Parenting advice for a Softball Dad

[burpee]

I just recently discovered this forum and I am excited to see all the great advice and knowledge exchanged here. I could use some advice from you parents of HS / College bound players about how to best support my 16YO DD. She has always enjoyed the game and has been successful playing up. Not a superstar but a hard worker and consistent performer.

DD always did well at Rec ball and always moved up early. We were a little slow getting into the TB scene. She played B level travel ball for the last several years. She was successful and had fun but did not win a lot of games. She made the High School JV team as a Freshman and intends to make the V team this spring as a Sophomore. She gets frustrated when she sees other girls not taking it seriously or not working as hard as she is. She wanted to see if she could hang at the next level. This fall DD went out for the local 18U team, not expecting to make the team, just mainly for the tryout experience. This team competes successfully in regional and national tourneys. She was placed on their 16U feeder team - 2013 is her last season for 16U eligibility.

DD is a little intimidated on this new squad. Compared to the other girls her skills are more raw, but this was not a surprise. The coach told her when he selected her that she was raw but he saw coachability. She would be the #3 catcher and would have to share playtime. In the recent fall tryout tourney she initially struggled, but as the weekend progressed she did well. This is a very successful team. They won the whole tourney. This was my daughters first tourney trophy in 4 years of travel ball and she was thrilled.

Now we're in the doldrums of the off season in the northeast. She is in the middle of her Sophmore year and we are a little behind schedule in looking at colleges. DD said for the past couple years that she would like to play ball in college, but now she is struggling with self confidence issues after recent events.

I don't care if she plays or not. In the car on the way home from games she talks about how much she loves it. I want her to do this because it's what she wants, not what I want. I'm trying to give her the time and space to make these decisions on her own. But I also know that 16yo girls don't always know what they want, and that she's running out of time to communicate with colleges/coaches, etc. I am trying to figure out how hard to push and which battles to pick. The thread about recruiting advice and D1/D2,D3 schools was very insightful.

I guess I'm looking for a pep talk myself. Any advice or suggestions? Thanks in advance!

 

[BaldNBeautiful]

I would think that a course of action would be to attend winter clinics at colleges/universities that she may be interested in attending. Does she know or have a good idea what she wants to study or schools that interest her?
Getting into camps / clinics and meeting coaches/ seeing schools would be a great way to start focusing on future.

 

[CoogansBluff]

If I were you, the first thing I'd want is a candid assessment of how good my daughter is in the bigger picture. Is she good enough now to draw serious attention from college coaches, or does she need a lot of work? How good does she need to be? What does she need to do to get there? What is realistic?

Tell us more about her team. What national tournaments has this team played in? Are there players on the team who are legitimate college prospects?

There are others here who know more about how to market a player and what opportunities exist. I really don't know how good you have to be to get a softball scholarship. My daughter isn't old enough to where I've given it serious thought. But I think it would be helpful to know what she would be looking at.

But since it's unlikely that any of our children will be able to cherry-pick her school to play softball, what is realistic, and we she want to attend and play softball at one of those schools that would recruit her?

 

[Sparky Guy]

I guess I'm looking for a pep talk myself. Any advice or suggestions? Thanks in advance!

Although late, you are doing all the things you need to do to prepare your daughter for playing at the higher levels. During the winter it's time to start working basic footwork and glovework. Work on quickening reaction time. Make sure she is confident in her ability to field all types of balls from hot smashes, short hops and slow rollers. If you're looking for some good drills order Howard Kobata's DVD's. You'll have plenty to work on . Once she feels good about herself she'll improve as the innings played add up. It's a process and she has to be reminded it takes little steps to complete the journey.

As for college. Start looking at schools for academics first. The #1 question that needs to be answered for every school is "Would she go there even if she wasn't playing softball?" Softball for 99.5% of the girls playing is tool to get their education paid or mostly paid for. The education can be worth millions over the course of her lifetime. If she has designs on very exclusive academic schools softball can be a way to get into the school through a side door. Because, no matter what... It's all about the education.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Don't rule out NAIA schools. Our girls have gotten some really good deals going this route, you can stack scholarships which brings down your "turn key" amount. Not sure where exactly you live but NAIA's around our neck of the woods recruit more localized, some recruit through the HS avenue.......some through travel ball road.

Can't speak for the whole country but I'd compare the NAIA softball programs to D2 in the same area.

 

[sluggers]

Your post reminds me of a story about writing. John Grisham (he wrote "The Firm" and many other books) was lecturing on being an author. Some guy gets up and starts asking him about how to sell his book for a movie. Grisham asks the guy what his publisher thinks, and the guy says, "Oh, I haven't published the book. In fact, I haven't even written the book yet. But, it is going to be really great."

Your DD has a long way to go before you start thinking about college. She does not yet have the skills to play in college--if she did, she would be the #1 catcher. Until she gets those skills, she might as well be wishing she could fly. Sounds like she has the ability, but she has got to get her rear in gear and learn how to catch.

This is a great opportunity to teach a wonderful life lesson. Of course, you should let *her* make the decision about what she wants to do, *BUT* you need to make sure that she understand "the way the world is" based upon your knowledge and experience.

So, what is "the way world is" as to playing sports in college? The college coach will get fired if she loses too many games. Since a coach likes to make her mortgage payment and car payment, a coach will not pick up a kid, especially a catcher, if she can't do the job.

But, playing softball "well" is no different than any other endeavor, whether it is school, a job, or running in a marathon. It takes dedication, work, and honest self-appraisal--three things that teenagers struggle with. So, *YOU* as a father have to be the one who tells her, "Honey, you aren't working hard enough. You suck at XYZ. I'll do anything to help, but *YOU* are the one who has to carry the water." You are going to have to push her, because she doesn't know how much work is actually required. (And, maybe you don't either, but it is going to be work for both of you.)

(1) She has to recognize her weaknesses. (My favorite example is Michael Jordan. Every year, he would look at himself and say, "What part of my game is weak?" He then would attack his problem areas.)
(2) Get her the best coaching you can find. Find someone who knows how to catch and get him/her to teach your DD.
(3) Get her a *GOOD* hitting coach.
(4) She'll need to practice 4 or 5 nights a week all winter long.

The only way for your DD to really become good is for her to attack it. You have to go "all in". Either she is going to jump in right now and learn to swim, or she should forget it and do something else.

I'm sorry if this is too much honesty...but, she is too old for anything else. You don't have the time to be namby pamby about this.

As to playing in college--everything depends upon how good your DD is. A catcher is one of the key positions on the softball team, so there will be colleges looking for catchers all the way until your DD starts college. There will be opportunities--maybe not at UCLA or Alabama, but certainly at D3, D2 and NAIA schools.

 

[joemcq51]

You need to sit her down and talk with her. Is her goal to simply "play" in college? I have seen a few JUCO's and D3's from the northeast, that sound like your DD could play for with no problem. If that is the case, just look for a school that fits her academic needs, that she would attend anyway, and talk to the coach about trying out. Maybe attend a few games this spring at some local smaller schools and see if any of those schools would work for her. If she wants to play at a more competitive level and possibly earn scholarship money, that is another story. My conversation would start with something along the lines of, "You want to have a college pay you to play for them. How hard are you willing to work to earn that money?" IMHO, D1, D2, NAIA and JUCO all have money to give your DD to play for them. These are not need based scholarships, they are earned through athletics. If your DD wants to earn some of it, she has total control over that. The harder she works, the more she can earn. But like Sluggers said, no coach wants to risk their mortgage on a girl who isn't willing to put in the effort. The team she is on now has identified some potential in your DD. Now the ball is in her hand. (and yours) What she does with it, will be a direct result of effort and attitude over the next couple years. Your job as a parent is to motivate your DD to achieve her goals.

 

[PGSAKen]

I would think that a course of action would be to attend winter clinics at colleges/universities that she may be interested in attending. Does she know or have a good idea what she wants to study or schools that interest her?
Getting into camps / clinics and meeting coaches/ seeing schools would be a great way to start focusing on future.

And for boosting her confidence/motivation. She needs a goal to focus on rather than the current situation. Keep her focused on the goal so she can forget the last play. Progression.

 

[MsDinosaur]

You live in the Northeast and DD wants to catch? I would take her to the New England Catching Camp. If you're close to Nashua, New Hampshire, they have weekly clinics on Wednesday evenings. If you're not close, they have once-a-month clinics on the weekends.

 

[JAD]

My biggest advice would be to get your DD into hitting lesson asap and to work as much as you can in the off season on her batting as possible. I tell all of my players and parents - if your DD is knocking the cover off the ball, we WILL find a place for her to play. If your DD is one of the weaker bats on the team, it is easy to keep her out of the line up, unless she is a STUD pitcher!