Managing expectations

[_MIA_]

Here's a thought along the lines of wheresmycar had. Score the games on GameChanger or similar programs. That way it also helps the team and coaches out as well. You'll be too engaged trying to figure out if that was a Triple, or a single with a 2 base error

Thanks. Somebody already does that and it is always a triple from what I can tell.. I probably need to borrow the scorekeeper's glasses..

 

[Rocketech1]

FWIW, I enjoyed the games more when I coached my DD & DS as I was preoccupied with coaching duties during the game and had some control the team that helped me relax. For example, it's difficult to watch my DD's games now, especially when she is pitching or hitting, as I cannot call the pitches or tell her she is holding her bat too high, and we have to have trust in her and the coaches to make the adjustments. But as others have mentioned, it's THEIR game, not ours and we need to be supportive and positive, even as a spectator.

 

[Eric F]

Here's a thought along the lines of wheresmycar had. Score the games on GameChanger or similar programs. That way it also helps the team and coaches out as well. You'll be too engaged trying to figure out if that was a Triple, or a single with a 2 base error

Pattar - This ^^^ is pretty good advice. As someone who battles some of the same internal struggles - although not as intense, I'm guessing - I have found that keeping score for the team demands that I pay attention to the whole game, and not just my DD's performance. I don't have time to dwell for more than a brief moment on the mediocre swing that resulted in a easy-out dribbler to 2B, or the off-target throw to 3B that allowed a run to score. It also helps you realize that every single other kid on the field is also not perfect.

The fact that you recognize your own behavior, and how it can be detrimental, is a huge step in the right direction. Keep fighting to get to where you want to be. Hopefully, you will find peace while watching your DD play the game she loves in the near future.

 

[Fastpitch_Dad]

Patter,
Honestly I think any parent that is on this site suffers from the same flaws as you have described with different intensity levels.

My advice...you have to learn that neither you or a coach can “fix” your DD as a player.

Embrace the realization that coaching and teaching players at this age does not have as much impact as you think it does!!! I look back on photos and video of my DD over 10u and 12u and I see improved mechanics but it is clearly the same kid and tendencies.

Go manic on this site, leave it for a week, binge again, and then leave for a week.
[MENTION=10413]riseball[/MENTION] made a comment about pitchers aren’t made until the age of 14 (rough interpretation) and that has stuck with me. My DD is just now going into 14u and softball is clearly her sport and not mine. I have kept my OCD in check and try to sit back and watch games like I was a grand parent and enjoy the experience of watching.

Good luck


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Fastpitch_Dad]

Patter,
Honestly I think any parent that is on this site suffers from the same flaws as you have described with different intensity levels.

My advice...you have to learn that neither you or a coach can “fix” your DD as a player.

Embrace the realization that coaching and teaching players at this age does not have as much impact as you think it does!!! I look back on photos and video of my DD over 10u and 12u and I see improved mechanics but it is clearly the same kid and tendencies.

Go manic on this site, leave it for a week, binge again, and then leave for a week.
[MENTION=10413]riseball[/MENTION] made a comment about pitchers aren’t made until the age of 14 (rough interpretation) and that has stuck with me. My DD is just now going into 14u and softball is clearly her sport and not mine. I have kept my OCD in check and try to sit back and watch games like I was a grand parent and enjoy the experience of watching.

Good luck


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[FP26]

I think back to when DD first starting playing the game. I remember her as a 6 year old playing tee ball. In our league, we actually utilized catchers for tee ball. Basically all they did was pick up the ball off the ground and place it on the tee for the hitter. I remember her very first game doing this. The only gear our league had was much too big on her. The helmet would flop around and cover her eyes. I remember one time she bent over to pick up the ball and fell flat on her face from being top heavy. Wow... Has she come a long way since then. The point is, they all start somewhere, and it takes some time for them to develop. Here are some other memories that in my opinion have led my DD to where she is today.

1) I tried my best to not compare her to pros or even to myself when she was super young. I did, however, compare her to other girls her age. I know this can be good or bad, but I admit to doing it. She loved playing catch when she was younger. I remember times when she was 5 years old that I would throw her short pop ups with a tennis ball. She would catch over half of them. By the time she was 6 I could throw the tennis ball as high as I could and she would typically catch it. Very few of her teammates were able to catch anything above their heads. Most would keep their glove facing the ground and struggled any time they needed to face the fingers to the sky. Yeah, I realize this isn't a big deal, but at 6, I was proud of her for her ability in that area.
2) She would spend hours throwing a tennis ball on top of our house roof and catching it when it came down. Or throwing the ball off the garage door and catching it on its way back. (Note to self -- time to change that garage door...). Or tossing a wiffle ball up in the air and seeing how far she could hit it.
3) She always loved hanging out with DW and myself. We would often watch baseball games on tv (and eventually softball games). She would ask questions about what they were doing. Things like tagging up, or double plays, or whatever. She was always curious, and I just felt blessed to have that time with her. So I shared as much of my knowledge as I possibly could. Now its to the point that DW will make some off the wall comment, and DD just looks at me and laughs about it.

As she progressed in rec ball, my goal switched from comparing her to the other players, to comparing her to what she did previously. Throughout my coaching career I have always stressed to be happy with your accomplishments, but never satisfied. Always push yourself to improve. That has been my mantra with academics as well. As she has progressed to travel ball, high school ball, and beyond, I once again find myself comparing her to the other players, but I do my best to hide that. I continue to compare her 'today' with her 'yesterday'. Continue to improve. Continue to work hard. And everything will be ok.

Pattar -- Based on your posts you seem like a really good guy. And I know you have your DDs best interests at heart. I know it is difficult, but try to not let these things get to you. At some point in time, either something will click and she will blow you completely away. Or she may choose a different passion altogether. Either way, enjoy every minute you have to spend with her. DD is moving to college on 8/25, and I am absolutely not ready. She is, but I am not. It's going to be a difficult day for DW and myself. But we are proud of the woman she has become. Your will get there too. But WAY faster than you can possibly imagine.

 

[spleen1015]

pattar,

It's going to be okay man. Seriously, it is. She's still young. There is a long way to go.

One of the lessons I have leaned over the years is not to compare my DD to others. If your DD is an OF, don't look at OF that are good and compare your daughter. Just focus on what you can do to help her get better.

Also, she may not want to give it the same effort that you want her to give. She's the one playing. It's about what she wants and not what you want.

One more thing that I think is very important is to be positive in your approach. You can help her become a great player without be a nutcase all of the time. You have a long time before it matters. Enjoy the ride, man.

 

[_MIA_]

I think back to when DD first starting playing the game. I remember her as a 6 year old playing tee ball. In our league, we actually utilized catchers for tee ball. Basically all they did was pick up the ball off the ground and place it on the tee for the hitter. I remember her very first game doing this. The only gear our league had was much too big on her. The helmet would flop around and cover her eyes. I remember one time she bent over to pick up the ball and fell flat on her face from being top heavy. Wow... Has she come a long way since then. The point is, they all start somewhere, and it takes some time for them to develop. Here are some other memories that in my opinion have led my DD to where she is today.

1) I tried my best to not compare her to pros or even to myself when she was super young. I did, however, compare her to other girls her age. I know this can be good or bad, but I admit to doing it. She loved playing catch when she was younger. I remember times when she was 5 years old that I would throw her short pop ups with a tennis ball. She would catch over half of them. By the time she was 6 I could throw the tennis ball as high as I could and she would typically catch it. Very few of her teammates were able to catch anything above their heads. Most would keep their glove facing the ground and struggled any time they needed to face the fingers to the sky. Yeah, I realize this isn't a big deal, but at 6, I was proud of her for her ability in that area.
2) She would spend hours throwing a tennis ball on top of our house roof and catching it when it came down. Or throwing the ball off the garage door and catching it on its way back. (Note to self -- time to change that garage door...). Or tossing a wiffle ball up in the air and seeing how far she could hit it.
3) She always loved hanging out with DW and myself. We would often watch baseball games on tv (and eventually softball games). She would ask questions about what they were doing. Things like tagging up, or double plays, or whatever. She was always curious, and I just felt blessed to have that time with her. So I shared as much of my knowledge as I possibly could. Now its to the point that DW will make some off the wall comment, and DD just looks at me and laughs about it.

As she progressed in rec ball, my goal switched from comparing her to the other players, to comparing her to what she did previously. Throughout my coaching career I have always stressed to be happy with your accomplishments, but never satisfied. Always push yourself to improve. That has been my mantra with academics as well. As she has progressed to travel ball, high school ball, and beyond, I once again find myself comparing her to the other players, but I do my best to hide that. I continue to compare her 'today' with her 'yesterday'. Continue to improve. Continue to work hard. And everything will be ok.

Pattar -- Based on your posts you seem like a really good guy. And I know you have your DDs best interests at heart. I know it is difficult, but try to not let these things get to you. At some point in time, either something will click and she will blow you completely away. Or she may choose a different passion altogether. Either way, enjoy every minute you have to spend with her. DD is moving to college on 8/25, and I am absolutely not ready. She is, but I am not. It's going to be a difficult day for DW and myself. But we are proud of the woman she has become. Your will get there too. But WAY faster than you can possibly imagine.

Thanks FP26.

Getting to your comparison to kids her age, part of the issue is that my DD looks very athletic compared to most girls her age (she had the fastest shuttle run times in her whole elementary school as a second grader, boys or girls) and so perhaps I expect more out of her than I should. I'll be hitting her groundballs and she will take a ball up the middle or in the hole and look like she is 14 but then the next one I will hit it straight at her and her footwork will look like my 3 year old. Same thing with her hitting. I guess that is part of being an athletic 8 year old..flashes of beyond her age actions mixed in with typical 8 year old mistakes.

The thing that bothers me the most is I, of all people with my athletics experiences, should know that it is only softball and it isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. I should also know that being good at 8 or 12 or 14 doesn't mean much either..been there done that and am now a desk jockey. There is just something about my personality that tends to obsess about things. I need to figure it out because I have 3 children and they deserve to have a father who enjoys watching them play sports should they choose to.

Good luck with your DD..I still remember my Mom balling and my Dad unsuccessfully trying to hold back tears when they dropped me off to college for the first time even though I was only going to school an hour away.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

I always joke with people that the best thing my DD could do is play soccer....I literally don't even know how many people are supposed to be on the field for that game

I do coach DD, and during practice and games I treat her like any other player. It surprises me all the talk I hear of coaches favoring their DD over other players because if anything I feel like I am the exact opposite of that.

My expectations are unrealistic for her. As long as she tries hard and puts forth an effort, I keep my mouth shut and always try and find something positive to say. You made a great play, that was a great throw, way to hustle to that ball. Eventually I feel like I will be coaching a team without her on it because she just doesn't seem interested in anything other than watching TV and being on her computer, but for now, I am trying to encourage and make it fun.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

I always joke with people that the best thing my DD could do is play soccer....I literally don't even know how many people are supposed to be on the field for that game

I do coach DD, and during practice and games I treat her like any other player. It surprises me all the talk I hear of coaches favoring their DD over other players because if anything I feel like I am the exact opposite of that.

My expectations are unrealistic for her. As long as she tries hard and puts forth an effort, I keep my mouth shut and always try and find something positive to say. You made a great play, that was a great throw, way to hustle to that ball. Eventually I feel like I will be coaching a team without her on it because she just doesn't seem interested in anything other than watching TV and being on her computer, but for now, I am trying to encourage and make it fun.