Friends Influence Not Always Good

[99&beyond]

My DD has 2 best friends.
1) she has been bff's with since 3rd grade. This girl is not into sports, but is very musically gifted. The girls are in orchestra together. And her bff will come to watch DD play, but I KNOW she really doesn't understand the game, but she is there for support. This bff keeps her grounded and helps her express her soft, creative side.

2) she met playing softball. They hated each other the 1st season they played together. The second season sealed the bond (also happened to be when I became good friends with the mom). They no longer play on the same TB team, but they do play school ball together and this one is also in orchestra (for now).

Other than that, most of my DD's friends are guys. All of her friends know softball comes first!!

 

[Husky]

For us, there are plenty of problem influences among her team mates as well as her other circles. The thing I've grasped onto is to keep her busy! If not softball, anything. I agree that kids can be over scheduled, but being underscheduled is just as dangerous IMHO. I try not to criticize her friends, but talk to her about the behaviors we don't like... though this charade is wearing thin with DD. Sigh, what happens to those little girls?

 

[pitchmom]

The last couple of years, my daughter had two friends that I could see heading down a bad road. They were both from broken homes and the parents were pretty much drunks and let them girls do whatever they wanted. I knew I couldn't force my dd to stay away from them, but I did tell her that there would come a day that they would part. I just sat back and waited for it to happen naturally.

She asked me one time how I knew that they would not be friends forever and I told her that every kid comes to a point in life that they have to pick a path to trave. I told her that me and her dad would be there to guide her on the right path...but sadly, these girls had no one to guide them.

The day did come...they are no longer friends. Unfortunately, these girls went down the path I knew they would go. They do things that my dd just doesn;t do. I'm not saying she's perfect, but I know she's a good girl and I truely believe that being so involved in softball helped keep her out of trouble

 

[02Crush]

I think sports allows young men and women to channel themselves and focus on a task or goal. My DD is on a team where one of the girls is already boy crazy and likes to stay up all night when over. There are negative influences everywhere...even on the team. All you can do is show your kid you care, teach her what the family views as right vs. wrong according to you and your wife standards (and that others may be different than ours), try hard not to over react to things that happen on a small level so when a bigger thing happens maybe they will be open with you about that since you were reasonable on the little stuff. Answer the questions with "Why" is involved. And the answer needs to be more than, "because I said so!" At some point we raised them and must trust them. This scares me to death but it is a reality I and all of us must face. Bad influences are everywhere these days. I think it is up to us to prepare them to deal with the bad influences not avoid them. Avoiding them will lead to living life in a bubble.
my 2 cents....

 

[absdad]

This an interesting attitude...so, we have bunch of student athletes selling drugs at TCU, we have a kid on a lacrosse team that may have murdered his girl friend and there seems to be no shortage of wife beaters in sports...but, you would prefer to have your DD have friends who are interested in sports?

Sure we can google looking for bad apples involved in sports, but we all know a few in our kid's school. Statistics prove that kids who are NOT involved in their school, sports, etc, have a much higher rates of sex, drugs, drinking, etc, etc.

I'm not much of a gamble, I'll go with the odds.

 

[mcastles]

Interesting topic. My DD is 14 and in middle school. She is highly affected by those around her, especially the so called popular ones, which tend to be the most vindictive (which is what makes them popular, go figure).

Anyway, I have found that for her, focusing on something tangible, whether it is a sport, music, art, etc is an absolute must. Her best friend is a very gifted artist, and cares nothing about sports. But they highly support each other

We all love SB, but in the end it is the success of our DDs that count. Softball is something we can do together, she runs track in the fall (can't help much with that). For me, it is most important at this stage in her life to stay positive and work hard towards her goals. She will never be a superstar softball player and that is OK, but rather use softball, or whatever is of true interest to her, to build relationships and character, that's what it's all about. There are bad apples everywhere, so our DDs have to learn how to deal with that, and now is the time. Early teen girls have very fragile egos and are easily swayed. I feel like my part is to stay involved with her and try to provide as much guidance as possible, so that when I am no longer in the picture and she has moved on to other things, she will have built character and the strength to be her on person.

Just as an aside, my DD was fortunate enough to attend an all day clinic put on by Jessica Mendoza. It was a fantastic experience for her to hear how one of the game's all time greats had all the same problems and issues they are experiencing. She talked about the importance of being an overall responsible person, including school work, respect for others (even their parents), setting goals, working hard, good life choices, physical fitness, etc. This was my first time being around her, I can say she was totally involved with the girls, very approachable, spent 2 hours at the end of the day signing autographs and taking pictures with anyone that wanted one. And can she ever hit a softball..... Overall very impressed and she made a hugh impression on my daughter.