BD, I think you should respectfully talk to this coach. I'd mention that this is the way she's been taught, it produced results in the past, and there's every reason to think she will be among the most productive hitters on the team. Maybe say something to the effect that different coaches teach different things, you respect that, but in your daughters particular case she's been coached by so and so who has produced very successful hitters and your very concerned about changing. If she starts getting technical on you, just ask if she would mind talking to the hitting instructor personally. Don't worry about being "one of those parents". It's better than having your daughter regress. Sorry to hear about this kind of thing..
high school question
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BD, I think you should respectfully talk to this coach. I'd mention that this is the way she's been taught, it produced results in the past, and there's every reason to think she will be among the most productive hitters on the team. Maybe say something to the effect that different coaches teach different things, you respect that, but in your daughters particular case she's been coached by so and so who has produced very successful hitters and your very concerned about changing. If she starts getting technical on you, just ask if she would mind talking to the hitting instructor personally. Don't worry about being "one of those parents". It's better than having your daughter regress. Sorry to hear about this kind of thing..
There is nothing unique or unusual about this...unless you have a large trust fund, you are going to run into the same situation with bosses and/or customers all the time.
1) Make sure your DD is *asking* for you help. She may not be. We all come home from work and complain about our day. That doesn't mean we want our DD or our spouse to call up our boss and try to straighten things out.
2) If you DD wants your help, then the best approach is (a) for her to do what the coach asked a couple of times and then (2) promptly go back to her old method. She should use "smile and nods" a lot.
3) Your DD should handle all interactions with the coach. Time for Daddy to start fading into the background.
Absolutely terrible advice.
The Daddy will probably be branded a nut case who wants to make sure nothing bad happens to his DD, and the DD will be considered "weak". It is a no-win situation if Daddy decides to intervene.
DD has to do this on her own. The only time Daddy or Mommy should intervene is if they believe their DD is at risk of physical or mental injury.
1) Make sure your DD is *asking* for you help. She may not be. We all come home from work and complain about our day. That doesn't mean we want our DD or our spouse to call up our boss and try to straighten things out.
2) If you DD wants your help, then the best approach is (a) for her to do what the coach asked a couple of times and then (2) promptly go back to her old method. She should use "smile and nods" a lot.
3) Your DD should handle all interactions with the coach. Time for Daddy to start fading into the background.
Absolutely terrible advice.
The Daddy will probably be branded a nut case who wants to make sure nothing bad happens to his DD, and the DD will be considered "weak". It is a no-win situation if Daddy decides to intervene.
DD has to do this on her own. The only time Daddy or Mommy should intervene is if they believe their DD is at risk of physical or mental injury.
I'm glad you included this part.
Yea, "smile and nod" - i.e., lie - great way to teach fixing an issue.
As a coach, if a parent came up to me and respectfully and calmly explained that they were paying good money to make their daughter the best they could be etc., I would respect that. I would probably add that if she isn't producing we will be revisiting this. What I wouldn't respect is if she told me she was listening ("nodding") and doing the opposite. Clearly in this case it wouldn't work anyway:
"This (going back to her old way) caused the coach to make it a point to yell out in frustration and told dd that if she didn't swing the way she was telling her to, she wouldn't get any playing time."
You really have nothing to lose. Is she not going to play because the coach might brand you a nut case? Who cares. Smile and nod.
Jmyth
Let me guess--every time a customer or a boss comes to you and tell you do something you disagree with, you immediatley stop everything and start the conversation with, "No, you're wrong. You see, I talked to Joe Pro, and he thinks your ideas are crap. So, I'm going to do things *MY WAY*. Now, don't bother me again about this."
I'm sure the customers are lining up at your door...
We are attempting to teach kids life lessons. Dealing with unreasonable customers/bosses is an incredibly valuable life lesson.
Having Daddy intervene to fix problems isn't teaching the child anything other than to run to Daddy when she has a problem. And, running to Daddy is cute at 8YOA, tiresome at 14YOA, and neurotic at 24YOA.
So, at some point, Daddy has to get out of his daughter's athletic life and let her learn how to interact with coaches. It might as well be now. Sure, she should talk to Daddy for advice, but the interface should be the DD and the coach.
No, it's not lying.
Here is the encounter:
Coach: Suzy, you need to squish the bug!
Suzy: Like this coach? (Suzy demonstrates squishing the bug.)
Coach: Right!
Suzy: Thanks! (Smile and nod.)
Where exactly is the lie?
There is an old Chinese story that comes to mind.
Two students had an argument over whether there were four season or three. Finally, they went to their master. "Master, WangXin says there are three season. I say there are four. Who is right?"
The master never lifted his head. He said, "XinWang." XinWang smiled and walked away.
The other student then asked, "Master, you know there are four seasons. Why did you agree with XinWang?"
The master sighed. "Do you I'm going to waste my time arguing with a guy who thinks there are three seasons?"
Doug: I've been down this road several times over the last 8 years or so...
Let me guess--every time a customer or a boss comes to you and tell you do something you disagree with, you immediatley stop everything and start the conversation with, "No, you're wrong. You see, I talked to Joe Pro, and he thinks your ideas are crap. So, I'm going to do things *MY WAY*. Now, don't bother me again about this."
I'm sure the customers are lining up at your door...
We are attempting to teach kids life lessons. Dealing with unreasonable customers/bosses is an incredibly valuable life lesson.
Having Daddy intervene to fix problems isn't teaching the child anything other than to run to Daddy when she has a problem. And, running to Daddy is cute at 8YOA, tiresome at 14YOA, and neurotic at 24YOA.
So, at some point, Daddy has to get out of his daughter's athletic life and let her learn how to interact with coaches. It might as well be now. Sure, she should talk to Daddy for advice, but the interface should be the DD and the coach.
No, it's not lying.
Here is the encounter:
Coach: Suzy, you need to squish the bug!
Suzy: Like this coach? (Suzy demonstrates squishing the bug.)
Coach: Right!
Suzy: Thanks! (Smile and nod.)
Where exactly is the lie?
There is an old Chinese story that comes to mind.
Two students had an argument over whether there were four season or three. Finally, they went to their master. "Master, WangXin says there are three season. I say there are four. Who is right?"
The master never lifted his head. He said, "XinWang." XinWang smiled and walked away.
The other student then asked, "Master, you know there are four seasons. Why did you agree with XinWang?"
The master sighed. "Do you I'm going to waste my time arguing with a guy who thinks there are three seasons?"
Doug: I've been down this road several times over the last 8 years or so...
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In HS, kids need to own their athletic fate, not the parents. Parents should not be looking to smooth the road for their kids. Be supportive, be there to give advice, but let the kids learn how to interact with coaches and handle the difficult conversations like technique and playing time. If she wants to play in college, she will need to be able to do this. If you think college coaches will be receptive to a parent asking to speak with them about playing time, etc., you are in for a big surprise.
If you are unable to come to a happy medium with the coach there is always to option to play on a spring team. There is no need for this type of coaching in any sport. About two weeks ago my oldest daughter was pitching a game against one a highly regarded organization form the area. One of our batters hit the ball just and it dropped just in front of the left fielder. I would have expected most of our outfielders to make the play. After the play the coach walked down the first base line, in the dugout, and started yelling at this player. This yelling went on for about 15 seconds, then he walked back to the dugout. About a minute later he walks back down the line and starts yelling at the girl again. End of story, we win the game and the coach looks like jerk for yelling at his player .
Last year my oldest daughter played on a Spring team instead of playing for the private school she attended. In a short version the varsity coach moved up all the sophomores from the previous season and two freshmen and left my daughter on the JV team. If my daughter was not good that would not be an issue, to put things in perspective she was the " gold glove and MVP" of the JV team the previous year( pitcher and SS). After much confusion as to what team she was on I finally sent an email to the jv coach asking him. When I informed my daughter of this she decided to play on the Spring team. My wife decided to contact the AD, that was a waste of time( repeated what the varsity coaches attempted to make us believe about my daughter). Finally I sent an email to all coaches and the AD. In the email I called out all the coaches for their lack of decision making, political decisions in determining the roster. Some vindication for my daughter is when she meet a friend from that school, she was told all the varsity coaches were fired. The next vindication will be this year when here team plays that school, would have been better if the old varsity coaches were still there. I could not stop laughing when she told me about the time at winter workouts( as some have pointed out there are coaches that do not follow the rules) the varsity coach was attempting to show the girls how to hit inside and outside pitches. The coach put a ball on a tee to simulate an inside pitch and told the girls to hit the ball farther back in the zone. Next placed a ball on the tee to simulate an outside pitch, told the girls to hit the ball farther forward in the zone. When he was not looking my daughter switched the location of the inside pitch and started hitting the ball.
Best of luck to your daughter!
Last year my oldest daughter played on a Spring team instead of playing for the private school she attended. In a short version the varsity coach moved up all the sophomores from the previous season and two freshmen and left my daughter on the JV team. If my daughter was not good that would not be an issue, to put things in perspective she was the " gold glove and MVP" of the JV team the previous year( pitcher and SS). After much confusion as to what team she was on I finally sent an email to the jv coach asking him. When I informed my daughter of this she decided to play on the Spring team. My wife decided to contact the AD, that was a waste of time( repeated what the varsity coaches attempted to make us believe about my daughter). Finally I sent an email to all coaches and the AD. In the email I called out all the coaches for their lack of decision making, political decisions in determining the roster. Some vindication for my daughter is when she meet a friend from that school, she was told all the varsity coaches were fired. The next vindication will be this year when here team plays that school, would have been better if the old varsity coaches were still there. I could not stop laughing when she told me about the time at winter workouts( as some have pointed out there are coaches that do not follow the rules) the varsity coach was attempting to show the girls how to hit inside and outside pitches. The coach put a ball on a tee to simulate an inside pitch and told the girls to hit the ball farther back in the zone. Next placed a ball on the tee to simulate an outside pitch, told the girls to hit the ball farther forward in the zone. When he was not looking my daughter switched the location of the inside pitch and started hitting the ball.
Best of luck to your daughter!
I think I overused the abbreviations.
I just meant that DD #3's TB Head Coach and her ptiching coach had a chat so they would be on the same page. DD #3 is still in middle school.
The thing is, both of the coaches cam away with a different perspecitive. For example, PC was complaining that the TB coach was puloing DD #3 too soon from games. So, the TB coach explained some of the situations, and asked for PC's opinion. PC said he would've pulled DD #3 even sooner, so DD #3 would have incentive to learn from her mistakes and earn more circle time. So, after their conversation, they both were on the same page as far as DD #3's pitching. By the end of the summer, DD #3 was getting about half the innings.
I do want to mention that the team's OTHER starting pitcher and her family were incredibly supportive of DD #3. They would much rather see their DD as the #2 pitcher with DD #3 pitching well than have their DD as the team's #1 pitcher with DD #3 struggling.
A girl playing college softball is being PAID to play in the form of a scholarship. In high school most parents are PAYING for their DD's to play. There IS a difference.....
Would add that while in High School they are minor children. In college they are adults. As with many situations the rules and expectations change.
