She just quits...

[Greenmonsters]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no - she had a Friday practice while I was out of town and my AC said she had a great practice. Other times I've been told she's un-coachable (notably by a hitting coach) because she shuts down after a mistake.



Say rather that I'll stop coaching her, but I won't stop coaching! Like I said, she just needs to survive fall ball and 7th grade school ball (if she makes the team).

Beyond all this softball related stuff, she does this in other aspects of her life: music, school, even playing video games.

How do her other teachers react when this happens? Does she respond well to some approaches better than others?
Doesn't sound like a SB issue to me. Parent coach may or may not be a contributing factor - but you could eliminate it as a variable. Sounds like she needs to figure out how to respond to failure in a more productive manner. Being successful is getting up one more time than you get knocked down and practice ensures that you get knocked down less frequently over time.

 

[BuckeyeGuy]

How do her other teachers react when this happens? Does she respond well to some approaches better than others?
Doesn't sound like a SB issue to me. Parent coach may or may not be a contributing factor - but you could eliminate it as a variable. Sounds like she needs to figure out how to respond to failure in a more productive manner. Being successful is getting up one more time than you get knocked down and practice ensures that you get knocked down less frequently over time.

They're about as confused as I am. None of them have had true success getting her back on track after an episode. I do know that if I can get her laughing she is better able to move on.

We had our players' meeting for fall ball, and the league is run by a batting cage place so the cages were free today. I asked DD to try the fast (50-55) cage (she's been struggling with the medium, 40-45 cage) and she stepped right in. Missed the first few then started making contact and actually hit better on the faster pitching. She was as happy as could be and proud of herself, an d she didn't get down on herself while struggling in the slower cage. There's no easily discernable pattern to the behavior.

 

[MandM]

Sounds like you have tried many of the things others have suggested and I think sluggers post and following through with consequences are good strategies. I don't know how much of exploration into what is going on in her head that you have done? This is not something I explore at the time of the behavior, but rather at a neutral time, a couple of days later, where you bring up what you observed and asked her what she was feeling or thinking. Is this sulking or simply extreme personal disappointment with making a mistake? If it is the latter maybe she just needs increase comfort with imperfection and the idea that everyone makes mistake, the key is to think about why and what if anything you could learn from it.

DD as a pitcher- would get down on herself when she made a mistake and then it would compound itself- I had a softball mistake reel I would play for her to show her that even the best pitchers don't always perform their best, and the best players make errors- but they dust themself off and keep going. Practically wore that out, but it helped her comfort level with continuing to perform at a high level during a bad outing

 

[bigchad64]

As a teacher I've found out that "the thing isn't usually the thing". If she's displaying this in many different arenas of life, maybe something deeper going on? A lot of adults confuse apathy or malaise as a bad attitude/not caring/laziness. Sometimes there's something more substantial behind it.

 

[M & R Davis]

AI don't have the answer but one thing I have found with my just turned 12 year old is continual reminder that there are reasons we practice. If we were perfect wouldn't have to practice. Professional baseball batters hit 3 out of 10 at bats and that is considered good. Everyone makes errors and mistakes. Just gotta forget and move on. We practice short term memory as a lesson to learn from mistake but then move on and leave that behind. Same when she is on the mound. Throw a few bad pitches, wipe it out of memory and start over fresh. I will admit we are very "firm" with our daughter(only child) with discipline and such(maybe to much). Have always also been very encouraging and supportive when she succeeds or does something well. Light bulb went off for me though at first pitching lesson when pitching coach gave her a high 5 after doing a drill well. Daughter lit up like a light bulb and became obvious that no words saying good job or anything else got the same positive response. I don't congratulate if it isn't warranted but have worked in more visual(high 5, fist bump) and it has helped built the confidence and reinforces the positives.

Just some thoughts from my experience. Good luck and sure you will get it figured out.

 

[klamath632]

The thought has crossed my mind more than once, but that's not the case. She still enjoys playing, she still gets a kick out of hanging with the team...heck, she got excited about another tryout coming up. It's not the game. It's a single play or a single at bat that starts her attitude on a downward spiral even when everyone is trying to be encouraging.

If a player refuses to let go, then she needs to be benched. You can't allow a single mistake to turn into three because a player can't let go. To paraphrase a satirical workplace poster: The benchings should continue until morale improves.

 

[BuckeyeGuy]

Quick update: went to another tryout on Saturday, she fell into her usual funk but not as deeply as usual. Afterwards I asked her how she felt about her efforts and she admitted she did not give 100%, but she also expressed a desire to give a better effort. I told her to email the coach and ask to try out again, which she did tonight. 100% better effort, only lost focus for a few minutes while in her catcher's gear in the heat, hustled everywhere, even helped clean up afterwards.

I still don't know why she gets into the funk. If I figure it out (or have it figured out - she's been seeing a pshrink for a little while now for anger issues) I'll post up.

 

[bigchad64]

Quick update: went to another tryout on Saturday, she fell into her usual funk but not as deeply as usual. Afterwards I asked her how she felt about her efforts and she admitted she did not give 100%, but she also expressed a desire to give a better effort. I told her to email the coach and ask to try out again, which she did tonight. 100% better effort, only lost focus for a few minutes while in her catcher's gear in the heat, hustled everywhere, even helped clean up afterwards.

I still don't know why she gets into the funk. If I figure it out (or have it figured out - she's been seeing a pshrink for a little while now for anger issues) I'll post up.

Awesome, thanks for the update!

 

[quandofloo]

I am not sure if it has been expressed elsewhere, but your DD sounds like she might be dealing with attention deficit issues. My DD has similar issues and when you add in the normal societal pressures that early teenage girls face, especially the athletic ones that get teased for not being girly enough, it can be overwhelming and can lead to outbursts of frustration at times. I don't have time right now to write it all out, but I am going to send you a PM with some information that I have gathered in my research into the difference in ADHD in young girls and how often is is misdiagnosed due to a misunderstanding of the symptoms. It does not present itself the same in girls as it does in boys so when we look for the stereotypical disruptive, tantrum throwing, super hyper kid that we associate with ADHD we overlook what is actually the more common diagnostic signs for girls. And considering the forum we are on and one of the most common indicators is being a "tomboy" it is probably something that we should all know a little more about. Especially since it can lead to some pretty severe problems if left undiagnosed. Girls with ADHD that get no help have significantly higher risk of depression, suicide, teen pregnancy, eating disorders, and a whole host of other high risk behaviors.

 

[CMMom1740]

I am not sure if it has been expressed elsewhere, but your DD sounds like she might be dealing with attention deficit issues. My DD has similar issues and when you add in the normal societal pressures that early teenage girls face, especially the athletic ones that get teased for not being girly enough, it can be overwhelming and can lead to outbursts of frustration at times. I don't have time right now to write it all out, but I am going to send you a PM with some information that I have gathered in my research into the difference in ADHD in young girls and how often is is misdiagnosed due to a misunderstanding of the symptoms. It does not present itself the same in girls as it does in boys so when we look for the stereotypical disruptive, tantrum throwing, super hyper kid that we associate with ADHD we overlook what is actually the more common diagnostic signs for girls. And considering the forum we are on and one of the most common indicators is being a "tomboy" it is probably something that we should all know a little more about. Especially since it can lead to some pretty severe problems if left undiagnosed. Girls with ADHD that get no help have significantly higher risk of depression, suicide, teen pregnancy, eating disorders, and a whole host of other high risk behaviors.

Good points. I'm a clinical psychologist who sees children and adolescents, and could speak more to this if any of it sounds applicable. Think more of inattention and impulsivity (acting without thinking) in adolescent girls than bouncing-around-the-room type hyperactivity.