Where are all the dads?

[kennykozman!!]

Coach and Umpire Shortages? No one to blame but the Parents themselves. I am 75 years old and have been involved with Baseball and Softball 68+ years. I umpired a JUCO Softball game last nite. Great players, coaches, and fans. But I also have seen the opposite too many times. I have had parents try and fight me in the parking lot after a game and verbally trash me or my partner during a game. We lose umpires after 1 season because of the abuse. The reason I have done it is my LOVE of the game…yes the $$ helped earlier in my umpire career, but now I donate a lot of my time and $$. Parents also cause Coaches to quit. Google the Duluth East Hockey Coach. Rest my case!


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Thank you and please continue. I worked HS baseball with two guys over 80 last year( I am 50)....best games of the season for me! What a blast.

 

[kennykozman!!]

Coaching rec ball can be tough....anyone can join and unfortunately that means any parents as well. No shows for practice and don't you even think about sitting a kid for missing practice. Even playing time, bullying, talking back, unruly parents......mostly we just played games at practice somewhat related to softball to make it fun. Maybe there are REC or LL organizations dismissing players and parents....I have not seen any though.

I coached REC primarily because my DD and friend did not have the talent to make a travel club then. Now they are club teams and my biggest concern is having the grill going in between games.

Mom's are stepping up because nobody wants to babysit rec players. I can appreciate the Moms out there doing what nobody else wants to do. Parents need to instruct their players to respect the coach and behave. Is that too much to ask? The Mom's have more patience and determination than Dads usually but eventually every one has a breaking point. What am I volunteering for?

Travel ball coach reminds my DD and team it is a PRIVELEDGE to play. If there is an ongoing problem the player and parents can be dismissed. There is accountability. REC it takes a court order to do anything very little accountability.

I coached my DD 2 years in rec. Final straw was I had to call the Sheriff because of parents fighting about custody in the stands and every game "do we have enough players to field a team today." Parents calling to ask for kids pick up and drop them off because of parents "working." Some were working others were out while the babysitter (me) ran practice. If we cant pick them up they wont be at the game.......sigh......

That was the end of REC for me. If the parents or the kids don't want to be there what is the point?

I see many REC programs starting their own travel club teams now. This will probably end the regular REC teams down the line. LL numbers decline every year and all the travel kids are barely seen until ALL-STARS.

There needs to be rules and accountability at the rec level. Kids are starving for direction and structure. Where will they get it?

.

 

[KrisHur]

I don't understand the complaints about parents. They can be awful but don't have a "right" to be there. Refs can tell the coach to get their parent(s) under control or the coach will be ejected. The coach will certainly say something then and for those coaches without the stomach for confrontation - they have an excuse to say something b/c of the ump's warning. Coaches can tell the parents to quiet down or they will be sent to the parking lot. When DD first joined travel there was a dad on her team that was crazy loud with every call he didn't like and flat out rude. At the second game the coach told him, loudly, making sure we all heard it, one more outburst and he'd be watching from the parking lot. He quieted down and rarely came to games after that but his daughter stayed on the team for 3 years. Umps - stop taking abuse and warn coaches. Coaches, grow a set and get your parents under control.

 

[NJZoo]

One thing to note - we need moms to coach as well. I coached my daughter from 8U-12U and our coaching staff was entirely male. At 12U we realized that girls that age needed a female figure in the dugout so we added one of the moms with high school playing experience and it made a world of difference. Not that the environment was bad before that, it just added another dimension to the team.

 

[uncdrew]

In my experience with coaching my DD and DS, I find those that have the most to say and chirp about coaching on the sidelines do the least and some look at coaches (8u and below) as babysitters. They have no idea what goes into coaching and the amount of time volunteers put in, from the league calls, field clean up, creating rosters, trying to recruit parents to coach, etc. Heck I’ve been on vacation getting on calls trying to figure stuff out.

I found one of the best time coaching was when Covid town regulations were lowered and baseball was one of the first and only sports going and parents were extremely appreciative of the coaches. Most parents wanted their kids getting out and doing anything even if they never played the sport before.


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At the younger ages I ask the parents chirping on the sidelines to be dugout managers. They always decline and the chirping subsides a bit.

They suck, and don't help at all.

 

[KenBlackfish]

Didn't read the replies past the 1st page?

The reason you don't have enough coaches or have to beg parents to coach is because of "PARENTS". Parents are out of control. Ask an umpire. No one who volunteers wants the drama and headache of dealing with little Susie/Stevie's mom or dad. Parents are ruining youth sports. I've been involved with it for 20 years.

Over a 20 year span, I have coached my two daughters and my son. From t-ball to 14u. The las last year I coached my kid was 2nd year in travel. She has moved on to 16/18u. She's in control of her own destiny now.

I currently coach HS, (my kids do not or did not attend the school I coach for). But I took a two-year break because of the parents. Emails, phone calls, late-night text messages, parking lot conversations, it grinds you down over time. When you don't enjoy it anymore, it's time to do something else. A few seasons ago, a coach asked me to come back, and I did. Enjoying it again. Some parents just like to create drama. They thrive on it. Shoot, look at some of the gripes posted on this website. Jesus.

"Why aren't more dads not involved with their kid's sports programs (coach, concession, board positions), etc.?" Maybe they don't have a flexible schedule. Most of the coaches I know are either firemen, police officers, or own their own business, so they have a flexible schedule. Sure, some dads are simply not involved. That's their business, not mine. And maybe they don't want to deal with parents. Sports parents are clicky as hell.

 

[PJR202]

Coaching rec ball can be tough....anyone can join and unfortunately that means any parents as well. No shows for practice and don't you even think about sitting a kid for missing practice. Even playing time, bullying, talking back, unruly parents......mostly we just played games at practice somewhat related to softball to make it fun. Maybe there are REC or LL organizations dismissing players and parents....I have not seen any though.

I coached REC primarily because my DD and friend did not have the talent to make a travel club then. Now they are club teams and my biggest concern is having the grill going in between games.

Mom's are stepping up because nobody wants to babysit rec players. I can appreciate the Moms out there doing what nobody else wants to do. Parents need to instruct their players to respect the coach and behave. Is that too much to ask? The Mom's have more patience and determination than Dads usually but eventually every one has a breaking point. What am I volunteering for?

Travel ball coach reminds my DD and team it is a PRIVELEDGE to play. If there is an ongoing problem the player and parents can be dismissed. There is accountability. REC it takes a court order to do anything very little accountability.

I coached my DD 2 years in rec. Final straw was I had to call the Sheriff because of parents fighting about custody in the stands and every game "do we have enough players to field a team today." Parents calling to ask for kids pick up and drop them off because of parents "working." Some were working others were out while the babysitter (me) ran practice. If we cant pick them up they wont be at the game.......sigh......

That was the end of REC for me. If the parents or the kids don't want to be there what is the point?

I see many REC programs starting their own travel club teams now. This will probably end the regular REC teams down the line. LL numbers decline every year and all the travel kids are barely seen until ALL-STARS.

There needs to be rules and accountability at the rec level. Kids are starving for direction and structure. Where will they get it?

.

We (middle school) haven't had a lot of problems from parents thus far. There was one last year that got on our nerves, but otherwise it's been ok. We really have a decent group as far as getting them to/from practices and games, and letting us know when they'll be absent, etc. We'll see how it really goes when we start scheduling concessions and gate workers. Our high school team has a great group of parents who have been involved since their girls were in middle school, and we're hoping to keep it going with ours.

My thing in starting this discussion is that we just dont see a lot of dads out there. It was the same with camp, little league, fall ball, etc. I'm more than happy to see moms out there getting it done--and especially when they have fastpitch experience--but it's just odd to me to not see dads out there as much. On our team, the dads involved are me (asst) and the head coach. that leaves several other dads (some aren't around at all, I presume) out there who I just would think would want to be involved. Baseball around here has no trouble finding dad coaches.

Your last line says it all....LL killed elementary school teams, and travel is killing LL and school and rec teams. But for towns like mine, school teams are critical. There are girls that want to play, and without school teams the vast majority of them won't get an opportunity. But even more important, there would be a lot of girls who NEED sports to keep them on the straight and narrow. When I was a kid I never imagined that more than a few girls in my grade were in danger of going down the wrong path, or earning bad grades. That aspect of this has been eye opening. And some of them have a tough home life. School sports builds relationships and confidence. Where I am, they're the glue that holds this town together in many ways.

 

[santafe]

Oh man, coaching is lots of fun when you have a good group of kids. I haven't seen any masculinity battles, yet. The SafeSport certification material gradually increases every year and some of the content is bothersome. Also, I have noticed some parents grumbling about increased org registration fees. Some of the weaker teams registration fees went from about $150 to almost $300, and that's for local league ball. then again, parents’ work schedules play a big factor in volunteerism.

 

[HunterMO]

Oh man, coaching is lots of fun when you have a good group of kids. I haven't seen any masculinity battles, yet. The SafeSport certification material gradually increases every year and some of the content is bothersome. Also, I have noticed some parents grumbling about increased org registration fees. Some of the weaker teams registration fees went from about $150 to almost $300, and that's for local league ball. then again, parents’ work schedules play a big factor in volunteerism.

I truly enjoyed coaching DD the last couple of years. And would love an opportunity to coach at the younger level again. There’s just so much genuine enjoyment in just playing (for the most part).

One reason I stopped coaching was because DD moved up to a more competitive team with established coaches. Which is fine because she was out growing me (aka tired of hearing from me) anyways. The other reason is that I had a job change and started traveling again. Prior, I worked from home and didn’t travel at all.