Duties of a bucket dad/mom during tournaments

[cuzmail]

I've started keeping a score book this year .. it keeps my hands occupied and my mouth shut (for the most part).

This is what I did to ease the transition to the other side of the fence too. I have always liked looking at the game via numbers.

 

[starsnuffer]

Just be a parent.

For the last few years I've done my best to "not coach" in any way during my now 15yo's games. I hang out along the foul lines, sometimes I keep score, I cheer for the team. Probably the only thing I'll say that's related to pitching is "Way to get ahead" or something like that, which is silly, because she knows what the count is. Even though I coach her HS team, I am very short and to the point with what I want. She's a pitcher, she isn't a robot. She knows far more about what she needs to do than I do. She's watching the on deck batter swing the bat more then I am. She's studying the umpires strike zone more than I am. She remembers what that batter did last time, and she knows when she should make a kid chase a pitch and when she has to come back in and throw on the black.

That said, knowing is just "half the battle". Doing is hard. Sometimes things don't go as intended. The perfect plan doesn't insure a victory.

Just this last weekend my kid lost a big game in a qualifier. One fat pitch resulted in a ball being hit over the fence and a game being lost. It was an emotional roller-coaster of a game. Hell my kid hit a 3 run HR of her own earlier, but that wouldn't matter to her now. There were about 100 things I could have told her about why that happened and what she could have did different to prevent it. Instead I did something different. I gathered my stuff, said my farewells to other parents (briefly), and waited by the car.

I did this because I know my kid would be doing what she could to keep her chin up, sit through the team talk after the game, and help carry the gear to the cars of whichever players were assigned to transport it next while doing her best not to show emotion, let alone tears. I waited for her to get to the car, and gave her a brief hug. Some of her friends and teammates were milling around, and I could see this was making her uneasy. So I invited her for a walk. We went for a walk, found a quiet place, and then (away from the gazes of teammates and coaches) she hugged me tight and cried softly into my shoulder. A few minutes later she wiped her tears away, and told me (without asking) what she did, what she could have did differently, and how she could practice to minimize it from happening again. Again I had to resist the urge to use my "unfathomable softball knowledge" to "enlighten her further" and instead nodded and agreed with her plan. We spoke a bit more about the day, some softball related stuff, some not, and then we got in the car and drove home (she promptly fell asleep on the way).

I'm not going to tell you that what I did is the best way for you to handle it, after all, I'm the parent of a pitcher that lost. I'll just tell you that I spent years figuring out that this is the best way for me to handle the relationship with my daughter. I have to treat my other daughter differently to achieve the best results. For me, that's what a "bucket dad" does during tournaments.

-W

 

[Softball Lovin Mom]

You made me tear up Starsnuffer. Great job!

 

[FastPitchCat]

my dd did something in her last tournament that she's never done before. she just pitched and lost a game. she was on the phone talking to a friend and she shooed me and her mom away. she told me later on that she was close to tears for losing that game and was seeking comfort from a friend. nope. not the dad or the mom. i guess she's growing up

i told her that she didn't do too bad considering she's playing against an HS team as a 14u. her team didn't get blown away and there were some defensive miscues and to add there was no help from the offense (shutout 5-0) i guess she remembered what i told her before that a team winning or losing ultimately boils down to the pitcher, not 100% but for the most part, it is. A well-pitched game will give you a much better chance of winning but of course 0 offense will not help.

So i told her to take this as an experience, something she will never learn at pitching practice or camp. Chin up and go for the next game.

It came down to the championship game and they played that same team again. Someone else started and DD's team was down 4-0. Another repeat? Nope. DD pitched the last 2 innings allowing no more runs and to top that, she hit a single to lead off the last inning and sparked a 3 run rally. it fell short, but she felt great after that, even with a loss.

So i guess for us bucket parents, it's all a learning experience as well. be supportive, positive even when things are bad. easier said, but, it can be done.
thanks

 

[Phathead]

I am just now having to do the bucket dad thing. DD pitched in two seperate games 18u. Did pretty good gave up some walks and some hits/RBI's. She got a lot of grounders and fly balls, most were taken care some E's made. I told her like others have said do your best to control what you can and keep a short memory and leave it up to her after that.

 

[WaSpeed02]

I don't talk to my DD when she's in the circle much anymore. Occasionally I'll yell out, "Legs!" or "Drive!" or "Spin it!". But not too much. Besides, I'm usually too busy keeping my own personal stats and indirectly chirping at the ump.

 

[Godfather]

Alright, any advice for someone like me who is also a coach? Shes 7 so mechanics can get off pretty quick. Thinking as a coach and not her dad, do I help her at this age during the game or let her just pitch?

 

[NVfishing]

Water boy and sunscreen applier are my two main duties. Don't forget the water melon between games.

 

[MK37]

I ask questions about the game she just finished pitching in. I feel she is old enough to know and figure out what happened, what to do and I enjoy getting her take on things.

Examples of questions:

What was the umpires strike zone?
Were you mixing speeds?
How often did you the coach call change ups?

After a couple minutes, I tell her go hang out with your friends.

 

[RetiredCoach]

While I am still coaching my older daughter, I am learning to keep my mouth shut with my younger daughter. It is hard to turn off "coach" and "dad" but I seem to have some success. My daughter last night pitched a no-hitter with absolutely no advice from me. I need to keep my mouth shut more often!

As a side note, the catcher for my daughter's team came up and, nicely, told her dad that she knows all of the stuff that he says to her during the game and please be quiet. He was quiet and his daughter did fine.