OK Coaches, How Would You Address This One

[CPSBDad]

DD had an OK tournament this weekend. Hit at all at-bats, but only managed to get on base twice. No RBIs. Had one error in the OF, but her's wasn't the only one committed out there. She basically sat out the whole Sunday. Three games and we got 2nd place in the gold bracket. She feels like she did nothing to contribute to the team wins. She wanted nothing to do with taking pictures with the trophy individually or with other girls. But was fine with the team photo and even smiled.

In the dugout she was all smiles talking to the other girls who were on the bench. She stood the whole game against the fence watching and cheering while some of the girls would be sitting down. Went out to the field to play catch with the other OFers. I saw all this because I was near the dugout taking pictures all day.

What would you say to her about how she feels about not contributing to the team's 2nd place win?

I had a talk to here about this but I would be interested to hear from some of you coaches.

 

[James Smith]

I suspended a player for similar behavior, I am not sure I made the right decision years later.

I talked to their parents and the player before the suspension but I am still not sure it accomplished anything.

Sorry for the non-helpful post.

 

[humpty]

I can't see why anyone would put their kid on a team where they aren't gonna play. Either she has to work hard to get better or find a new team where she can get more playing time. Or get happy about watching the team. is she the only kid that didn't play on Sunday?

 

[CPSBDad]

I'm not sure what behavior you're referring to. She showed no outward sign that she wasn't part of the win other than not taking photos with the trophy which a lot of girls didn't. I just wanted a photo with her and the trophy and she declined and walked away. I don't think the coach saw anything. She was always there in the huddle on and off the field. Re-read what I said in the second paragraph. I think this is what the coach would have seen yesterday.

 

[CPSBDad]

I can't see why anyone would put their kid on a team where they aren't gonna play. Either she has to work hard to get better or find a new team where she can get more playing time. Or get happy about watching the team. is she the only kid that didn't play on Sunday?

There was one other, but she doesn't play on Sundays typically.

As for putting her on a team, she had the opportunity to pick which team she wan't to play for. She chose this team. I believe it was a well informed choice as we discussed as much as we know about the teams she tried out for. This is fall so there could be a chance she could go to another team, but I don't do things that way. I opt for harder work so the coach has no choice but to have her play on Sunday.

 

[sluggers]

Your DD is beginning to understand the reality of sports. This is "life lesson time".

I would tell her:

Her role on this team is being a backup outfielder. If she doesn't like that role, she can either (1) find a new team, (2) quit playing softball, (3) work harder and try to take a spot from another player or (4) accept her role.​

Then, I would go through each option, and help her understand the good and bad of each option. If she were 12U, then I would recommend (1) or (3). If she were 18U, I would recommend quitting.

IMHO, there is nothing magical about softball. For some, it is an interesting game. For others, it is a bore. She might be able to get more out of drama, choir or band than softball.

I opt for harder work so the coach has no choice but to have her play on Sunday.

It is not about you. It is about her. Does *she* opt to work harder for a possibility that she might get more PT? You have to be honest with her: hard work does not always lead to success.

I have two very athletic DDs. Both played hoops and softball. DD#1 would do anything to get more pitching time. DD#3 would do anything to get more PT at basketball. Different people, different priorities.

I talked to their parents and the player before the suspension but I am still not sure it accomplished anything.

Coach James, I'm sure--it didn't accomplish anything.

 

[James Smith]

I did read your post, including the 2nd paragraph.

No matter what contribution DD makes to the Team, she is a great cheerer, she is part of the Team and is not going to sulk until we get into the car.

 

[joemcq51]

So your DD is roughly player number 8-11 on the team. Understanding that is half the battle. Both your DD and you need to know where you are in the coaches opinion. Now, how hard is she willing to work to get in the top 6? Those players will typically get the quality playing time. Have her put extra time in hitting. Off a tee, soft toss, front toss. If she becomes a good hitter, that will get you in the lineup. You can do one of two things. Be mad at her lack of playing time and look for another team. Motivate her to work harder and make her a better player. The choice is yours as her parent.

 

[CPSBDad]

I don't like quitters and my kids know that. I'm more of the mindset to motivate her to work harder and become a better player.

Slugger, I said the exact thing to her. She's a '99. Options 1 and 2 aren't going to happen. 3 most likely.

 

[Bigclubswinger]

I'm continuously amazed at people that would want feedback from strangers when these situations are so much more complicated than anything you can describe in a post. I'm equally amazed at how many have it all figured out based on so little information. My limited advice in most every situation like this would be to wait a couple days and then have your daughter calmly ask the coach what she needs to do to help the team more. If coach doesn't respect her reasonable, non-emotional question on her playing time then she might need a new coach. If he welcomes the question but she can't live with the response then maybe it is time to reevaluate. Don't jump to conclusions and communicate. Maybe there is something in coach's eyes that needs attention and improvement. Having your daughter address the issue with her coach will teach her valuable lessons for the future regardless of the outcome.