When to be a pest

[_MIA_]

One thing people don't ever want to admit, and I am not sure I would actually say this to a kid, but playing a game is a lot more fun when you are good at it.. For some it is a feedback loop of sorts. The better you play the harder you work which in turn makes you play better...

 

[flogzilla]

One thing people don't ever want to admit, and I am not sure I would actually say this to a kid, but playing a game is a lot more fun when you are good at it.. For some it is a feedback loop of sorts. The better you play the harder you work which in turn makes you play better...

This 100%. My DD chose not to play basketball this year. She is a good shooter, but the coach she had last year made her feel like a poor dribbler. Now she could have put the effort into becoming a better dribbler, but told me she would rather skip basketball and put more time into her softball. I was poking her pretty good a few weeks back telling her that she said she was going to do the work. Fast forward to this week and she has seen some progress and she is wanting to go outside and throw even in some less than great weather days and has been doing all her drills and such with not a single word from me.

 

[cnardone]

Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing. It seems like sometimes a push is needed and is even appreciated. Other times I worry that maybe I harmed my oldest DD's love for the game. Other times I think if I had not let her slack on hitting lessons, she'd be much more successful at the plate and enjoy the game more.

I don't think any of us feel like we know what we are doing. I have 3 dd, only 1 plays softball. However, I have the same things going through my head for all of their activities. It is a hard balance.

 

[julray]

I played every sport when I was younger, I did not need motivation, I loved what I was doing. I wanted to be the best, and knew what I needed to do. My main sport was hockey, but because I am very competitive I enjoyed all sports. But I mostly played the other sports to stay sharp and in shape for hockey. My point is, your kid has to want it. You can only provide them with the knowledge of what it takes to get it done. Setting a routine and schedule for them is very important, but they need to want it. I've set a schedule and routine for my daughter(15), but softball is not her life and that's fine with me. The best advice I can give is listen to your daughter, your goals for her, and her goals for herself might be much different than what you think.

 

[badmonkey]

sounds a lot like DD complains about it prior, loves it in the moment.

This is my DD most of the time. She complains so much she actually believes she doesn't like it. She's like that with everything she does. Music lessons, sports, going to the amusement park, etc. I think she'd complain if I told her she needed to play more video games. The big problem is she feels like she needs to keep up the facade when she's actually doing the activity. I took her to a group hitting lesson where her club brought in a college player. I kept my distance for the lessons, but I saw her participating, and she looked like she was having fun. On the way home I asked her how it went. She said it was boring, and dumb. She didn't like it, and didn't learn anything, when I saw her enjoying herself, at least the social part of it.

Another example was last week I asked her if she wanted to go to the rock climbing gym. She loves to go climbing. She groaned and moaned, and said she didn't want to. So I went without her. I'm almost to the gym and my wife calls, pissed because I left her at home. DD told her I didn't tell her I was leaving, and she wanted to come. I told DW that I asked, DD said no, so I left her.

Long story short, she frames all of her activities as something she "has to do", as opposed to them being fun activities that she wanted to do. She does nothing but complain about it, but her coaches and instructors all indicate that she's not difficult at practice and they like having her, just would like to see her work a little harder. If she acted the way to them the way she does to me, she'd probably get kicked off the team.

DD is almost 12, so this will get better soon, right?

 

[bmakj]

This is my DD most of the time. She complains so much she actually believes she doesn't like it. She's like that with everything she does. Music lessons, sports, going to the amusement park, etc. I think she'd complain if I told her she needed to play more video games. The big problem is she feels like she needs to keep up the facade when she's actually doing the activity. I took her to a group hitting lesson where her club brought in a college player. I kept my distance for the lessons, but I saw her participating, and she looked like she was having fun. On the way home I asked her how it went. She said it was boring, and dumb. She didn't like it, and didn't learn anything, when I saw her enjoying herself, at least the social part of it.

Another example was last week I asked her if she wanted to go to the rock climbing gym. She loves to go climbing. She groaned and moaned, and said she didn't want to. So I went without her. I'm almost to the gym and my wife calls, pissed because I left her at home. DD told her I didn't tell her I was leaving, and she wanted to come. I told DW that I asked, DD said no, so I left her.

Long story short, she frames all of her activities as something she "has to do", as opposed to them being fun activities that she wanted to do. She does nothing but complain about it, but her coaches and instructors all indicate that she's not difficult at practice and they like having her, just would like to see her work a little harder. If she acted the way to them the way she does to me, she'd probably get kicked off the team.

DD is almost 12, so this will get better soon, right?

are our girls twins separated at birth that is exactly DD2 (12 about to turn 13)

 

[joe720]

I'm in the same situation. DD's 13 going on 14 first year 14U. Kids got a ton of natural talent and has never had to work hard as her talent has overcome her lack of effort. She's now at the age where hard workers pass the natural talent if they aren't putting in the effort.

We had the conversation that i am no longer going to ask her to do anything. I will however take her anywhere, and do whatever she wants any time she asks. Think this is the age where they really need to make it their journey.

Long and short i don't have an answer, just the same issue

 

[Quigs10]

This is my DD most of the time. She complains so much she actually believes she doesn't like it. She's like that with everything she does. Music lessons, sports, going to the amusement park, etc. I think she'd complain if I told her she needed to play more video games. The big problem is she feels like she needs to keep up the facade when she's actually doing the activity. I took her to a group hitting lesson where her club brought in a college player. I kept my distance for the lessons, but I saw her participating, and she looked like she was having fun. On the way home I asked her how it went. She said it was boring, and dumb. She didn't like it, and didn't learn anything, when I saw her enjoying herself, at least the social part of it.

Another example was last week I asked her if she wanted to go to the rock climbing gym. She loves to go climbing. She groaned and moaned, and said she didn't want to. So I went without her. I'm almost to the gym and my wife calls, pissed because I left her at home. DD told her I didn't tell her I was leaving, and she wanted to come. I told DW that I asked, DD said no, so I left her.

Long story short, she frames all of her activities as something she "has to do", as opposed to them being fun activities that she wanted to do. She does nothing but complain about it, but her coaches and instructors all indicate that she's not difficult at practice and they like having her, just would like to see her work a little harder. If she acted the way to them the way she does to me, she'd probably get kicked off the team.

DD is almost 12, so this will get better soon, right?

are our girls twins separated at birth that is exactly DD2 (12 about to turn 13)

TRIPLETS/SISTERS!!! My DD (15) Sophomore in HS is the exact same. Except when it's to just go "hang" with friends. Then she's VERY happy. I pushed her when she was younger to do extra hitting and drills and high level TB with the Cal Cruisers from 10u-12u and she got burnt out. She was never the type to ask me to go hit or go to field to do extra work (catcher). She was usually the top catcher in the rec league and then starter for her TB team, but didn't want to go to clinics or train and slowly got passed up by another catcher who maybe wasn't as talented, but had more enthusiasm for the game. Me pushing early on made it too "serious" and she didn't like the stress of TB tournaments and such. And she used to LOVE softball when she was 8,9, 10 yrs old. But just never had the inner desire to do anything extra that other girls on TB team did. She quit for almost 2 years before HS and I left it as is and learned my mistake and let her choose what she wanted to do. She began playing again for HS team as a Freshman. Still has no desire to play TB (which, looking at it now...I am VERY happy with and so is my wallet). She plays on her HS team and practices and that's it. She has no desire to play in college and I'm just savoring the games I still get to watch her play and when she wants to stop....so be it. Don't push her...some girls LOVE the game...some don't...some LOVE the work and effort it requires to be the best...some don't..... and that's OK......

 

[badmonkey]

TRIPLETS/SISTERS!!! My DD (15) Sophomore in HS is the exact same. Except when it's to just go "hang" with friends. Then she's VERY happy. I pushed her when she was younger to do extra hitting and drills and high level TB with the Cal Cruisers from 10u-12u and she got burnt out. She was never the type to ask me to go hit or go to field to do extra work (catcher). She was usually the top catcher in the rec league and then starter for her TB team, but didn't want to go to clinics or train and slowly got passed up by another catcher who maybe wasn't as talented, but had more enthusiasm for the game. Me pushing early on made it too "serious" and she didn't like the stress of TB tournaments and such. And she used to LOVE softball when she was 8,9, 10 yrs old. But just never had the inner desire to do anything extra that other girls on TB team did. She quit for almost 2 years before HS and I left it as is and learned my mistake and let her choose what she wanted to do. She began playing again for HS team as a Freshman. Still has no desire to play TB (which, looking at it now...I am VERY happy with and so is my wallet). She plays on her HS team and practices and that's it. She has no desire to play in college and I'm just savoring the games I still get to watch her play and when she wants to stop....so be it. Don't push her...some girls LOVE the game...some don't...some LOVE the work and effort it requires to be the best...some don't..... and that's OK......

I think I was really pushing her last year, and that made her not enjoy it as much. Now I'm not pushing at all, and am not watching her practice or making her do extra work, except maybe 10 minutes per week for swing check up/tune ups. She acts like it kills her. Then again, she's never had practices in January before. I've considered having her go back to rec, but I think the level of play would disgust her. It'd either make her want to go back to TB, or quit the game for good. At this point I've resigned myself to the fact that she isn't going to max out her potential, she just isn't driven like that., so I just want her to have fun again. I know she's always enjoyed the game, I just can't tell if she's actually stopped liking the game, or if she just likes being an annoying pain in my rear more. Right now I'm leaning toward the latter, but I think this spring season will answer a lot of these questions.

 

[Quigs10]

"I just can't tell if she's actually stopped liking the game, or if she just likes being an annoying pain in my rear more. "

LOL...welcome to my world! Wait til she's in her teens!