Frustrating Season

[Crazy Softball Guy]

I don't know if you are wrong or not to feel the way you feel. But "Confronting the coach after practice" is not the way to handle it.
IMHO you need to back off and let your child handle the interactions with the coaches. Use your experience and knowledge to coach up your child and help her improve.

Agree with this 100%. Ultimately, the only person that is hurt when a parent complains to a coach about their DD's playing time, armed with stats in hand, is the DD. Let the coaches coach and make the decisions. It's great that your DD struck out 10 batters in one game. However, coaches look at what's in the best interest of the TEAM. Back off, and let your DD deal with the coaching staff and fight her own battles. Constantly approaching the coach about playing time is going to make things even worse for her (it's obvious it hasn't worked). Instead of crying to you, she could ask the coach exactly what she needs to do to prove she's worthy of more mound time or being able to practice with the varsity team, then she needs to go do it. There's 'politics' at every level - rec, TB, HS, and there are always going to be parents who feel their kid is being slighted. How you and your DD handle it will be the key to success.

 

[David Carter]

I think just use this year as a learning experience. How is your DD doing on her travel team? it is a step up in competition from any JV squad does she strike out 10 at TB tournaments even if she is only pitching pool games? What is your DD batting avg, OBP; what position does she play when she is not pitching? There are always two sides to every story.

As a junior next year I would make a pledge to myself that I will not talk to the coach except to say thanks for all you do for the girls or great game or some other pleasantry.

You should teach your daughter to during her interactions with her coach to start most conversations about her playing time or position on the team with " I want to improve so I can ___________ what can I do to get better?"

 

[rancest]

Had same issue with my daughter and her coach. I told my daughter she need to ask why she was not playing more in the field. new coach and she had started every game on varsity as a freshman the year before. She has pretty much been used as the DP up to that point. The next day she asked her coach two questions. The first what do I need to be able to play the field every game and can I get a copy of my stats each week. The coached explained to her what he want from her. She came home and worked on them and after a week of games and practice she was back to starting in the outfield. At her teams award banquet she was voted most improved by the coaching staff. I truely believe it was because she made the effort to talk to her coach and earned his respect.

 

[CoachKevin]

Yup, get used to it... just wait until All-League players are announced hahaha. 1st Team Outfield from our HS had the worst fld % of the team (Yes a CF with a fld % of .750), and her BA was .250ish.... All I can say is it's only a couple of months of ball and not worth the fuss. Just say "Whatever"

 

[sluggers]

I just get frustrated with the politics and favoritism. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

No.

I confront the coach the next day at the end of practice.

Not such a good idea. No matter how tempting it is, you have to stay out of it. It is really between your DD and her coach. She will be a junior in HS. She has to stand on her own two feet. You can and should help *her* talk with the coach.

But, you can't get between the two of them. You make your DD look like an immature 12 YOA girl.

DD has been working very hard for the last few years and had gone unnoticed because coach plays favorites with players and their parents.

I've been through this a couple of times. Your DD has to become so good that she is impossible to be ignored.

 

[EP Dad]

And if your DD isn't so good that she's impossible to be ignored you have to just sit there and take it. Cause there has NEVER been an instance where going to the coach directly as a parent, or being the whiny parent, has EVER gotten the DD that "isn't so good she's impossible to be ignored" anything.

1. Stats don't mean anything.
2. Winning doesn't mean anything.

I'm an expert on that particular kind of player. I learned to shut up. I just hope it's not too late.

 

[Riseball Rusty]

Thanks for all your comments! Let me first say the people in this area don't take softball as serious in terms of developing kids so they can get to the next level. Only one player that I know of has gone on to play college ball in the last 20 years. It's very telling about our program and the poeple who run it. We are about 2 years behind as far as HS ball is concerned. The coaches have a NO PARENT RULE! no parent can be down by the field durung practice. I have watched them practice every day and I have to say , what a waste of time. Every thing that is being taugh they know already! Most of the players have the worst mechanics, they can't even throw correctly. They will never turn a double play beacuse their not being taught how to get rid of the ball in any acceptable time frame. The coaches simply don't have the knowledge to teach advanced stuff to these kids and if its even mentioned to the coaches they get defensive. Any coach who is truely dedicated to growing a program keeps stats! That's how you evaluate progress and know where the work needs to be done. I have to say that no one and I mean no one works as hard as my DD on her game. After her regular practice we practice an additional 2 hours and every body knows this. They see us working on her game and many parents comment about her dicication to the game and she also takes time to work with the other players to help develope thier game. She is a total team player! The other kids don't even come close in terms of dedication. To me, that extra effort should be recognized. It certianly shows in her performance. Now, I know that she not some superstar thats head and shoulders above the rest of the team. In fact, she has to work twice as hard just to get where she's at and she's doing it. She's preforming and putting up the numbers that any coach who knows softball should recognize. This is not as much about playing time as much as it is her desire to be the best pitcher she can be. When compared to the other pitchers there is no question who preforms better and to me numbers don't lie! The 10 strikeout game was at a tournament and the next time we faced that team in leauge one of the our other pitchers pitched and got shelled. She did not face the weaker line up. Listen to this and tell me it's not playing favorites! The other pitcher has mini tanturms and fits on the mound and when she comes off the field she throws her glove and bitches about the other players making errors behind her and the coach tells her to verbally blaze the other girls in the dug out for not supporting and then the coach make the other girls pamper her by holding ice on her shoulder. If my DD did this I would pull her from the game. Hell, she knows better. Her DAD and the coach are good friends. He coached the junior team ( 8th grade team ) last year and knew almost nothing about softball. I help him out and he was always asking me what to do. Now that our DD's are competing for the starting JV pitching spot he won't even talk to me. There's also the girl who always gets to start at 1st! She leads the team in strike outs. Strikes out 80% of the time. She so big and slow that during bunting situations she instructed to just stay on first base because she can't move. I've never seen a coach taylor their defense around a player because of thier physcal limitations. There's another girl on the team that hits way better and can run circles around her but the big girl gets to start because her DAD is friends with the coach and he keeps the scoring book diring the games. No, no favorites here! Look, I have told my DD just keep her mouth shut and go out there and do your best. She never complains she just keeps working hard and she know this will pay off in the long run. I have to give her credit for how she has handled this season. It's just this one time that she busted her rear and threw and good game and got nothing! Come on! Anyone who knows anything about ball would have felt the same. She is not a whiner! Put your self in her shoes after all the work that has been put in! She told me she will continue to work hard and improve and you won't hear a pep out of her. She said my perfromance will do the talking. I hear what your saying about stepping back and letting the coaches do their jobs and run things the way they want. I've seen the way things are and let me just say, just because they are in charge of softball dosen't mean they know softball. I have never complained to the coaches before, this is the first time, it's has not been a regular thing. I know better. Your not dealing with some over bearing father who dosen't know shirt about softball. I have wanted to, but I have said nothing until this incident because it was wrong! I know coaches have their favorites and that's part of ball. I can except that, but when a coach at the HS level dosen't know one of their pitchers just struck out 10 batter and accounted for 13 of the 21 outs in a game and then denies that it happened until she looks at the book, please! I know what your thinking, that he just dosen't get it, but I do get. I've been around ball long enough to know. So I wasen't going to there but let me add a twist. My DD is one of only two hispanics on the team and both girls have had to take a back seat to players that have preformed worse. She tells me that the coach dosen't even know her name! She always calls her by some name other than her own! DD just lets it go and keeps on working and dosen't complain. SHE NOT A WHINER! The only one she's ever said a word to is me and I have managed to keep quite until now. I never adderssed the favoritism, playing time, lack of the quality of coaching or not knowing her name. I thought I did quite well considering! Sometimes it's appropriate to stand up and be heard if your standing up for the right things. Don't try and tell me someting is not going on here! It's been this way here for a long time and it will always be this way! So we will just have to deal with it. We will keep our heads up and continue to work at being the best. Once again thanks for all your advise. I already know this will be my last post. I'll just come to this site for information and not to give my opinion.

 

[Sftballdad1]

Discuss it with the athletic director at the school.

 

[BaldNBeautiful]

We will keep our heads up and continue to work at being the best. Once again thanks for all your advise. I already know this will be my last post. I'll just come to this site for information and not to give my opinion.

No need to stop posting.....I love the fact that we can all (whether fan, parent, coach, ump, player,or combination) can get on here and vent.Heck, I would venture that half of my posts have some bitching and moaning in them. As a coach (MS) I have to really be careful who I vent to, not just because of my team, but also since my DD2 plays on our HS team.

I think with the OP, most people are saying that confronting the coaches seldom does any good and it negates the child's chance to take some control in their lives.

 

[Easton33]

Discuss it with the athletic director at the school.

And watch the wagons circle... " we feel lucky to have coach so and so, we think she is an asset blah blah blah" . I want to puke! I am lucky because I send my kids to an Independent school that only goes to the eighth grade, after that they get transfer to whatever high school they want. Hopefully there will be none of those issues.