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DD wants the awards, but doesn’t want to work

Aug 17, 2019
43
8
Having trouble with DD#1. Conference awards were announced and she didn’t receive any. She automatically launches into “I’m better than so and so,” or “She sucks.” You get the idea. She did not learn that from me. She is a decent player. It was a toss up for any awards as a freshman, who isn’t at a key position that receives lots of action like a P/C/SS. I admittedly got frustrated with her during her rant and told her she needed to put in more practice time and that those girls deserved the awards. She didn’t want to hear any of that.

How do I handle this situation better? I’m such a black and white person, and just call it as I see it. She just won’t work at home. Very resistant to instruction . That’s fine. But, how do we as parents correct this bad attitude towards other athletes or even teammates? I can’t make her want to practice. Should I push her to practice extra? The attitude. Ugh. How do I deal with this?
 
Apr 16, 2013
874
43
I think you have already done what you can. You pointed out the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts. She's either going to wake up and start putting in work or she won't. I think all you can do from this point on is to offer to go work with her fairly often. After that, it's on her.
 
May 29, 2015
906
93
One of the things that I tried to teach my kids was that you play the game because you like it. You play the game for the game, not the awards.

Awards aren’t fair, and neither is life. You may be right, you may be better than another girl. But sometimes you have to work harder than somebody who has “the right” name or more money to spend to be seen at the right camp. You can’t control how others perceive that other girl, but you can control how they perceive you. Stay a little later at practice, arrive a little earlier, give up a weekend to attend a camp ... but most importantly show who you are on the field.
 

Cannonball

Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
3,923
63
You address it by saying that ship has sailed this year. Then, you tell her that if she really wants those awards, remember the hurt and get so good that she can not be denied next year. All conference picks are so tricky. Often, coaches get together and make deals to get certain players awards. I hated that and when I coached baseball, I called a couple of coaches out in our all conference meeting. In softball, it was much the same. Therefore, you might ask yourself what role your HS coach has in this. Did they make deals to get certain players awards by sacrificing others who had outstanding seasons. Finally, there are times coaches vote for players in conference that were only outstanding in conference. I went to the all conference meetings with two sets of stats. I had the stats of my players overall and in conference so that I could accurately represent my players regardless of what was thrown out there.

As an FYI, attitude does matter and I have seen several coaches in all conference meetings mention to the other coaches that they have to nominate a player due to stats but that they would ask all of the coaches to not vote for that player.

If the awards your dd is upset about are things like all area, then I would ask if your HC is on the committee. I made sure that I got on that committee for the local newspapers. One is in St. Louis and one is local. You'd be amazed the "power" that creates in area ball. Coaches were constantly trying to get my vote for their players and asking me to promote their players at these meetings.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,827
48
It sounds like your DD has the Big Fish, Small Pond mentality. You need to tell her being a "Practice Player" and not working on her own is not the way to improve as a player.

There is a line in the TV series Rome that always comes to mind is cases like this. Young Caesar is being taught how to sword fight by one of his army body guards. During the scene Young Caesar realizes he is an average swordsman at best. It's at this point in the discussion he tells his body guard "The graveyard is full of middling swordsmen." So unless your DD works hard to reach her full potential she'll always be a "Middling swordsmen."
 
Aug 17, 2019
43
8
You address it by saying that ship has sailed this year. Then, you tell her that if she really wants those awards, remember the hurt and get so good that she can not be denied next year. All conference picks are so tricky. Often, coaches get together and make deals to get certain players awards. I hated that and when I coached baseball, I called a couple of coaches out in our all conference meeting. In softball, it was much the same. Therefore, you might ask yourself what role your HS coach has in this. Did they make deals to get certain players awards by sacrificing others who had outstanding seasons. Finally, there are times coaches vote for players in conference that were only outstanding in conference. I went to the all conference meetings with two sets of stats. I had the stats of my players overall and in conference so that I could accurately represent my players regardless of what was thrown out there.

As an FYI, attitude does matter and I have seen several coaches in all conference meetings mention to the other coaches that they have to nominate a player due to stats but that they would ask all of the coaches to not vote for that player.

If the awards your dd is upset about are things like all area, then I would ask if your HC is on the committee. I made sure that I got on that committee for the local newspapers. One is in St. Louis and one is local. You'd be amazed the "power" that creates in area ball. Coaches were constantly trying to get my vote for their players and asking me to promote their players at these meetings.
Totally agree here. The coaches play politics for sure. DD attitude does need adjusting, so I won’t be too critical of the coach or conference in this circumstance.
 
Aug 17, 2019
43
8
It sounds like your DD has the Big Fish, Small Pond mentality. You need to tell her being a "Practice Player" and not working on her own is not the way to improve as a player.

There is a line in the TV series Rome that always comes to mind is cases like this. Young Caesar is being taught how to sword fight by one of his army body guards. During the scene Young Caesar realizes he is an average swordsman at best. It's at this point in the discussion he tells his body guard "The graveyard is full of middling swordsmen." So unless your DD works hard to reach her full potential she'll always be a "Middling swordsmen."
Yes! Good comparison!
 
Aug 17, 2019
43
8
One of the things that I tried to teach my kids was that you play the game because you like it. You play the game for the game, not the awards.

Awards aren’t fair, and neither is life. You may be right, you may be better than another girl. But sometimes you have to work harder than somebody who has “the right” name or more money to spend to be seen at the right camp. You can’t control how others perceive that other girl, but you can control how they perceive you. Stay a little later at practice, arrive a little earlier, give up a weekend to attend a camp ... but most importantly show who you are on the field.
Agreed. Coach’s DD x 2 made the team. One was outstanding, without question. The other is a toss up with my DD. (I did not let on to this with my DD.) Again, my DD needs a better attitude and learn to be a good teammate. Things like this hurt feelings, of course. Like you said, that’s life.
 
Aug 17, 2019
43
8
I think you have already done what you can. You pointed out the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts. She's either going to wake up and start putting in work or she won't. I think all you can do from this point on is to offer to go work with her fairly often. After that, it's on her.
Good advice. I’m still trying to learn “let them own it” regarding work and time put in.
 
May 24, 2013
10,289
113
So Cal
I'm inclined to go to the same place I go to with parents of younger players who complain about playing time for their kid who is "just as good" as another player who got (perceived) preferential treatment...

Be better. Be undeniably better. Be so good they cant ignore you. If you're not now, get to work until you are.
 

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