Difficult Parents - how to handle?
- Thread starter sydneyellenwade
- Start date
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Not unusual to ban the parent, but allow the kid to remain. Most of the time the parent's ego will not let them tolerate this, but often it's the right thing to do.
Wow! I could have started this thread-albeit a little differently.
I HAD a parent like this thru our recently completed summer schedule. His DD was a nice
kid who improved greatly. About the time that dear old dad became a cancer, his little
princess stopped being coachable (i.e. hit away when asked to bunt etc.) this led to my
benching her and dad became more toxic. After a particularly grueling weekend, he amped
up the questioning of everything team related. I immediately told him to invoke the 24 hr rule.
When we spoke later in the week, I suggested he start sitting away from other parents if
he was going to continue with the verbal tirade. He became a bit manageable but still a sore spot.
On conclusion of the season 2 weeks ago, we met for the final time and I told him that his DD
would not be invited back for the fall as his behavior had become too disruptive. He looked at me
'shell shocked' his DD started tearing up and I turned and walked away, smiling inside the entire time.
I HAD a parent like this thru our recently completed summer schedule. His DD was a nice
kid who improved greatly. About the time that dear old dad became a cancer, his little
princess stopped being coachable (i.e. hit away when asked to bunt etc.) this led to my
benching her and dad became more toxic. After a particularly grueling weekend, he amped
up the questioning of everything team related. I immediately told him to invoke the 24 hr rule.
When we spoke later in the week, I suggested he start sitting away from other parents if
he was going to continue with the verbal tirade. He became a bit manageable but still a sore spot.
On conclusion of the season 2 weeks ago, we met for the final time and I told him that his DD
would not be invited back for the fall as his behavior had become too disruptive. He looked at me
'shell shocked' his DD started tearing up and I turned and walked away, smiling inside the entire time.
FiveFrameSwing
Banned
This is the right way to go. Why? Because it gives the parent honest feedback … and with that feedback they have an opportunity to improve in their role as a parent supporter on their next team. In the long run, the kid benefits when you provide honest feedback.
A couple of thoughts:
-Conflict is nearly impossible to resolve by email. An email simply is 'the last statement' and ends any conversation.
-It's too late for this season, but set parental and player expectations using PCA (Positive Coaching Alliance) and designate one of the parents as the game day PCA Steward. This will help you set the ground rules and have a 3rd party reference for acceptable behavior.
-Keep an accurate record of stats handy. Ask the parent, "What are you seeing out there from your DD?" Your stats will most likely confirm your position. It also may be a good idea to meet with the families halfway through the season to review ala teacher's conferences.
Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
-Conflict is nearly impossible to resolve by email. An email simply is 'the last statement' and ends any conversation.
-It's too late for this season, but set parental and player expectations using PCA (Positive Coaching Alliance) and designate one of the parents as the game day PCA Steward. This will help you set the ground rules and have a 3rd party reference for acceptable behavior.
-Keep an accurate record of stats handy. Ask the parent, "What are you seeing out there from your DD?" Your stats will most likely confirm your position. It also may be a good idea to meet with the families halfway through the season to review ala teacher's conferences.
Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
- Jun 7, 2013
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- 0
The other thing about email is how often it is misunderstood. So many times I have written emails that I had believed were totally clear. However, it turned out that it wasn't the case.
I didn't read all the responses so this may have already been said:
Forget stats. Forget the kid's performance. Make it about the parents.
In person or over the phone:
"I love Katy and wish she could be on my team forever. But I can't have you and your disruptions here so I am letting her go. I'll do the math and see if you have any refunds coming. You'll see a response from me on that subject via email soon."
Case closed. No further discussion required.
Forget stats. Forget the kid's performance. Make it about the parents.
In person or over the phone:
"I love Katy and wish she could be on my team forever. But I can't have you and your disruptions here so I am letting her go. I'll do the math and see if you have any refunds coming. You'll see a response from me on that subject via email soon."
Case closed. No further discussion required.
Last edited:
^^^^^^^^^^^^ This.
So true. What's clear to me seems to be unclear to many others. You know, like "This Saturday's schedule will be played next Saturday due to the rain." always nets me several responses similar to "Can you please send me the updated schedule?!?!?! My parents are freaking out!?!?!?!"
EDIT: My point being that with a much more sensitive situation like the OP, email = bad idea.
- Dec 27, 2014
- 311
- 18
