Had to switch teams and feel bad - input needed

[lvthegame]

Hello,

I am looking for some advice from other parents or coaches.

Our daughter tried out and was offered a spot that we accepted for a 10U team. We went to a meeting, completed paper work and paid the deposit. This was over a week ago. We haven't heard a peep from the coach, nor have we had practice.

The opportunity arose for her to try out for another team that is an all around better fit (after we committed to other team). We were conflicted, but weighed the options and decided to let her try out because it made more sense, if she were to make it. She got an offer, she was super excited so we accepted.

We feel awful for the first team. We did email him, were extremely apologetic and said she wasn't going to be able to play. We did not tell him the reason.

Are there any ASA issues with this? Can she get into trouble? Again, we know it was crappy and feel bad. They aren't playing in a fall league and haven't had one practice so we are hoping this makes it just a little easier for the coach.

Your input is appreciated!

 

[grcsftbll]

My feeling is, you have to do what's best for your daughter. It stinks to break a verbal commitment but you were early enough on that I really don't think you did anything wrong. They haven't even gotten going yet, sounds like, so they still have plenty of time to find someone to take her spot. I have no idea about the ASA/official stuff, that's just my take on it.

 

[CoogansBluff]

My feeling is, you have to do what's best for your daughter. It stinks to break a verbal commitment but you were early enough on that I really don't think you did anything wrong. They haven't even gotten going yet, sounds like, so they still have plenty of time to find someone to take her spot. I have no idea about the ASA/official stuff, that's just my take on it.

I agree with this assessment, except I'd be careful with the first sentence - 'do what's best for your daughter.' I know what you mean by it, but too many people take that statement literally as an automatic default position, even if it means exploiting other people. There are times when it is more important to do what's best for somebody else.

In this case, I can only put myself in the shoes of the head coach of the team. I expect that I'd be very understanding, especially if I got to keep the deposit. I don't think the OP was trying to leverage or take advantage of a situation, and it's early enough that the damage, if any, is minimal.

 

[grcsftbll]

I would amend to say, do what's right for your daughter within ethical boundaries. I just don't think these circumstances violate any ethics.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I would amend to say, do what's right for your daughter within ethical boundaries. I just don't think these circumstances violate any ethics.

Agree w/ that.

 

[djcarter1966]

I understand feeling bad and the other coach might have a little heartburn after you paid the deposit and signed on the line but in the end I think it is early enough not to be a big deal...Good Luck

 

[lvthegame]

Thanks for everyone's feedback. I don't know if anyone noticed the time, but it kept me up last night because I felt so bad about it. We have never done anything like this and take commitment seriously. We also understand if the deposit is going to be kept, anything to help soften the blow. This "new" team will hopefully be the team she plays rest for the rest of her career. (This is our 2nd year of select.)

 

[ScottyDont]

Thanks for everyone's feedback. I don't know if anyone noticed the time, but it kept me up last night because I felt so bad about it. We have never done anything like this and take commitment seriously. We also understand if the deposit is going to be kept, anything to help soften the blow. This "new" team will hopefully be the team she plays rest for the rest of her career. (This is our 2nd year of select.)

Spoken like a true 10U parent.

Seriously, you have to go with the best fit. Sounds like you did it in as up-front a manner as possible and gave the coach as much notice as you could. No foul here that I can see.

 

[SoAZDad]

Regarding the ASA issue. If the coach of the first team included your DD on a roster that (s)he submitted to ASA, then you probably have a small player release issue that needs to be resolved before she can play ASA on the 2nd team.

 

[klamath632]

Thanks for everyone's feedback. I don't know if anyone noticed the time, but it kept me up last night because I felt so bad about it. We have never done anything like this and take commitment seriously. We also understand if the deposit is going to be kept, anything to help soften the blow. This "new" team will hopefully be the team she plays rest for the rest of her career. (This is our 2nd year of select.)

Time will tell if this ends up benefiting your daughter more than staying on the first team would have. But I have to laugh a little bit at the bolded statement. You waited one whole week before looking around for a different team. That's the polar opposite of "taking commitment seriously."

Did you sign the ASA roster? If not, I don't think you've got an issue.