Should goal be college?

[JudeDaRude]

My first 3 kids are either in college or have graduated.

DS was a so-so rower on a very good rowing club. Some of the guys he rowed with in HS went to college on top-notch teams. One of his HS teammates was MVP on the world championship USA U23 world record holding team. My DS was a mid level rower and rowed with one of the best D3 teams in the country. He went to the D1 college national championships twice, beating some good D1 teams in the process. One summer he got to row with a top D1 team.

His secret? Two hours of team practice every day plus 2 more hours alone in the gym. Every day for 4 years of college.

Does that sound like fun? It was for him. He still rows competitively after college. Because it is fun for him.

People told me my DD 1 was an exceptionally talented softball player and a possible D-1 prospect. She quit softball after 3 years. She played for fun, and when she went from 12u Rec to 16u. TB in one year, she was burned out. Instead, she got an academic scholarship to her first choice college.

Similarly her boyfriend is the son of a pro athlete. He could’ve gotten a basketball scholarship, but he got an academic scholarship to his first choice college (the same one my DD 1 attends). OTOH his younger brother really wanted to play college ball, and got a D-1 scholarship.

The moral of the story?

All 4 of them, the 2 siblings who did college sports and the 2 siblings who didn’t, made the choice that made them happy. All 4 were winners in different ways. Two of them loved the idea of spending hours every day practicing a sport they loved. Two of them did not.

Well said!!!

 

[JudeDaRude]

You are going to suck the joy out of the sport for your girls if you want it more than they do. And from the sounds of, it you do want it more than them.

Just let them play and have fun and don't ride them about getting better/college. You will wreck the fun.

Yes. I’m watching them and they can’t stand it. Lol. No one is making it where hey we are after college, after college, but we are trying to be best we can can be and see what happens. We come home after games like today and they are asking me to hit them balls. Where do you and others get off at saying I’m wrecking fun. Lol. Joke you are

 

[Rule#6]

Many on this forum have been there, including me, and its a fact that a parent talking college/scholarships etc can and will drain the sport of its fun. They are only 9 and 10--little girls. Just let them play. I coached/managed for years and many girls quit due to the daddy at every practice/game, watching them and scrutinizing. I don't even know if the dads realized they were doing it. But, do it your way, friend.

 

[JudeDaRude]

Many on this forum have been there, including me, and its a fact that a parent talking college/scholarships etc can and will drain the sport of its fun. They are only 9 and 10--little girls. Just let them play. I coached/managed for years and many girls quit due to the daddy at every practice/game, watching them and scrutinizing. I don't even know if the dads realized they were doing it. But, do it your way, friend.

Ok. Well how about this question? Is it possible to be pushing to be the best that you can be but not push too make it unenjoyable? A person is not capable of managing it the right way?

 

[Rule#6]

Yes I would say that's possible but its a fine line. As much as we love our kids it is probably best to NOT go to every game/practice. Let them play on their own without being watched, its good for them. The girls who I managed/coached who always had daddy (or mom) lurking and watching all quit by teen years.

 

[JudeDaRude]

Yes I would say that's possible but its a fine line. As much as we love our kids it is probably best to NOT go to every game/practice. Let them play on their own without being watched, its good for them. The girls who I managed/coached who always had daddy (or mom) lurking and watching all quit by teen years.

I understand what you and everyone is saying. I think it will make me aware of mistakes. I don’t know how to not try for something though. I can’t go halfway, I push my girls and it has helped. I guarantee if it weren’t for my drive for them, they wouldn’t be even half as good. They like being good and while I’m too hard at times, they seem to enjoy most of the journey. Definitely enjoy results. I have no idea if they will make it to college or not but right now they are closing gap with girls that are ahead of them and getting ahead of of girls that they started on same level. And I would think, that all great players dreamed and worked hard to get there . AND...........thought about college early

 

[Rule#6]

You love your girls! And want bright successful futures for them. Just have an awareness, I guess. Pushing them like you mentioned is working now but proceed carefully as they get older so it stays fun. And please consider not being at every game and practice, it really is good for them!

God bless your family, all the best to you.

 

[FP26]

Ok. Well how about this question? Is it possible to be pushing to be the best that you can be but not push too make it unenjoyable? A person is not capable of managing it the right way?

It's possible but it's a moving target. If you have multiple kids you will realize that their "lines" are in different places. If you have one child you will notice that their "line" seems to change on a daily basis. You need to be able to adjust based on their reactions. Sometimes it's easy to see. Sometimes they hide it well.

 

[_MIA_]

You obviously care for your kid(s) and want the best from them. All everybody is saying is please just be careful that you don't make it such that they identify their self-worth as purely based upon their softball playing ability. Again, been there, done that and it is not a good place to be as a young adult.

 

[marriard]

. I can’t go halfway, I push my girls and it has helped. I guarantee if it weren’t for my drive for them, they wouldn’t be even half as good.

Saying it again. Stop saying 'I'. It isn"t about you. The above is a giant red-flag. It isnt about your achievement in making them better. You cant make it their problem that you can only go 100% It is hard to turn your drive off. You cant long term supply their motivation. You support - you can't' always supply their motivation and drive to get better.

And it can be a fine line. Because sometimes you will have to make them practice or meet their commitments and instill that work ethic and understanding of getting better and so on. Sometimes you just have to sit and listen and stop coaching them. Listening can be tough. Some days you just need to be a human front toss machine and say nothing even when you see them 'doing it wrong'

And I would think, that all great players dreamed and worked hard to get there . AND...........thought about college early

You would assume wrong. Most certainly dreamed and worked hard. For most the real college thoughts start in 14u even when their parents stared thinking way earlier. That is when they start to get a perspective of what playing in college may be like - and also when time wise it starts to be become close enough for college to start become something that is going to happen lsoftball or not)

But some are also just so talented it comes easy even in college. Some hate the game but are trapped by expectations. Some didn't decide on college until late in high school. Some mature physically late. Some let the game define who they are. Some have been pushed by their parents so hard they resent them. Again, every journey is different.