DD - Internal Motivation

[CoogansBluff]

CoogansBluff thanks for your reply.... Well part of the reason I want her to be internally (instrinsic) motivated is that is much more powerful when working towards a goal than external motivations. ...

Oh and our record this year was 50-2 which is ridiculous. ...

Thanks, BD. ... I was just curious. I don't have a problem w/ anything you're saying. At age 9, my experience has been that fun is the best motivator.

But I did want to comment on the 50-2 record. I wouldn't want my team to be 50-2. That means one of two things - The coach is not looking for the most challenging competition, or the team is in such a remote area that the coach can't find challenging competition. I wonder if your daughter would become more motivated if she played against teams that wouldn't allow her team to go 50-2, or her to get 17 hits in 20 at-bats.

Why should she work when she's dominating without working?

 

[John Kelly]

I have found as a coach that internal motivation seems to kick in for most girls playing softball at 13 years old, depending on their maturity. Ultimately your DD will have to start playing for herself and connect the hard work she puts in to tangible goals she has for herself (and not mom or dad) like playing ball in college or even on her varsity high school team. To assess her motivation further I would ask her why she plays. You might be surprised by her answer! Good luck.

 

[sluggers]

Wow...welcome to the "Crazy Dad" club.

First, softball is a silly little game played by kids and some adults for enjoyment. Knowing her multiplication table is much more important than knowing how to catch a popup. Second, there is no pot of gold at the end of the softball rainbow. She can be one of the best player in the world, and make less than the ticket taker at Disneyland.

She seems to be externally motivated and trying to get my approval on everything. She is a daddys's girl.

Have you ever thought of letting her have something of her own without you?

She really doesn't practice on her own. When I was young I would practice by myself for hours, nearly every day.

1) news flash: She isn't you.
2) Memories of ourselves as children are not reliable.

1) does this seem to be a common difference between young boys and girls ?

I suspect the difference is more 1st child vs. 2nd child rather than boy vs. girl.

2) at what age do girls become internally motivated ?

With due respect, I'm not you understand what it takes to be "good" at a sport. I had two kids play college sports (softball and hoops). I was around many, many parents of excellent athletes. None of the "good" athletes did it on their own. They always had a Dad or Mom pushing them.

"Internal motivation" for a DD trying to be good is more about their willingness to prioritize their schedule to make time for sports.

3) how can I help my DD become more internally motivated ?

Why would you want to?

I love softball...but, there is nothing in this game of any lasting importance. It is just a game.

It would be better for her to fall in love with music, literature or science than softball.

Do I tell her the only the way to get to college and have a good life is get good grades and earn a scholarship ?

Are you serious? At 9YOA?

 

[glf0845]

This is a baby...why are we talking about colleges and her making her own decisions and internal blah blah blah. Let her be a kid and play the game. Sorry if this is not a popular post but I have been following this thread and could not not say anything any longer. Parents need to get a life and let their athletes play.

 

[Indiana]

My take on this thread has been more of an academic, theoretical discussion. In the end, we all want our kids to be happy, well adjusted adults. To that end, we want our daughters to find their passion. By "intrinsic motivation", maybe what the OP means is - how do we recognize passion? Is intrinsic motivation an defining factor? If we think we've seen passion in the form of love for softball, we of course want to nuture that. But what if we were wrong? What if, by nuturing softball, we are keeping our DDs from their true destiny, squashing some caged up talent for painting, or writing, or electric guitar? High level youth sports is a massive gamble on time - how can we as parents know that we've identified the right passion to nuture?
The OP touched upon an interesting question regarding college. We all tell our kids - "get good grades, go to college". As a society, we don't tell our kids how to pay for college. Maybe we should? Should it be "get good grades, go to college, work hard so you not only get into college but can pay for it" ?
To get back to the OP's questions:
1. As a girl, I can only speak for girls as I've found the longer I live the more I realize that I know very little of boys: Yes - initially, I was externally motivated. I chose my sports because my friends were playing them. Much later, as a sophomore in high school, I chose my one favorite sport and became internally motivated to become the best that I could be.
2. I'd say high school - based on my own experience and by observing my DD and her friends.
3. Hmmm. This is the hard one. My DD is internally motivated to do well in school. Was this always the case? I don't know - ever since kindergarten day one DH and I have spoken about the importance of getting a good education. Has our family culture of education ingrained that into her? Maybe - but we also have a culture of tennis and DD hates tennis and is horrible at it. Then again, I never lectured her on the importance of a good backhand. I'm still searching for the answer to this one.