Parent/Coach with rose colored glasses but poison voice

[quandofloo]

Odd situation here. I am going to generalize to keep this from being too easy to pinpoint to a specific person but I am curious how others would handle the situation.

We've all seen the dad/coach who can't see that they kill their kid to their face and then praise them to everyone else. His DD is always out of position, never ready to play, never has her glove down, never has her head in the game, her at bats are terrible, any of the things you expect to hear coach/dad to yell at his kid from the dugout. If she misses a ground ball at practice he yells to drop the glove and run to the fence and back. Nothing is good enough.

After games, she is a 9 year old Dustin Pedroia. She makes leaping grabs of line drives that were destined to reach the fence despite the fact that she is 4'6" with an 8" vertical jump. Her misses are near sportscenter plays where she almost rescues the first baseman for not reacting soon enough to a ball hit in the hole by nearly making a spectacular diving stop on a play that was a routine ground ball where her pants didn't even get dirty and she would have had it if she would have taken the right angle to it. Instead, the RF fielded it about 3 steps onto the grass as the runner was reaching 1st base. She is also a right handed slugger that is a developing lefty slapper despite being late on everything from the right side so she hits it to first and not being able to make contact as a slapper and being confused because she is being told to do something different at each individual at bat.

My issue is, she doesn't hear the positivity. That is reserved for other parents and coaches. She hears the negative and it is causing her to doubt herself. He is honestly a good guy that is really trying to do what he needs to do for his DD. I just don't think he can see the disparity in what he says to others versus what he says to her versus the reality of how she falls in the middle. She is a solid player that could be really good if she got some confidence and would listen a little better. She needs to pick a side to hit from and focus too, but that is a different issue. How do you address this with him as a coach without it being an attack?

 

[guero_gordo]

I think you could at least say something like "I don't pay attention to exactly what you say during a game, but I can tell you what your kid is hearing.".
Certainly as a coach, you do have the right, and unfortunately in some cases the obligation, to ask parents to control their input from the time they drop them off until they're done.

 

[JAD]

Kids react differently to different types of motivation, and I will have to admit that I say things to my DD that I would NEVER say to another player on the team. When she is not pitching well and I go to the circle for a meeting I am suddenly overtaken by turrets and I have sunflower seeds spraying everywhere as I rant and rave. I may even try kicking dirt on her cleats ala Billy Martin. My DD takes it in stride (I have been doing this since 10U) and when she gets mad she pitches better. She becomes more focused and throws 2-3 MPH faster. My younger DD on the other hand would become a blubbering mess if I tried the same approach.

 

[quandofloo]

I tell all of my pitchers idiotic jokes during mound visits.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Call it whatever you want, it still won't come.

 

[NVfishing]

The hardest thing to do is coach your own child with objectivity. I think parent coaches expect more or the most from their own.

 

[dbronstein]

The hardest thing to do is coach your own child with objectivity. I think parent coaches expect more or the most from their own.

This is because we've seen them do it hundreds of times in the backyard, so it drives us crazy when they don't do it in a game.

I've found the best way to coach my own kids is have the other coaches provide the instruction.