Finding Balance

[parttimecatcher]

Just curious to hear how all of you find that balance between softball, school and letting DD be a kid.

Heres my struggle in a nutshell, 12 YO DD has been playing travel ball for the last 3 years, she is a phenomenal student (straight As) and very good violinist, not the most athletic kid on the field but really enjoys the game. About 18 months ago she decided she wanted to be a pitcher. So of course being the crazy dad I am, I got her started with a PC. She attends lessons 1/week and we find time to practice pitching when we can. Over the last 18 months she has really improved and I think she could be pretty good at it. She is currently the #2 P on her team. She is pretty driven in everything she does which means she pushed to get into the 8th grade Algebra class as a 7th grader, she plays in 3 different school orchestras, and is a member of the girl scouts. Obviously the academics are first and foremost then its a toss up between everything Ive listed and being a 12 YO girl with friends and other social events she enjoys. I can see she could be a good pitcher but as I read on hear all the time it sounds like if you want to hit or pitch at a high level its 3-5 practices outside of team practices each week.

So just curious to hear how you guys/gals balance this all out and not drive your spouse or other children crazy.

Also do you get crazy looks from relatives when you tell them what your schedule is each week especially during the summer tourney season.

Thanks for your feedback

PTC

 

[Amy in AZ.]

It just doesn't matter to me what the relatives think. You only live once. I always made one exception to missing my kids' games and that was funerals. Graduations, weddings, birthdays - I send a nice card.

My studious son let baseball slide and sat the bench his senior year. He also gave up band. His main goal was math competition and grades. But, he was almost an adult, so it was his choice.

I would support your DD as much as $$ and time allows. Are you fitting in church? We had to let that slide during the summer. (3 kids)

 

[sluggers]

You know the answer to this question already--your DD is a great musician. She is a "so-so" softball player.

This is some tough love: If your kid isn't #1 now, she isn't going to suddenly become a #1 pitcher in two or three years unless she gives up music. And, she isn't going to do that.

Get her some lessons, let her have some fun playing softball. She'll probably quit in two years. But, that is OK.

It sounds like your school district offers multiple levels of orchestra/band (roughly A, B, and C) for its students. The time commitment increases in HS for orchestra.

For those who aren't familiar with schools with multiple bands/orchestras, a student in the "A" band/orchestra is expected to (1) take private lessons (2) attend practice sessions devoted strictly to her section, and (3) attend practices for *each* orchestra group she belongs to. It is not uncommon for excellent musicians to be in two or more orchestras in HS.) So, your DD's entire "free time" in HS is already booked.

(My DD#1 and DD#3 were athletes. DD#2 played the tuba and was in multiple school bands. She did play water polo in HS, but more or less set the bench. She was happy with her choices. The funny thing: A Big 10 school was begging her to play in their marching band. Go figure.)

 

[Coach Fastpitch]

Balance is really hard to make happen. Mine is a really good catcher, hitter and cellist. She is a sraight A 12 year old. She sacrifices a lot. She has to tell her friends no, I have practice or homework to the point that she doesn't get asked as much anymore. The key so far, is that these are her choices. I or my wife ask her periodically, "you don't have to do this, you committed to the team through World Series or in the fall through fall state, you can quit after that or go play c or rec". We ask the same with her cello as there are times she can separate from her quartet and orchestra. So far she gets a lot of positive feedback from her cello and softball and school for that matter and I think that keeps her excited about all three.

The other thing is she has an older sibling that gave up travel softball to focus on her violin. She still plays high school, but that is it as far as softball goes. My middle one sees how hard the older daughter works to be TRUELY great at something, and that stokes her fire even more. But it was my older daughters decision to give up travel softball. If she came to me at the end of her orchestra season and said, "dad, I am giving up the violin because it is no fun anymore", I have to support that.

To be good or even great, the kid has to set some of the boundaries. If they TRUELY want it they will make the right choices. Someone on here carries a Larry Bird quote on practice to the affect of he would practice for hours all his life and the drive to do it was, in the back of his mind, no one could practice more than him, and he still wonders to this day if there was someone practicing more. Do you think Larry Bird missed a few sleep over invitations, or had his dad standing over him dictating his practice time? I would say Larry controlled both those decisions. I can't mandate practice or participation, or else it is not her responsibility or desire anymore, it is mine. I can remind her what the ramifications are of her decisions, but in the end they are her decisions.

But at the end, we as a family, make sure the girls, we have 3, all know when there is time on the schedule to hang out with friends, practice, study, church or just veg out. We make sure this time is available every week, even if it is just hanging out after school for an hour. And my wife and I make sure time is set aside for all of those things every week. We have too, or our kids will be one dimensional adults.

And yes, the first year or so with travel ball people look at you like you are crazy when you tell them your schedule.

Not sure if this helps, but it definitely helped me. It is something my wife and I worry about constantly.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

All I know is what was printed about Larry Bird, but it implies that he did all of that, at the expense of his children. That is never good.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

This question will get you all kinds of answers from "drive your kid in everything as hard as you can and do and pay for everything supporting that",... all the way to,... "let a kid be a kid and they need to find themselves and socialize with lots of friends and stare into the sky etc..."

To me there is no one standard answer to this age ole question. It depends on your INDIVIDUAL DD.

I would offer that you sit back and assess your DD's true desires AND her "unbiased" capabilities and work a plan around that. To heck with grandparents who don't know today's world or may have never understood enough to give their kid one of the greatest educations in life = dedication to high-end sports. (not saying I am smarter than my parents - my DD has given me this high-end sports exposure opportunity so I can NOW see just how beneficial it can be to a youth)

As for balance well this is a grey area too. I have three kids and my youngest DD is the one that has decided to "go for it" with acedemic & athletic performance to try and get herself an opportunity at a school of her choice (versus the one I can afford). The other two kids COULD get pissy with me and complain about the money & time I put into my youngest DD. (and they have to a degree). But I tell my other two the following:
1. If you would have chosen something,...anything,..that you were to truly dedicate yourself to,...your mother and I would have found a way to spread our time & limited money your direction too.
2. But you chose to not do things that require time & money investments. That was your choice. (actually this was just my one kid who is floundering with his meaning in life - meaning he does not want to work for anything.... My other child finally tested the waters on this principle of mine and he did get his piece of the time & money when he finally dedicated himself.)

On top of all this you have to be realistic. A youth will think they are super-human and can do any amount of personal investment. You as the parent need to define these limits and try and keep the many times over-achieving youth from burning out. If anyone can figure this out into a predictable formula,.. write a book,... you will make millions....

In my DD's case her limit at this time of the year is getting "A's" in HS while being part of an A-Level TB team while being a pitcher. I couldn't imagine her being in club VB or still being in Basketball like she was when younger. (those things were detracting from her pitching at the wrong time of the year. But I didn't realize this until later....). BUT remember this is for a DD who wants to shoot for a D1 pitching spot (pitching 5 days a week).

Hope this rambling gives some sort of insight. Just like everything in life - at the end of DD's hopeful college career I will finally know enough to do it right for the next time.... ;-)

 

[parttimecatcher]

Amy, Sluggers, Coach and RB, thank you for your perspective I truly appreciate it. It wears on me and DW more than on DD at least she doesn't show it. Its tough because I can see her being great at whatever she chooses just have to keep in mind it needs to be her choice no matter which way I lean. I know the older she gets the greater demands any or each of her loves will put on her. I guess I just need to be supportive and not stand in the way of what she dreams of. If or more likely when the time comes where she cant fit it all in at the level she enjoys she will let us know.

Thank You
PTC

 

[CoogansBluff]

All I know is what was printed about Larry Bird, but it implies that he did all of that, at the expense of his children. That is never good.

Good one, Amy. You read my mind. ...

What our children achieve is not as important as who they become.

 

[stickpile39]

great post parttime! I have two DD's 11 and 9 with the oldest having her first year in middle school. She has hit high honors for the first two terms, and she gets a fair amount of homework. She is on a softball tournament team (3-4 times a week), does theater (sometimes big roles) and plays soccer weekly. There is hardly a down moment, but this is a good thing in my eyes. We are not forcing her to do any of the above, only encouraging both with time spent together working and with $$ invested in everything. Sadly, my oldest was getting very good at piano, and well that was the one she decided to let go, much to my dismay. Little DD is also active in softball getting ready for the move up to 10U and also does the soccer and theater. She is attempting violin, but it is in its beginning phase.

Balance is difficult. As long as academics comes first, and they apply themselves to their activities we are happy. Eventually something else will slip to the side for both girls. Whether it be soccer, softball or theater remains to be seen. Overall, I consider busy to be preferable with less time for TV, Ipad, texting, etc.

Best,
Stick

 

[Amy in AZ.]

The home work gripes me. I remember my honors type son having 3-4 hours a night. I wouldn't have minded if I thought that it was archiving something, but it was busy work. (and yes, I was a teacher. 2nd grade immanuel Lutheran)