Only play her OF IF it works for the team. No if's, and's or but's about it...if you have another player that is better suited for OF, then play them. That's all that matters. It's the parent's problem...not yours. You have a TEAM to coach and play...no mind games should come into this equation whatsoever. That's my take on it.
High School Parent Problem
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Only play her OF IF it works for the team. No if's, and's or but's about it...if you have another player that is better suited for OF, then play them. That's all that matters. It's the parent's problem...not yours. You have a TEAM to coach and play...no mind games should come into this equation whatsoever. That's my take on it.
No. It's between you and her. He doesn't count.
I agree with this. Really surprised at some parents. I have already been conditioning my 8th grade DD to be in charge of her relationships with coaches so that she's in charge in HS. She knows all I will do is write the checks, play chauffeur and cheer for her in the stands...no more than that. All you need to do is ask her if everything is okay, and perhaps gently probe her feelings about what her dad said WITHOUT bringing him into the conversation. Let her tell you.
Good luck to you!
I don't think it is needed, what I would do for her is what I would do for any other player actually talk to them. It does not have to be some kind of long drawn out thing, I have actually done this in the warm up line as they are playing catch. I stand beside the player and say "today I am starting you in the OF, I want you to focus on every play, make sure you always hustle to your back up responsibility on every play, I am confident you will get on base and when you do pay more attention to your leads I still want you to be aggressive but we can't afford to give up easy out on the base paths, OK go out there and give me 100%" and then move down the line to the next girl. Again it is not something I do every game with every girl, sometimes it is during practice I tell the girls "take 5 and get some water" then call Suzie over again no long drawn out thing we might be somewhere around the batters box while the rest of the girls are in the dugout...then same conversation as above.
I do have to say that I pound into the girls heads did the same thing when I had boys and everyone of them know the answer to the question "where and when do I play?"....."wherever and whenever you say coach" I always let them know they can talk to me after the game at next practice but never on game day or during tournament.
Again I think the best advice is to do exactly what you would have done if the parent had not called don't take it out on the player to prove a point that her dad is out of line. Just like every player you evaluated what was best for the team and thought she should be in the line up so that is where she belongs....nobody ever said this was going to be easy
Cannonball
Ex "Expert"
- Feb 25, 2009
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Good that you had a parent meeting.
- If you were going to start her then start her. You don't even know if her dad told her he was making the phone call. However, after your game tonight, I'd let her know that the chain of command was broken by her father and that that is not acceptable.
- You should never talk about any other player with that dad. Once he began those talking points, you should have cut him off and let him know that you won't do that. Believe me, I've done that a million times. Focus on his kid. When he made the excuse that she is not focused, then I would have pointed out that if she can't focus when given a chance to be in the game then how can she be trused to focus any other time unless the dad wants to conceed that she is all about herself and could care less about the team.
- You have to find a good time to talk to this young lady about your expectations if she remains on the team. IMO, I'd let her know that if playing travel basketball is important to her, then she should go do that.
- You need to address the team and make it clear that the best play. Now, "the best" is your opinion at any given time and can change. However, there are good ways and bad ways to make you change your mind. Give examples of both good and bad.
- I'd make sure everyone knows that team comes first over any player. There are no stars. It takes every player on your roster to enable the team to win and so, if they don't want to be a part of that then they need to search themselves about what they want out of the sport.
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Cannonball
Ex "Expert"
- Feb 25, 2009
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David, I respectfully disagree but do admit that I'm a little different than a lot of people. I make it clear to every parent that there will never be a converstation where I "don't let them (player) know that they have talked to me." I refuse to talk behind a player's back and so, anything I say to a parent WILL BE said to the player. We are all wired differently and so, I won't say that this is the best for all but I have found that it works for me.
Guess it is just a different approach, I will always approach a player if I have talked the parent and say the same thing I said to the parent, I just don't think it is a requirement to start the conversation with "your dad called me last night and we talked." As long as both parent and player get the same feedback I have never had a problem. Again not a big deal just different strokes for different folks....although I have to admit I am the luckiest coach around in that my true "problem" situations have been very few, I attribute it mostly to starting off on the right foot at the very beginning I think all the parents see me as pretty much an easy gong laid back guy but once we are between the lines everyone understand who is responsible for running the team, period!
Cannonball
Ex "Expert"
- Feb 25, 2009
- 4,891
- 113
David, I agree and am glad you took my comments in the way that they were intended. I have coached for most of my life and 26 years at the HS level. In that time, I have had some of the best parents imaginable. However, I have had a couple that were over the edge and beyond the pale. No coach wants the parent call. However, that is a reality. During my parent meetings, I commented to parents that if we talk, it will be with the AD present. Still, one or two just could not help themselves. It got real ugly and that is an understatement.
Check my post from a month ago titled "who's running the team"
I feel your pain-(tenfold) Keep a detailed record of all contact with
everyone involved. I will be updating my post in a couple of weeks.
If we could coach the team, it would be awesome, unfortunately we
also have to deal with adults, who sometimes do not even let their daughter
know what is going on as they get off on a tangent to stroke their own egos.
I feel your pain-(tenfold) Keep a detailed record of all contact with
everyone involved. I will be updating my post in a couple of weeks.
If we could coach the team, it would be awesome, unfortunately we
also have to deal with adults, who sometimes do not even let their daughter
know what is going on as they get off on a tangent to stroke their own egos.
