We just wrapped up a VERY long season with a negative coach. Constant yelling, negative energy, degrading, only saw mistakes, and divided the team (new players vs old players). As a parent I probably should have pulled my DD from the team but I wanted to teach her to see something through even if it gets hard. And yes myself and several parents discussed our concerns with the coach. Fast forward to the end of the season and my DD is a completely different player and not for the better. She tells me she doesn’t love the game like she used to and is afraid that her next coach will be the same or worse. I am her biggest cheerleader but she is a kid that needs positive reinforcement from her coaches. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
How do I bring my 13 yr old DD’s love for the game back?
- Thread starter NavyChck
- Start date
Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch
Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.
This is not an uncommon story.
My DD ran into a similar situation at the start of her first 16U season. The team was just not a good fit for her, and we talked through it - her feelings, team commitment, etc. - and decided that retiring from the team and taking a break until the start of the HS season (which she was still excited about) was the right choice. She didn't play at all for about 3 months, and then agreed to be a guest player on a long-time friend's lower-level travel team for a 1-day tournament. She had fun. There was no pressure, no performance demands, no regimented recruiting program. It was just playing the game. She had a great start to the HS season, but it was cut short by COVID. Her attitude about the game changed. She started really having fun again. That summer, she decided to continue with our friend's team. It was different than she had experienced for a long time. They all worked hard, but the atmosphere was more relaxed, and there were other girls who had gone through similar struggles. A little over a year later, that lower-level team has developed nicely, attracted some additional talent, and is in the midst of TC/USA Nationals right now, and is heading to PGF Nationals at the end of this month. About 2 months ago, my DD told me that she is having more fun playing the game than she has in a long time.
Everyone's journey is different, but I know more than a few good players who have needed a break and a re-set to find their love again. A coach I know had a DD quit playing 3 different times in her teens. She ended up playing 4 years of college ball at a D2 school.
My DD ran into a similar situation at the start of her first 16U season. The team was just not a good fit for her, and we talked through it - her feelings, team commitment, etc. - and decided that retiring from the team and taking a break until the start of the HS season (which she was still excited about) was the right choice. She didn't play at all for about 3 months, and then agreed to be a guest player on a long-time friend's lower-level travel team for a 1-day tournament. She had fun. There was no pressure, no performance demands, no regimented recruiting program. It was just playing the game. She had a great start to the HS season, but it was cut short by COVID. Her attitude about the game changed. She started really having fun again. That summer, she decided to continue with our friend's team. It was different than she had experienced for a long time. They all worked hard, but the atmosphere was more relaxed, and there were other girls who had gone through similar struggles. A little over a year later, that lower-level team has developed nicely, attracted some additional talent, and is in the midst of TC/USA Nationals right now, and is heading to PGF Nationals at the end of this month. About 2 months ago, my DD told me that she is having more fun playing the game than she has in a long time.
Everyone's journey is different, but I know more than a few good players who have needed a break and a re-set to find their love again. A coach I know had a DD quit playing 3 different times in her teens. She ended up playing 4 years of college ball at a D2 school.
Not alone at all. Also keep in mind that she might just be done with it. That happens, too, and there's nothing wrong with it. My older DD (not a travel player) played softball through her freshman year of HS, and then switched to cheer. It was the right thing for her.
We were in your shoes last year! It was horrible, it caused her to loose her love for the game and at the end of the season she wasn't sure if she wanted to play anymore. She went to tryouts anyway. The first tryout she went to she immediately clicked with a couple of the girls and really liked the coach. She walked out of the tryout and said "this is the one Mom". Fortunately they offered her a spot and her love for the game came back pretty quick, It just took the right environment.
- May 29, 2015
- 3,815
- 113
Great advice above ... and your daughter is FAR from alone in having that experience!
The thing I would add is to have very open and honest lines of communication with her. Especially since she is coming off a bad team, she needs to know you are there to support her, no matter what that means. We were the same way with our daughters, always wanted them to see things through. Looking back, I can think of at least three times that we made the wrong decision there. (One time we did tell our oldest we would support her decisions to quit, but she didn't. She just realized she wasn't going to get a fair shake and adjusted her expectations.)
Then, keep that support and communication practice in your back pocket to use later ... because boyfriends and bad teams have a lot in common.
The thing I would add is to have very open and honest lines of communication with her. Especially since she is coming off a bad team, she needs to know you are there to support her, no matter what that means. We were the same way with our daughters, always wanted them to see things through. Looking back, I can think of at least three times that we made the wrong decision there. (One time we did tell our oldest we would support her decisions to quit, but she didn't. She just realized she wasn't going to get a fair shake and adjusted her expectations.)
Then, keep that support and communication practice in your back pocket to use later ... because boyfriends and bad teams have a lot in common.
Good perspective. I'd say don't let one bad coach drive her out of the game. Give it another shot with a better fit, but be prepared for her to move on, too.
Similar threads
