My daughter doesn't make mistakes

[Mike]

At least that was what I was told in an e-mail after the weekend tournament, by another parent about her kid. I got an e-mail that started by saying they don't like drama and don't really throw fits about playing time. Then procceded to tell me how the
3rd baseman made many, many mistakes and guarenteed me her daughter would not have made any mistakes. BTW this is 12-U, there were some mistakes made BY EVERY PLAYER ON THE FIELD, at times. 35 innings this weekend, her daughter got to see a few at 3rd and did fine. Don't want to give to much info, however there are some attitude issues with her daughter. We plan to keep working her in a little at a time and keep checking the attitude. I dont like to reward condescendingly cordial letters like this or attitudes that change with the line up. The player has not mentioned a word to me, and is the youngest on the team. I feel if I give more time now it will be for the wrong reasons, but I still want to give her a fair shake. This letter ticks me off. What would you do?

Thanks,
Mike

 

[Mike]

Follow up question.
How much of an explination do I owe a parent? If I am being completely honest I feel the only answer that will be accepted is, you are right and I will put her in her rightful position.

 

[sluggers]

Mike...

A) Obviously, the parents are emotional idiots about their kids--aren't we all? But, you need to separate your feelings about the parents and the feeling about the player. You have responsibility to your players. They deserve your respect.

You should evaluate how much playing time she got with respect to the other players. Coaches make mistakes. There was one tournament where I unintentionally didn't play a girl as much as she deserved. It happens to everyone. Spend some time on this. See how many innings she played and compare it with the other kids. Talk to your assistant coaches.

If it were me, I would find a way to get her a little more time either at the end of games or during meaningless games.

B) The most important thing for any person is to be heard. You have to acknowledge that you understand what they said. That doesn't mean you agree with what they say or that something is going to change. But, you *HAVE* to acknowledge that you hear them. If you don't do that, you are begging for a confrontation.

Beyond that, I would sit down with your player and the parents and talk about it. Get your stats ready, and go through the situation with them.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Beyond that, I would sit down with your player and the parents and talk about it. Get your stats ready, and go through the situation with them.

Well crap, hate to agree with Sluggers.......but

We have some major drama going on in HS ball now. We have a large group of JR's and SR's. But have 3 freshmen starting Varsity. 2 pitchers and a SS. And the parents of the older girls NOT getting play time are going nuts. Running down the coach after games, sending emails, having their DD's start 'stuff' in the dugout. It's bad.

Stats?? How can anyone complain when 1 of the freshmen has a perfect 0.00 ERA, the other has 1.20 and both are hitting over .650.

Before our game Saturday the coach came to me and said " your daughter let one of my SR's have it about her complaining she is just a freshman and should be on JV. And she can't say that in the dugout", then he pulled me too the side and whispered " hell, I'm glad she did.......off the record".

 

[Jojo]

It's hard to show attitude on the stats.

 

[Mike]

I agree with both of you. However I should add playing TIME is not the issue. We picked her up to help with pitching primarly. I should have said she got a few innings at 3rd base, shes the #4 pitcher and got 5 total innings pitching and probably around 15 to 20 inning in outfield. She got plenty of playing time, just not at the position the mom thinks shes suited for.

Does that change anything?

Thanks,
Mike

 

[sluggers]

OH...OK...this is the old "my little pumpkin is an *INSERT POSITION*" when in fact she is an *INSERT POSITION*.

Is she playing the outfield because she is an outfielder? Or are you putting her out there because you are hiding her?

I once had a girl who had a great arm and was the fastest kid on the team. The parents wanted her to be a catcher--I had to spend a lot of time explaining to them that outfielders are important.

This is an educational problem.

(1) Always with make sure that the parents know that you have heard what they say. It also helps to understand their position--understanding what they are saying doesn't mean agreeing with what they say. Find out "why". You don't have to agree with them, but it is extremely important that THEY KNOW you understand them.

(2) Usually, this is simply a matter of education. Parents rarely understand the game. So, sit down with her and her parents and explain "why" DD is playing the outfield. Explain why playing 3B doesn't utilize all of her talents, and that she would be wasting some of her ability by playing there.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Was it known to the parents she would be the #4 pitcher? On my team that would mean a pool game and maybe 'close' a blow out game. So when you gave her about 5 innings that sounds fair to me. Was she a #2-3 pitcher on another team? That may have been the problem. Maybe she didn't see as much pitching time as she is use to.

This is your team and you can do what you like. But if she was a pick up and mom is already raising cane, just beware.

And good luck. I've been there.....done that.

 

[Simo]

Stats?? How can anyone complain when 1 of the freshmen has a perfect 0.00 ERA, the other has 1.20 and both are hitting over .650.

If you have a pitcher who has a perfect ERA, would it make a big difference to start the players who have stuck with the program for 3-4 years in some capacity? Unless they are terrible fielders and can't hit their way out of a wet paper bag, you might try to relieve some of the pressure this way. I know what you are talking about and it is one of the main reasons I am glad that I am not coaching HS ball this year. It is tough to juggle the whats best for the team and loyalty to those who have stuck with the program for 4 years under any circumstance, but it is more difficult when you do not have dominating pitchers and every hit and play in the field can be the difference between a win or loss. Sounds like that is not the case. Another possibility is using some of the more senior players in a DH role or vice versa. Parents whose kids have stuck with the program sometimes are also the ones who pitch in on fund raisers, clean up days, major boosters of the program etc. I know that it shouldn't make a difference with respect to playing time, but we are dealing with human beings, with some pretty strong emotions. Coaching in HS comes down to parent and administration (AD/Principal) management. Working with the girls is a piece of cake by comparison.

 

[Mike]

Thanks. I have two daughters on the team. The oldest gets the lions share at 2nd base, no dispute from anyone. The younger one is in the exact same boat as the girl this is about. My younger daughter shares the #2/3 pitching spot but actually pitched 1 less inning than this girl, and loves to play first base. She got 3 innings there and the rest outfield and bench, all with a huge smile on her face. Threre are 2 kids that saw no infield time and split time in the outfield and you can't wipe the smiles off there face. Girl in question is attitudy, which I am fine with and willing to help her work through it. But I am not willing to let her mom tell me how bad she thinks other players are. Whats the saying..."one bad apple..something something".

I will avoid my first instinct. I will let her know I hear her and understand her frustration. We have a plan for the team, I don't feel I need to discuss that with her, only where her daugher fits into it.

Thanks,
Mike