alcohol, which he let every recruit know before offering a scholarship or tryout.

My introvert dd had an advantage to many of the girls on her softball team, she had a vehicle on campus. It was amazing how many girls would talk to my dd when they needed a ride to the store or to the fast food restaurants. Luckily, gas prices were down this year, so it didn't hurt too much providing her extra money for gas.

I do get joy watching my dd smile and bond on the softball field. My dd struggled early on with her pitching identity and had to make a choice, to adapt or stay head strong and do it her way, and try to play at a different school next year.

Just to clarify - if DD's school had the right academic program for her (she realized her dream major mid-freshmen year) she would have continued on and maybe had a similar outcome. Who knows. It's just sad when the dominant majority of the team has a scholastic mindset of "wow I/we suck,....isn't that funny,....., not gonna do anything to change that - like study,...he he ha ha, ......let's just live our carefree sleepover-mentality-life here at college". Yes they have access to tutors etc too. I think that's pretty common. I originally thought that academic performance was more of a priority, except for the largest D1 conferences, and that has been the biggest disappointment for both DD and I.

 

[Coach JV]

Not saying you are intentionally making the categorical statement about small D1 and D3 but that's wrong. I can tell ya first hand. Then I hear too many dedicated softball players going to D3 only to be confronted by players & organizations there that would choose not to play on a given day if they had a hangnail..... What dedicated SB player wants to be confronted with rec-ball attitudes in college..?

RB-It looks more like you are compartmentalizing college softball. Lets all bear in mind that softball is a taxi ride to
to a profession. I have visited dozens of schools from Maine to Florida and there are 'rec ball' attitudes at every level.
I have a friend who is a HC at a D1 program who recruited a very good pitcher a couple years back. In her Frosh year
the team worked on bunt coverage and she stayed in the circle. He asked what she was doing, her reply:
"I pitch, I don't cover bunts" now she plays at a community college.

My question to you, is this the teammate you want?

 

[disappointed]

I thought I would come back to this thread and post an update. DD has been at new school for 3 weeks. So far she is doing great. Loves the professors in her major, likes the girls on the team etc. The process of finding a new school didn't take as long as we anticipated. We started by reaching out to coaches who had recruited her the first time around. A few coaches said their rosters were full- which I appreciate because DD's old coach continues to take new players to the point that this year he will not be able to travel all of his players - some of who were recruited (but I digress). One coach stood out. This time around she asked different questions. Very direct. And she got good answers. She also knew multiple players on the team from her club team and one former high school teammate. She talked to them and asked them questions. Like I said in earlier posts- DD knows there is drinking and partying in college and it doesn't bother her, but when she told the stories from her former school her new teammates were flabbergasted.

Once we got DD home this summer and had a chance to talk with her I was even angrier. I count at least 3, probably 4 NCAA violations happening. So glad to get her out of there- she can do better. So far, from social media and her best friend from the team- the same things are happening again this year. Three girls with highest character and best grades left the team and transferred (including DD) so unfortunately it is culture that has developed there.

New coach was able to come up with good money and her good grades from year 1 got her good academic money. She is having a good fall so far softball wise and you can see the happiness with the game back in her which is what I've been waiting for.

So here is more advice for those of you still on the journey. Do your homework. I ended up doing some of it too late. Go look at old rosters and particularly old stats. Previous years stats weren't available on the website so I had to go to conference website (at old school). It was clear that if you didn't play as a freshman you didn't play while you were there. That was one of the deciding factors for DD to transfer. To me that meant either players didn't get developed or coach didn't give others a chance. In this case it was some of both. I wish I had thought to look at that while recruiting. Ask tough questions. DD asked good questions in round 1; she asked tough questions in round 2. Don't be afraid to ask about the things important to you- grades, discipline, play time, whatever. If a coach is evasive or says there are no discipline problems be wary. Try to find out the culture of the team and the school as a whole. If the school is out of state from you or unfamiliar, you may have to do some digging. We found out later that this school was known as a big party school and that the softball team was known around campus (and the conference) as boozers. Listen to what a coach is really saying AND consider your DD's talent, skills, personality etc. For example, if your DD is a great hitter and a coach says his team is "built on pitching and defense" think twice because the better defense is going to be in the lineup first. If you can hit you can play does not always hold true, trust me. If a coach says "if you can hit I have to find a spot for you" and your DD is great on defense but not a great hitter- don't be surprised if someone who is crappy on defense but hits the heck out of the ball is in the line up.

I could probably go on but won't do so now. I am the bitter one in our family. DD is moving on with grace- very proud of her. I feel like a year of her life was stolen. What her first coach promised and "sold" to us was so far from the truth it is laughable now. Lots of talk about character and integrity. Some coaches talk about character being important, but there is nothing farther from the truth. If you are the best player you are on the field no matter how many team rules you break. If you don't mind that attitude it is fine. But, if you are looking for more out of the experience then you should make sure to find out the answers.

That is enough ranting for now. My hope is that DD has a great final 3 years of her career, gets a good education and makes some good memories. Good luck to all of you out there trying to find the right fit. It's not easy.

 

[Greenmonsters]

I thought I would come back to this thread and post an update. DD has been at new school for 3 weeks. So far she is doing great. Loves the professors in her major, likes the girls on the team etc. The process of finding a new school didn't take as long as we anticipated. We started by reaching out to coaches who had recruited her the first time around. A few coaches said their rosters were full- which I appreciate because DD's old coach continues to take new players to the point that this year he will not be able to travel all of his players - some of who were recruited (but I digress). One coach stood out. This time around she asked different questions. Very direct. And she got good answers. She also knew multiple players on the team from her club team and one former high school teammate. She talked to them and asked them questions. Like I said in earlier posts- DD knows there is drinking and partying in college and it doesn't bother her, but when she told the stories from her former school her new teammates were flabbergasted.

Once we got DD home this summer and had a chance to talk with her I was even angrier. I count at least 3, probably 4 NCAA violations happening. So glad to get her out of there- she can do better. So far, from social media and her best friend from the team- the same things are happening again this year. Three girls with highest character and best grades left the team and transferred (including DD) so unfortunately it is culture that has developed there.

New coach was able to come up with good money and her good grades from year 1 got her good academic money. She is having a good fall so far softball wise and you can see the happiness with the game back in her which is what I've been waiting for.

So here is more advice for those of you still on the journey. Do your homework. I ended up doing some of it too late. Go look at old rosters and particularly old stats. Previous years stats weren't available on the website so I had to go to conference website (at old school). It was clear that if you didn't play as a freshman you didn't play while you were there. That was one of the deciding factors for DD to transfer. To me that meant either players didn't get developed or coach didn't give others a chance. In this case it was some of both. I wish I had thought to look at that while recruiting. Ask tough questions. DD asked good questions in round 1; she asked tough questions in round 2. Don't be afraid to ask about the things important to you- grades, discipline, play time, whatever. If a coach is evasive or says there are no discipline problems be wary. Try to find out the culture of the team and the school as a whole. If the school is out of state from you or unfamiliar, you may have to do some digging. We found out later that this school was known as a big party school and that the softball team was known around campus (and the conference) as boozers. Listen to what a coach is really saying AND consider your DD's talent, skills, personality etc. For example, if your DD is a great hitter and a coach says his team is "built on pitching and defense" think twice because the better defense is going to be in the lineup first. If you can hit you can play does not always hold true, trust me. If a coach says "if you can hit I have to find a spot for you" and your DD is great on defense but not a great hitter- don't be surprised if someone who is crappy on defense but hits the heck out of the ball is in the line up.

I could probably go on but won't do so now. I am the bitter one in our family. DD is moving on with grace- very proud of her. I feel like a year of her life was stolen. What her first coach promised and "sold" to us was so far from the truth it is laughable now. Lots of talk about character and integrity. Some coaches talk about character being important, but there is nothing farther from the truth. If you are the best player you are on the field no matter how many team rules you break. If you don't mind that attitude it is fine. But, if you are looking for more out of the experience then you should make sure to find out the answers.

That is enough ranting for now. My hope is that DD has a great final 3 years of her career, gets a good education and makes some good memories. Good luck to all of you out there trying to find the right fit. It's not easy.

Thanks for sharing, hopefully it helps others on the recruiting road to keep their eyes wide open. Great to hear that your DD's journey has taken a happy turn. DFP is an excellent place to vent and get it out of your system. Last year is over and done, its a new year with a new school and new experiences on the horizon. Relish her softball exploits and treasure watching her become a strong, confident, independent young woman. Man, does senior year come quick!

Good luck to you both!

 

[pizza-boy01]

I am the bitter one in our family.............. I feel like a year of her life was stolen.

As is so often the case, life's most important lessons are often the most unpleasant to go thru. I certainly don't want to sound glib, but IMO, she's actually been given a great gift. Through a bad situation, she's been given the opportunity to develop a healthy-skepticism that will serve her much better in life than a .400 BA. And in one short year, she'll come away with a genuine understanding of her own strength, and her ability to persevere; I'm betting that's more than most grads come away with in their entire 4-5 years. She'll be all that much stronger for it. That's an education all of our DD's could use, and your's still has 3 years to take advantage of her experience.

Sounds like she's in a great place now, best of luck to her. And thanks for sharing your story; its life's lessons learned the hard way, but I certainly wouldn't look at it as time wasted.

 

[disappointed]

As is so often the case, life's most important lessons are often the most unpleasant to go thru. I certainly don't want to sound glib, but IMO, she's actually been given a great gift. Through a bad situation, she's been given the opportunity to develop a healthy-skepticism that will serve her much better in life than a .400 BA. And in one short year, she'll come away with a genuine understanding of her own strength, and her ability to persevere; I'm betting that's more than most grads come away with in their entire 4-5 years. She'll be all that much stronger for it. That's an education all of our DD's could use, and your's still has 3 years to take advantage of her experience.

Sounds like she's in a great place now, best of luck to her. And thanks for sharing your story; its life's lessons learned the hard way, but I certainly wouldn't look at it as time wasted.

You of course are exactly right. Guess I just needed to get that out of my system. I couldn't have scripted a better way for her to learn that things don't always go as planned and people don't always tell the whole truth when they want something for you.