DD wants to quit softball

[RobertsB]

DD is very disappointed (and so am I) with the competitive softball scene here in the NE. There are only a handful of very good organizations, and she made every one of them. The first one she made ended up dissolving the team within 2 weeks of tryout (I mentioned this previously here). She ended up making 2 other top organizations- one a 14U national team, the other a mix 2025/26 team. She picked the 14U national team thinking it would be more competitive. Yet, that team ended up with only 5 girls born in 2007, rest born in 2008 and 2009. (Yes, half of the team played up from 12U and couldn't handle 60 MPH pitches.) Needless to say, the fall season was a disaster, where we spent $1000 on uniform and several more thousands $ in travel just to watch them lose every single game. This was a 14U national team and should have mostly 2nd-year 14U players. Instead, it had mostly 12U players playing up.

So she tried out for another 14U national team and got in. But she now hates it. Coach promised to move them around but in reality doesn't. She never got to play the positions she wants, and never got the chance to even prove that she can do it. There was rarely any practices in the winter season, definitely none in the spring, so not sure how the coach decides she can't play those positions. The team had been together since the fall, and she felt not being included as she is the newest member. She said no more softball after this season. This is from a kid who used to want to play in college.

I am sad she feels this way. She is a very good athlete and has other sports she can focus on. Yet, softball has been her life since she was 5! On the other hand, I am happy to not have to worry about parent coaches who favor one person over the other. Last week she finally got put into a position she wanted, only to make an error since she hadn't played in that position since the fall and was taken out immediately. No chance for her to adjust. I think I am done with softball also. Maybe she can join her high school's crew team instead (wishful thinking.) We are encouraging her to participate in individual sports like golf, tennis, or diving, where personal performance counts more than coach's favoritism or bias.

Anyone else's DD thinking about quitting softball also?

 

[Strike2]

Lots of players quit around that age for all sorts of reasons. DD had her own rough patch with teams as a 12-13yo before finding one that she stayed with through 18U. Quitting never entered the conversation. I'll say that some of what you outlined, particularly with the first "national" team that couldn't win a game, was predictable.

You never mentioned what positions your DD plays, but if she really wants to play particular position, be very careful about signing onto a team where the coach's kid plays that same position. Even with non-parent coaching, I guarantee you'll find biases that need to be overcome. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time for a new player on an established team to gain some traction. Working hard and showing you can play goes a long way towards doing that. Regardless, you're unlikely to find the perfect situation in every respect. There will likely be negatives you have to put up with to get the good parts.

Sports generally, and softball is no different, tends to reward those who keep showing up. I lost count of how many DD outworked and outlasted. Frankly, there is little reason as a 13yo to travel all over NE to play unless you live in rural location that doesn't have softball. If you can find a regular team that plays local tournaments without the pretentiousness that comes with a "national" label AND needs players at the positions your DD plays, you'll spend less money and have a better time.

 

[radness]

DD is very disappointed (and so am I) with the competitive softball scene here in the NE. There are only a handful of very good organizations, and she made every one of them. The first one she made ended up dissolving the team within 2 weeks of tryout (I mentioned this previously here). She ended up making 2 other top organizations- one a 14U national team, the other a mix 2025/26 team. She picked the 14U national team thinking it would be more competitive. Yet, that team ended up with only 5 girls born in 2007, rest born in 2008 and 2009. (Yes, half of the team played up from 12U and couldn't handle 60 MPH pitches.) Needless to say, the fall season was a disaster, where we spent $1000 on uniform and several more thousands $ in travel just to watch them lose every single game. This was a 14U national team and should have mostly 2nd-year 14U players. Instead, it had mostly 12U players playing up.

So she tried out for another 14U national team and got in. But she now hates it. Coach promised to move them around but in reality doesn't. She never got to play the positions she wants, and never got the chance to even prove that she can do it. There was rarely any practices in the winter season, definitely none in the spring, so not sure how the coach decides she can't play those positions. The team had been together since the fall, and she felt not being included as she is the newest member. She said no more softball after this season. This is from a kid who used to want to play in college.

I am sad she feels this way. She is a very good athlete and has other sports she can focus on. Yet, softball has been her life since she was 5! On the other hand, I am happy to not have to worry about parent coaches who favor one person over the other. Last week she finally got put into a position she wanted, only to make an error since she hadn't played in that position since the fall and was taken out immediately. No chance for her to adjust. I think I am done with softball also. Maybe she can join her high school's crew team instead (wishful thinking.) We are encouraging her to participate in individual sports like golf, tennis, or diving, where personal performance counts more than coach's favoritism or bias.

Anyone else's DD thinking about quitting softball also?

Ask her what her perfect softball world would be and see if that is even possible. Reality is tolerance and flexibility are also part of sports.
( what she wants it to be and what it can be might be too distant apart)

Sorry not to be callous and blunt it's just they're probably a lot going on that is part of frustration and venting in your post and then there is how to try and find solution.

 

[Dabears17]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Taking breaks is good. In the olden days, kids only played a sport typically three months a year, five months max if they made the All-Star team.

My DD quit softball for over two months after 1st year 12's. She wound up playing in a semi-competitive volleyball league for fun as a break. A coach she respected started asking her to play for him about two weeks until she "quit". Finally, I think to shut him up, she agreed to go to one practice the end of September. She agreed to guest play for him that fall and wound up playing for him from Oct 1st 2017 to August 1st 2019. Team broke up after 1st year 14's because coach wanted his DD to be coached by other people.

She wasn't sure after 1st year 14u if she wanted to play, so she took a break for fall of 2019. Because of Covid and injuries she did not play a game from the last week of July 2019 to the first week of September 2020. She enjoys the game and is a decent player, but wants it to be 100pct for fun, even though she hates losing.

 

[Dabears17]

Sports generally, and softball is no different, tends to reward those who keep showing up. I lost count of how many DD outworked and outlasted. Frankly, there is little reason as a 13yo to travel all over NE to play unless you live in rural location that doesn't have softball. If you can find a regular team that plays local tournaments without the pretentiousness that comes with a "national" label AND needs players at the positions your DD plays, you'll spend less money and have a better time.

Agree 500pct with this. Catcher on DD's HS team will be playing at Amherst this fall. Played on what I call an "A-" team that played most of their tournaments within an hour of home, only did one tournament a summer which required a hotel stay, never played out of state. Last summer instead of going to a weeklong end of summer tournament, went to Headfirst Honor Roll Camp as a team. At least three players on that team will be playing in college, and 1/3rd of the team are 2023s.

I know two catchers who played on D3 teams. Both were extremely hard workers. I've known them since they were 9. One wasn't any good until she was 13. The other wasn't any good until she was 15. Both worked extremely hard in practice and loved the game. The former will be an MD shortly.

edit: 1st one was good as a 13yo, not 14yo. Was also a catcher at Amherst.

 

[murphdog]

Stepping away from the big name organization to a much smaller but very well respected organization was the best thing we ever did with DD.
The first year she played with them they got crappy game times and locations at the local big name showcases but that changed after her first season when they proved themselves. Playing for a coach who genuinely wanted every player to succeed was key.
I’m in the Boston area and we did travel about an hour for practice but it was so worth it in the end.

 

[KrisHur]

DD plays first base primarily and joined a new team with 2 girls already playing first. DD was never taught a second position and is learning R/L Field this year. At first she wasn't thrilled but sees the value in knowing a second position and coach promised to give her a few innings at first to keep her skills sharp. This is is the "recruiting year" for one of the girls and next year is DD's so he will give her more time at first next year.

Maybe your DD finds herself in a similar situation?

 

[Dabears17]

Definitely be willing to play multiple positions. My DD has to prove on her team this summer that she deserves to be a starter. She is a lefty utility player whose bat says she should be in the line-up and can play 7 of 8 positions defensively. She can even pitch in a pinch. She may not have a set position for the first two tournaments, but she will be getting playing time.

 

[Greatdaytobeawildcat]

DD is very disappointed (and so am I) with the competitive softball scene here in the NE. There are only a handful of very good organizations,

Sorry that she's having a bad experience.

"here in the NE. There are only a handful of very good organizations" You may need to adjust your perception of 1) what the "NE" is, or 2) what a very good organization is.

Considering of the ones you thought were "very good organizations", one folded, one couldn't field a full 14u team, and one had subpar coaching and no practices.

From our experience in CT/NY/MA/RI there are dozens (or more) of really good 14u teams out there playing really good softball. I think you're in PA, but unless you're in the deep woods I gotta think there are tons of teams that she can play and have fun on, you just have to keep your eyes and heart open. The "known name" on the org doesn't necessarily make it a "very good organization".

 

[tim_s]

ah, NE = northeast......i was thinking new england haha