need advice re: friends vs a team upgrade

[Sparky Guy]

The whole friends thing is the bane of high level players. Young girls often see the opportunity to advance from the wrong/reverse angle. They see changing teams as leaving their friends on the current team instead of looking forward to the opportunity to make more friends on a new team. The upside in the OP's situation is an upgrade in the overall softball situation for their DD. If the friends on the current team are REAL friends they will not try to hold her back. Females have the innate ability to use emotional blackmail with skilled precision, even at a young age when the situation is not what they want.

The OP's DD needs to understand at 2nd year 14U, heading into 16U the focus must shift towards her individual needs and wants as a player. Friends matter, but there are times in our lives where "I/Me" must come first. Trying to get the 14U mind to understand that when they are at the crossroads of moving into the more adult situations in life is tough. The thoughts are not long term. They are more worried about today, tomorrow and maybe next week if you're lucky.

With the recruiting races forcing college coaches into looking at younger kids it's not fair to force the kids into life choices at a young age, but it's the reality of the current softball environment we exist in. That's where the parents need to step in and try to guide their DD into making the right decision for her future.

My opinion is to convince her this can be best for her in the long term. That is if the OP is being honest with their assessment of their DD's ability. The higher level team seems to think so by extending her an offer for a roster spot.

 

[Sparky Guy]

BB cried when she hung up the phone. She had always wanted to play for the big time TB Team. Then, she commented that she can't let her best friend down and so, called the coach of the big time program and declined the invite. She called the other coach and was on the team. She has never looked back. Last night, her best friend spent the night at BB's apartment. She had driven up from a few states away to spend the weekend. They are still best friends.

Would they have still been best friends if BB played for the big time program? My guess is yes.

 

[Rambler34]

My DD went through the same thing last winter. Did she leave the team she had been with for 5 years and her friends or stick it out where she wasn't very happy or sure about the future. I told her at some point she has to worry about what she wants down the road and not worry about what others want. It is her future so she has to be the one to take responsibility for it.

 

[catchermama]

We just went through this as well. She has been on her team for the last few years and I was getting a little concerned about her development as she moves up in age level (12U now). She was not offering me good enough reasons to remain on her current team. She said things like: I'm comfortable on my team; I don't want to leave my friends; I don't want to get different color shin guards (I'm not kidding - she said this)

I told her those weren't good enough reasons to stay and made her attend a few tryouts. I gave her my reasons why a new team might be better and told her to really think about those things while she attended tryouts. I told her the final decision was hers, but we were not going to just completely shut out other opportunities over shin guard colors. I think the best you can do is state your own case to give them things to think about; help them think about their own goals and then ultimately let them make the final decision. And then, of course, you have to be OK with whatever decision they make - that's the hard part.

 

[Snotbubbles]

It's your DD's journey. Let her make the decision. Just make sure that she gets input from sources other than you before she makes the decision.

 

[Cannonball]

Would they have still been best friends if BB played for the big time program? My guess is yes.

The difference is, they spent every weekend together from the time that they were 9 until they went off to college. BB would have been traveling more and who knows? This is the same young lady who I've posted before is like my second daughter. She comes over, raids the fridge, has her own chair, ... So, I'm glad that they remain best friends.

There may be a bigger question here and that would be would BB have been seen by more D-Is and had other offers. For us and her, it didn't matter. She was never caught up in any of the D-1 versus D-II stuff. So, for her, it didn't matter as much to be seen by more D-Is. That made her decision easier.

 

[sluggers]

I have to disagree with Cannonball about this...

Cannonball was and still is an experienced, exceptional HS baseball/softball coach. He had a .700 winning percentage as a HS baseball coach, winning more than 200 games. He was coaching baseball well before his DD became a softball prospect. He knows as much about hitting, fielding, team play and team management in softball and baseball as anyone on this forum. His DD played for him in HS, so she learned the "finer points" of softball from him. His DD didn't really need good TB coaches, because she already had a great coach "on call" 24/7.

As a parent of kid who didn't have a knowledgeable coach living with her...

If a kid wants to learn to play advanced softball (or advanced basketball, soccer, chess, flute, clarinet, etc.), she has to be around people who know how to play advanced softball. There is no substitute for it.

 

[Cannonball]

Sluggers, as always, that was an excellent post about the difference between my dd and others.

BTW, and this is a kind of parent brag, BB has been inundated with NAIA and NCAA D-II schools contacting her this week to be an assistant coach for them. It is kind of shocking that all of these offers came in one weekend. She knows a lot for a young lady.