Am I looking at this wrong?
Yes, you are. Warming up (and pitching generally) is not about you, it is about your DD. Your DD has to take ownership of warming up. So, your job is as a guide, not a dictator.
You have to help your DD discover what works for her. You have to talk to her about her performance and her warm up and how they relate. Then, work with her to figure out what (1) what she needs to do to be game ready and (2) what she wants to do to be game ready.
Your DD has to learn to tell the coach what she needs to do. Most (all?) coaches will agree to whatever the pitcher says. Your DD has to learn that her team would much prefer her to be ready for the game rather than sitting around BSing with them. Also, there is nothing wrong with your DD going between innings and throwing a little to get everything perfect.)
As @YOCOACH pointed out, there is a mental and a physical side to warming up. She has to do both.
(As a note...Your DD needs to learn the absolute minimum she needs to do be ready. In college, things don't run like clockwork. She might want a 30 minute warmup, but she may only have 5 minutes. So, she has to know how to handle that situation.)