Daddy Ball!!!

[canyonjoe]

@Doug, I think we've all done it. This fall DD hit a ball in the gap that just kept rolling. Throw came to the plate and she barely made it home and didn't slide. She was safe, but first thing I said was you should have slid. She was upset and I turned her first TB HR into a situation where she was upset. I told her 20 times that night how it was a great hit, but the damage was done. The bad think is I'm not even her coach.

For the Dad coaches out there which I used to be one, I want to say thanks to all of you for the time and effort you put in. I know you sometimes hear negative things from parents, but at least the teams I have been on, you don't always hear the positives which are 10-1 in your favor.

 

[Caldad]

Just a parent not a coach. I guess we've been lucky so far and had a pretty positive experience overall so haven't dealt with serious daddy ball yet.

There wouldn't be any softball without coach dads/moms. All the time and effort the coaches put into the team is for the benefit of all the girls on the team not just the coaches DD. And so what if the coaches DD gets a little bit of a special treatment. IMHO rightly so, they deserve it for all the time they put in. Without them stepping up, there would not be a softball team for my DD to play on. So from this softball dad, a huge thank you and all the other volunteer coaches out there willing to put in the time and effort to allow my DDs to play softball.

@fastpitch26 - Just because you asked the question, tells me you are the type of coach I would like my DD to play for. Just being aware of it and seeking advise says a lot. You can't make everybody happy all you can do is the best you can. Good luck to you & your DD.

 

[GatorGirl]

@Doug, don't be so hard on yourself. She could have made it had the catcher dropped the ball or the thrower made a bad throw. Could have gone either way. She made a judgement call and so did you by getting on to her. Forgive each other and move on. Its all you can do.

 

[CoogansBluff]

And so what if the coaches DD gets a little bit of a special treatment. IMHO rightly so, they deserve it for all the time they put in. .

I have always been grateful for dads who step up and coach, and even if their dd gets a bit of special treatment, then I think that is a perk to all the time they put into this game.

I liked both of your posts, but naturally I will highlight the one thing with which I disagree.

A head coach can do whatever he/she wants – provided that the game plan is communicated openly at the start. ‘’My daughter will be one of the primary pitchers and get lots of innings or else I’m not doing this.’’ Good friend of mine coaches a team in which his daughter is clearly the worst player, and there will be better players every year at tryouts. But that’s fine if it’s spelled up at the start. Then parents can choose.

However, special treatment and perks that are not openly acknowledged by the coaches is daddy ball, and it's unethical, IMO.

 

[BB875]

If parent coaches just admitted that they will favor their daughter when it comes down to it, things would go much better. Your daughter is never going to get cut, does not have to worry about tryouts, and will always have the ear of the coach (and ear of the spouse of the coach). Her schedule (basketball, volleyball, etc.) will certainly will be considered by you as the parent when scheduling is done. So professing "I don't favor my kid" and "my kid is not my kid on the field" is hollow. Just be honest with the others.

The other issue is the drama where the parent yells at the kid extra and the kid rebels or sulks and so on. That is more damaging than the daddy ball. In that case, you should have an assistant on look out who can pull you off the spinning wheel.

The things such as never getting cut, always making the team, schedule preference is inherent with being the coach. Its not favoritism. If the team I coach is compromised by my DD not getting cut, then players will leave. The only favoritism I see is that I make the decisions. With that perk comes the following:
I get to go to coaching clinics in the "off season"
I get to spend my own money on team items and my own training.
I get to be the first one to practice and the last one to leave.
I get to develop practices & try to cover everything in the limited time we have.
I get to make the line-up card and defensive rotation between games while the other parents relax.
I get to find/schedule tournaments while balancing schedules and conflicts of 11-12 families.
I get to find last minute pick-up players so we can field a team in a tourney 200 miles away.
I get to deal with uniform order mistakes and equipment problems.
I get to be the one that takes responsibility when we perform poorly and figure out how to "fix-it"


A coach is not a parent. A coach is where the buck stops good or bad. So with all of that, yeah I'm not going to ever cut my DD, my bad. Don't tell me my words are hollow. My DDs earn their spots through hard work and some God given talent.

 

[Caldad]

A head coach can do whatever he/she wants – provided that the game plan is communicated openly at the start.

However, special treatment and perks that are not openly acknowledged by the coaches is daddy ball, and it's unethical, IMO.

@Coogansbluff - I agree with your open communications part, I guess my definition of daddy ball is a bit different. I guess we've just be very lucky so far and not have to deal with anything major from the coaches. Other parents, whole different story. =)

 

[02Crush]

Here is my advice...
Allow her to earn whatever position she has. People will say don't be harder on her.. I disagree. As stated by someone in this thread, she does not have to tryout therefore she should have to work harder to earn it. One day she will need to be as good or better than others when trying out for another coach. She won't get there if under your coaching she is not pushed to be better.

SIDE NOTE** In three years of TB, my DD has played, 2nd, RF, LF, 3rd and now is working her way in as a catcher. I do not care where she plays so long as she give her team 100% effort. She has succeeded in some of these roles and failed in others. She has batted at the top, in the middle and AT THE BOTTOM of the order based on her results at the plate. She has become a good hitter who has smart at bats because of this. She knows when she doing well and when she is not. This is because she has not been given training wheels by me as her dad/coach. This is because she has earned it and she knows when she has because it was hard work. A good life lesson for her that hard work can pay off.

Treat her (whether positive or negative consequences) in practices the same as all of her teammates. This is the key. My DD does not get upset with me (with herself sure) as long as I respect this rule. If I step out of line here...I hear it plenty loudly and I deserve to. She is a person and deserves the same respect I provide all the athletes on the team.

Separate when you are COACH and when you are DAD. She needs both. I learned this about 16 months ago and our relationship if 10x better then before. When we are at practice or games I am coach. When are in the car, at home or elsewhere. I am Dad. I am working to be better at offering support and find time to work with her the other Dads do in a one on one environment. This is the time [Dad time] that I would never replace. She is becoming so much better in the past year. I think it is because of the DAD time because it is focused on her.

Create a rule, She is to address you as Coach at all practices and games. You are to address her as as any other player. Explain to her why this is important.

I am sure there are other perspectives or advice. This is what I have encountered from age 8-12. I want her to be good so if she decides to play at a higher level (HS or College) she is ready. However, I refuse to leverage my relationship with her over a sport. She will be my DD for 100% certainty the rest of her life. She has less than a 2% chance of playing college ball. Placed in perspective I feel these things matter.

 

[Perfect Circle]

The other poster was OILF... and it was also branded in my thinking too The having the spouses ear too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know about this... I had one of DD's Life long Friends, grandpa ask me to help his GDD with pitching. He was at a game that DD rocked. I tell DW, who is BBL with the grandpa....She looked @ me and said "you do & your outta here"... She really could care less about Softball, but she gets irate about color of uniforms & how they fit, decals, birthday parties...ect...ect...ect...... I couldn't believe it...@ the time. Not another word said though...& no helps given....

DD had the chance to be an AC for a rec. team last year.... She was going to help the HC do his Rev video stuff ???, bring them up to speed on GameChanger. Not even have to play, & was going to get a Coach T-Shirt. DW said !!!NO!!!!!!!... I said !Why! Turns out, the league was a feeder for one of DW's HS Rivals. DW played in the band, and she can't stand that other HS.... I'm not from around here... LOL I went down & interviewed for a job in Tenn last January 2013...Not She said (me, myself & I) can go though...

 

[00fpdaddy]

To all the masses, daddy ball is not when a coaches dd get more time than others because of relationship. Its when dadddy ball dds are given preferential treatment over teamates who are clearly better, give full effort at practice and being a good teamate. Daddyball dd making misplays(not errors) time after time yet wont get moved to another position.

Karma is a b...., when daddy ball dd is the goods, and the parents who want their lil sally to get a shot, (but dont put the time in between practices to warrant playing time) every one sees the "truth"

Seen this too many times to count at all levels since dd been playing since 6.

 

[Perfect Circle]

yep... I think i got that too... My emphasis was in carrying my application of the understanding of the underlying issues, brought up by previous poster. I'm not a crazy dad...thought I was, until I learned that you had to be a coach to be in that group... lol I have the same problem with establishing backyard practice... I guess the reason I have the same problem Daddy Ball coaches have is because of "Mommy Mall"