Need help with a question from a friend.

[PEPPERS]

LadyCharger regardless of where the problem came from the post by bobbyb has great advice I copied it off and gave my daughter a copy and my friend’s daughter a copy. Many people on the forum posted great replies or advice, it happen, it’s over, don’t let it get you down.

I often tell my daughter to be concerned with what you have control over and not to worry what you have no control over. You can only control your reaction to what happen, you have no control over a the coach doing something stupid.

Bobbyb thanks for taking the time to post your reply I thought it was great!!!!!!

 

[bobbyb]

PEPPERS: Thank you very much..that is indeed a compliment.

Lady Charger..it is even sadder that it was a coach aka teacher, authority that would degrade, demeanor a youth till he/she broke a childs spirit enough that they stopped doing something that they loved and affected the youths confidence and head significantly.

I am around a lot of teachers. We have 4 in our own family. This is one of those pet peeves of mine. A coach’s role in school is to teach youth first. Why there are people in teaching roles that can’t even communicate with themselves, let alone someone else…just gripes my bacon and has been the topic of many discussions!

I can understand why you chose to leave the program now…many of your other choices would have been quite an ordeal but you still had choices and its important for you to recognize that.

The point of my post remains the same too so I will repeat it…..Whether it is a pier, friend, adult, coach, teacher or ANYONE else…you absolutely can not let THEIR SORRY BEHAVIORS effect your confidence and how you perceive yourself on a personal level. Again..NEVER!

Its one of those life lessons that we have to learn imo, the earlier the better because you are going to run into it again in your life. The context (from sport to college to work to family etc) may change but the experience will happen again if you don’t learn this lesson. It is what goes on between your ears that determines your confidence and how you perceive yourself…not what goes on outside you and definitely not what someone else’s behaviors are.

I credit my dear mother for this lesson. I dropped out of high school at 17, went into the navy…decide I wanted to work in a field that required a doctorate degree. During that process…many times someone (teachers, friends) behaved towards me in way that I almost let it affect my confidence enough that I stopped. My mother was the one person that had unwavering confidence that I could reach that goal. We had a conversation similar to what we are discussing..and I took it to heart and moved forward and got the degree. Whenever my confidence waned because of someone else…I came back to that conversation with my mother and put the situation in its appropriate place between my ears….and moved on.

When you graduate, you may want to go up to this coach and tell them “thank you, you taught me a value lesson in life.” If they asked what…. explain… “you taught me that I should never let someone else’s sorry behaviors effect my confidence and self worth”.

Then walk away with your head held high and move on to your next lesson in life with complete confidence in your self.

 

[Ivy's Dad]

I credit my dear mother for this lesson. I dropped out of high school at 17, went into the navy…decide I wanted to work in a field that required a doctorate degree. During that process…many times someone (teachers, friends) behaved towards me in way that I almost let it affect my confidence enough that I stopped. My mother was the one person that had unwavering confidence that I could reach that goal. We had a conversation similar to what we are discussing..and I took it to heart and moved forward and got the degree. Whenever my confidence waned because of someone else…I came back to that conversation with my mother and put the situation in its appropriate place between my ears….and moved on.

As a chemistry major in college, I was having trouble with sophomore (organic) chemistry. My academic advisor, who was also my sophomore chemistry professor, suggested that I might want to switch majors. I could of reacted two ways: 1. quit chemistry and change majors 2. Work harder and get better. I chose to work harder. I ended up getting through the course, and did very well in my junior and senior chemistry classes. I had to work so hard in my sophomore chemistry class because my sophomore chemistry professor/academic advisor was not a very good teacher! I ended up going to graduate school and getting my Ph. D. in chemistry.

My DD didn't start playing softball until this past March when she was 12 and in sixth grade. She decided she wanted to try out for the middle school team in seventh grade (the first year students can try out), and started learning the game. Many of the people she knew who had been playing softball since they were 7 told her not to bother, that she would never make the team. Many times she would get discouraged and want to quit. I told her she had two choices, quit or work harder. So far she has always chosen to work harder. She has progressed rapidly (she was a competitive diver for five years, and has always been athletic), and earned the "Most Improved" award at the Nike Softball camp she attended this past July. She is starting her fall ball season, and is one of the better players on the team. If she continues to progress, she will have a very good chance at making the middle school team. We will find out in March if she makes it.

The point of my long winded post is to never let anyone else decide for you what you will try to acheive and what you won't. Sometimes to acheive what you want will require you to work harder. Sometimes it will take longer than you think. Sometimes it will take a path that you didn't expect. The important thing is, if it is something you want to do, keep working towards it. Do not let your goals be defined by others.

 

[bobbyb]

The point of my long winded post is to never let anyone else decide for you what you will try to acheive and what you won't. Sometimes to acheive what you want will require you to work harder. Sometimes it will take longer than you think. Sometimes it will take a path that you didn't expect. The important thing is, if it is something you want to do, keep working towards it. Do not let your goals be defined by others.

Excellent addition Ivy's Dad. Its hard for me to speak without getting windy!

We could of used each other back then....I found bio and organic chemistry interesting and easy...but inorganic chemistry just kicked my tail!

Good luck with your DD on making the middle school team. Sounds like she is in good hands!

 

[Ivy's Dad]

Good luck with your DD on making the middle school team. Sounds like she is in good hands!

Thanks for the kind words. By the time I got home last night, it was too dark to throw. Instead, we did "wrist flicks" under the patio light. My DD asked me this morning if we can go to a softball field this weekend and practice. She is definitely putting the work into it that I told her would be required. If she makes the team, it will be the best life lesson she'll ever get.

 

[LadyCharger]

PEPPERS: Thank you very much..that is indeed a compliment.

Lady Charger..it is even sadder that it was a coach aka teacher, authority that would degrade, demeanor a youth till he/she broke a childs spirit enough that they stopped doing something that they loved and affected the youths confidence and head significantly.

I am around a lot of teachers. We have 4 in our own family. This is one of those pet peeves of mine. A coach’s role in school is to teach youth first. Why there are people in teaching roles that can’t even communicate with themselves, let alone someone else…just gripes my bacon and has been the topic of many discussions!

I can understand why you chose to leave the program now…many of your other choices would have been quite an ordeal but you still had choices and its important for you to recognize that.

The point of my post remains the same too so I will repeat it…..Whether it is a pier, friend, adult, coach, teacher or ANYONE else…you absolutely can not let THEIR SORRY BEHAVIORS effect your confidence and how you perceive yourself on a personal level. Again..NEVER!

Its one of those life lessons that we have to learn imo, the earlier the better because you are going to run into it again in your life. The context (from sport to college to work to family etc) may change but the experience will happen again if you don’t learn this lesson. It is what goes on between your ears that determines your confidence and how you perceive yourself…not what goes on outside you and definitely not what someone else’s behaviors are.

I credit my dear mother for this lesson. I dropped out of high school at 17, went into the navy…decide I wanted to work in a field that required a doctorate degree. During that process…many times someone (teachers, friends) behaved towards me in way that I almost let it affect my confidence enough that I stopped. My mother was the one person that had unwavering confidence that I could reach that goal. We had a conversation similar to what we are discussing..and I took it to heart and moved forward and got the degree. Whenever my confidence waned because of someone else…I came back to that conversation with my mother and put the situation in its appropriate place between my ears….and moved on.

When you graduate, you may want to go up to this coach and tell them “thank you, you taught me a value lesson in life.” If they asked what…. explain… “you taught me that I should never let someone else’s sorry behaviors effect my confidence and self worth”.

Then walk away with your head held high and move on to your next lesson in life with complete confidence in your self.

thank you so much for the advice its a real confidence booster and it helped me realize a lot and look at the situation a little different.

 

[PEPPERS]

Just wanted to update everyone. My friend's daughter won the hardship case and is know on the varsity at her new school.

 

[bobbyb]

thank you so much for the advice its a real confidence booster and it helped me realize a lot and look at the situation a little different.

You are very welcome. That made it worth the effort!