I am the father of a softball player, she is 12 years old, and we as a family are going into our third year of competitive softball or “travel” as it is called, after 4 years of little league or “rec” and I thought it would be a good time to share our experiences and educations thus far in this underground community
First the highlights, for only the second time in the existence of our community little league, my daughter and her teammates won a state championship, that was a great experience with very little of the expected ridiculousness that seems to accompany youth sports, the parents were fun to be with, and we all got along, (this is a rare occurrence and thus easily memorable) We also had great competent coaching, and communication. (This is even rarer and probably experienced as often as a lottery winning or lightning strike to the temple). We also have made some very good friends, and met some wonderful young athletes, great coaches and trainers, and, most importantly our daughter has had a great time.
Now as your reading this you are probably thinking by my tone that I am about to begin a long boring rant about how terrible everyone is and how wonderful a player my daughter is, and what a terrific “softball Dad” I am. WRONG! I am currently a decent softball dad, but I have been a terrible one, and if you’re reading this and saying to yourself, that’s not me, then it is you! And you should read on.
There is no class or online certification to becoming a good parent of a young athlete, I am reasonably sure that most of us are in it to encourage our young athletes, to help them in any way we can, and we think that our actions are always geared in that direction as well. But I can say that my actions have hurt my daughter , not on purpose mind you , and I assure you that at the time , that was not the intent, but nonetheless, I have hindered what should be her goals , by trying to implement my own.
I have read that most of the bad sports parents out there are simply trying to recreate( or in some cases actually just create) their own sporting careers as they wanted them to be instead of how they actually were , that is a simple explanation , but at least for me , totally inaccurate , I was a decent athlete , and a United States marine , I am quite confident that I have nothing more to prove , furthermore , I have daughters , and I couldn’t throw a ball the way my youngest can to save my life, (that windmill thing is just weird) . So I am not hoping to live out any failed attempts of greatness through her.
My downfalls in this process thus far relate to both how I have dealt with coaches and how I have tried to “encourage” my own little athlete, I will speak about the coaches first.
I am fairly confident that all of the coaches she has had in her life to this point have actually had only the best of intentions for my daughter, of course they are not always perfect, just as I am not always perfect. But, they are there, doing their very best. And as a parent, the first thing you need to understand is to let them. Support them, encourage them, and never say anything disparaging about them, or allow your young athlete too either. Your son or daughter, no matter how talented is still a young athlete who will need to learn to be coached for better or worse, and you as a parent are not qualified to do it all the time, They will not always be playing for you, and if you have taught them that everyone else is wrong and you are the only one worth listening to, then you are doing a great disservice to them, and it will hurt them.
If you search for tips to being good sports parents you will undoubtedly find some reference to approaching a coach about a decision they have made that you disagree with, it will say something to the effect that you should allow a “cool off” period, and should also be done in private away from the team. I see the logic in those two points, but I disagree, the best way to handle the matter is to shut up and do your job as a parent, and let them do theirs as a coach. It ultimately does not matter how you feel the team or your athlete should be coached, the worst thing you can teach a young athlete is that if things don’t always go their way, that “Mommy and Daddy will fix it” At some point in their experience as an athlete they will be disappointed, they will be treated unfairly, they will not play the position they want, or they will not play it as often as they want to. Failure is much more prevalent in sports then success, and as a parent you had better understand that, and make sure your young athlete does as well, I am certainly not trying to tell anyone to teach their kids to expect failure or encourage it, but I am sure we are all familiar with the fact that Michael Jordan was once cut from a Basketball team, so it happens and as a parent you should allow it to happen, in the big picture it will help your young athlete more than it will hurt.
Now for the shortcomings in dealing with my own daughter. As I mentioned I was a decent athlete , therefore when I see things that my daughter is doing wrong , I feel that it is my responsibility to point them out to her , and it is , briefly! And then let it be , whatever the error is , it is not the only thing that happened during that days practice , or game , or tournament , I still have not figured out the perfect mix of how to address a mistake strongly enough that it is not ignored , but not so strongly that it becomes soul crushing . It is a constant learning process as a parent, and I don’t know if there is a perfect balance, but you should be able to identify when to stop with the negative and move on. If not you ruin the love of the game that brought you on this journey to begin with.
First the highlights, for only the second time in the existence of our community little league, my daughter and her teammates won a state championship, that was a great experience with very little of the expected ridiculousness that seems to accompany youth sports, the parents were fun to be with, and we all got along, (this is a rare occurrence and thus easily memorable) We also had great competent coaching, and communication. (This is even rarer and probably experienced as often as a lottery winning or lightning strike to the temple). We also have made some very good friends, and met some wonderful young athletes, great coaches and trainers, and, most importantly our daughter has had a great time.
Now as your reading this you are probably thinking by my tone that I am about to begin a long boring rant about how terrible everyone is and how wonderful a player my daughter is, and what a terrific “softball Dad” I am. WRONG! I am currently a decent softball dad, but I have been a terrible one, and if you’re reading this and saying to yourself, that’s not me, then it is you! And you should read on.
There is no class or online certification to becoming a good parent of a young athlete, I am reasonably sure that most of us are in it to encourage our young athletes, to help them in any way we can, and we think that our actions are always geared in that direction as well. But I can say that my actions have hurt my daughter , not on purpose mind you , and I assure you that at the time , that was not the intent, but nonetheless, I have hindered what should be her goals , by trying to implement my own.
I have read that most of the bad sports parents out there are simply trying to recreate( or in some cases actually just create) their own sporting careers as they wanted them to be instead of how they actually were , that is a simple explanation , but at least for me , totally inaccurate , I was a decent athlete , and a United States marine , I am quite confident that I have nothing more to prove , furthermore , I have daughters , and I couldn’t throw a ball the way my youngest can to save my life, (that windmill thing is just weird) . So I am not hoping to live out any failed attempts of greatness through her.
My downfalls in this process thus far relate to both how I have dealt with coaches and how I have tried to “encourage” my own little athlete, I will speak about the coaches first.
I am fairly confident that all of the coaches she has had in her life to this point have actually had only the best of intentions for my daughter, of course they are not always perfect, just as I am not always perfect. But, they are there, doing their very best. And as a parent, the first thing you need to understand is to let them. Support them, encourage them, and never say anything disparaging about them, or allow your young athlete too either. Your son or daughter, no matter how talented is still a young athlete who will need to learn to be coached for better or worse, and you as a parent are not qualified to do it all the time, They will not always be playing for you, and if you have taught them that everyone else is wrong and you are the only one worth listening to, then you are doing a great disservice to them, and it will hurt them.
If you search for tips to being good sports parents you will undoubtedly find some reference to approaching a coach about a decision they have made that you disagree with, it will say something to the effect that you should allow a “cool off” period, and should also be done in private away from the team. I see the logic in those two points, but I disagree, the best way to handle the matter is to shut up and do your job as a parent, and let them do theirs as a coach. It ultimately does not matter how you feel the team or your athlete should be coached, the worst thing you can teach a young athlete is that if things don’t always go their way, that “Mommy and Daddy will fix it” At some point in their experience as an athlete they will be disappointed, they will be treated unfairly, they will not play the position they want, or they will not play it as often as they want to. Failure is much more prevalent in sports then success, and as a parent you had better understand that, and make sure your young athlete does as well, I am certainly not trying to tell anyone to teach their kids to expect failure or encourage it, but I am sure we are all familiar with the fact that Michael Jordan was once cut from a Basketball team, so it happens and as a parent you should allow it to happen, in the big picture it will help your young athlete more than it will hurt.
Now for the shortcomings in dealing with my own daughter. As I mentioned I was a decent athlete , therefore when I see things that my daughter is doing wrong , I feel that it is my responsibility to point them out to her , and it is , briefly! And then let it be , whatever the error is , it is not the only thing that happened during that days practice , or game , or tournament , I still have not figured out the perfect mix of how to address a mistake strongly enough that it is not ignored , but not so strongly that it becomes soul crushing . It is a constant learning process as a parent, and I don’t know if there is a perfect balance, but you should be able to identify when to stop with the negative and move on. If not you ruin the love of the game that brought you on this journey to begin with.
