Dad of twin DDs, one is done....

[Dadof3]

I'm the Dad of twin DDs that play 10U and also play basketball. Both are extremely athletic. DD #1 probably more so than DD #2 but #2 will give you 100% every time she steps on the field or court. #1 just has more natural talent.

#1 told us at the beginning of the softball year she didn't want to play. The problem was we had already committed to the team earlier so it would have left them with only 10 girls. I explained to #1 that we already committed and that we need to honor that commitment. I also told her if she still felt this way after the year that she didn't have to play next year. I asked what was up. She said she would rather play basketball all year and there was too much pressure to perform in softball. I asked what she meant by that. She then tells me that last year after she struck out the HC told her she needs to hit the ball, that her and her sister carry that team. They depend on them to produce. I wish she would have told me this back then. I explained that the HC isn't going to be the HC this year so it will be better. Well, it really isn't. They still "carry" the team so to speak.

#1 caught last year and #2 played first. #1 told me, if she played this year, she does not want to catch. I told the new HC this and he said he'd play her anywhere she wants to play if that's what it takes to get her out there. So since #2 started pitching this year #1 is playing first. We are 5 or 6 games into the season with a tournament in there, too. Everything has been going great. #1 seems to be really enjoying herself. Becoming a vacuum at first, which is good because #2 was a rock there last year. Game before last #1 missed a low throw which would have been the third out in the last inning and gave us the win by 1. Instead a run scored and the next batter hits in what became the winning run. Last night the HC asked me if #1 would play third so he could put #2 on first since #2 wasn't pitching. I didn't think it was a good idea to shake up #1. He understood. So what happens the first inning? Dropped ball at first, 2 previously walked runners score. Next inning #1 is pulled and #2 goes to first. I can tell by the look on her face she felt like she let the world down.

We did come back to win the game after being down 7-1. Tied it up with them coming up to bat with 10 min left on the clock, we were home team. HC brought #2 into pitch. She struck out the side . But what made me happier was seeing #1 back on first. Didn't get any chances, but it was a great move on HC's part. He was telling her, without saying, he still has confidence in her. It didn't help.

On the drive home we're all talking about the exciting game and what a great comeback it was, blah.. blahh..blahh.. AND moving up to 12s next year. And I hear from the backseat. "I'm not playing next year". We told her to finish out the year and just have FUN.

The team they are with now has a 14U, 12U, and the 10U the girls are on now. I'm not going to make her play if she still feels that way after this season. But I am going to try to explain there is going to be so much less pressure because they are moving up to an already established 12U team that has older girls. It's gonna be tough watching her give up a sport that she could more than likely go far in.

If you've read this far any input would be appreciated. Sorry it's so long....

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Wow. Very nice story.

OK. Your DD has told you twice that she doesn't want to play. As long as she is active in something, great.

Being the age I am now and making many mistakes in parenting the last 20 years, I suggest that you never mention softball to her again. She is getting old enough to make her own decisions. My DD dropped basketball after her freshman year. She was leading scorer, etc. Did I miss seeing her play? Sure. But it wasn't my choice.

I look at it like this - my parents were professional musicians on stage and radio when I was born. I barely know 3 chords on the guitar. What if they had insisted I sing, or play the piano? I would have hated it and done even worse at it than I was. To their credit, they never discouraged me in what I truly wanted to do.

It sounds like your girls are wonderful.

 

[Cannonball]

We had this situation with a team my dd played on. One was better than the other. People kept comparing them. Neither sister liked that. They each had special gifts. Then, almost in line with your situation, the one who wanted to quit was told to play second base because we didn't have anyone to play there and she was our best option. Not only did she do it, she did it well and soon was our most valuable defensive player with no questions asked! I'd suggest that during that time, there were setbacks. Once this young lady missed an easy ball and was instantly down on herself. We pointed out that not only does she catch that ball most of the time but in the mean time, she's caught 5 or 6 balls that no second baseman catches.

If I might, the "I'm not going to play next year" might just be a need to be important or to draw attention for a little while. If your dds aren't competing with each other, I believe this will all wash out in the end if she realizes that she makes a lot of contributions to the team. Oh, I know you might not be a Cardinal's fan but Albert Pujols commented the other day when people were saying that he was in a "slump" that he just laughed at them. He said he doesn't have to get a hit. He can help the team with with leadership, a play at first or being a good teammate. I wish all athletes could hear that interview. JMHO!

 

[Dadof3]

Amy thanks. Yes they are wonderful girls but boys (we have a 13 yr old son) sure are easier!

Cannonball. That situation you described is exactly what was happening this year with #1 DD after putting her on first. The 12U coach evened asked her a couple weeks ago. "So you and sis are playing for me next year right?" and she told him yes. I think she really needs to learn how to fail. As weird as that sounds. As far as competing with each other, they never have been competitive with each when on the same team. There's never been I'm better than you at this or well I'm better than you at that. Of course it's a different story when they are playing 1on1 in the driveway. The do push each other to become better individually, though.

 

[SoftSocDad]

Not set in stone, but I agree with the unwritten rule that says kids get to choose all their activities from 10yo onward.

The fact that she's said she wants to focus on basketball should make you very excited, as it's not like she's dropping out of team sports and physical activity altogether.

You've done a great job with your girls...be proud of them for standing up and demonstrating their independence.

 

[SoCalSoftballdad]

Being the age I am now and making many mistakes in parenting the last 20 years, I suggest that you never mention softball to her again. She is getting old enough to make her own decisions. My DD dropped basketball after her freshman year. She was leading scorer, etc. Did I miss seeing her play? Sure. But it wasn't my choice.
.

When do you encourage something and when do you stay out of it? We were watching one of those national televised dance competitions and this early 20's women who won it all thanked her mother for making her continue dancing when she fel like quitting at a young age. What if the mother said fine, quit when this girl was young, she would have missed out on pursuing dance which is now her passion and career choice in life. Its not an easy decision.

 

[Dadof3]

Not set in stone, but I agree with the unwritten rule that says kids get to choose all their activities from 10yo onward.

The fact that she's said she wants to focus on basketball should make you very excited, as it's not like she's dropping out of team sports and physical activity altogether.

You've done a great job with your girls...be proud of them for standing up and demonstrating their independence.

Yes, I agree it is great she wants to play basketball. But here's the problem. I'm 5'8" my wife is 5'1". I'm not saying she won't succeed. But chances of her succeeding and actually making a team once she gets in middle school may be slim due to her height. Not to mention our middle school is 7th & 8th with over 500 kids. I would just hate to see her lose out on a couple more development years of softball to concentrate on a sport she may not have a chance to play. BUT one of the leagues we played in last winter was against all the other grade school girls combined. So presumably, she was playing against the girls she will be up against to make the b-ball team in 7th grade. I'll just say that they both did very well. The problem is those girls she played last winter are not going to be the same girls (body/size/maturity) once in 7th grade.

See where I'm going? She quits softball now. Loses those however many years until she finds out coaches won't even look at her because of her size for basketball and has to essentially start that far behind back into softball. Before anyone says "How do you know they will even want to play sports then?" These two will be playing some sort of sport no matter what. They aren't the type that sit around the house and watch TV or play video games. We have their older brother to thank for that. He races motocross. They have motorcycles too. hmmmmm....maybe I'll just buy a couple more race bikes for them, instead of all these stick and ball sports!!! not.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Buy them a sail boat. :[

 

[mudbug]

You can force them to do whatever you want at that age, and they will HATE it just to spite you.

Come to think of it, I guess that applies to girls, or women, of any age.

Maybe they need a different team, a change of scenery so to speak. Team chemistry is EVERYTHING. When you have a team where all 12 young ladies are like best friends, they cant imagine not being together at every chance. They look forward to practice, games, etc. And they play hard not to let each other down.

 

[Lozza]

You need to let her make her own mistakes. If she's old enough to tell you (twice) that she doesn't want to play then don't make her play. You did the right thing making her stick to her commitment, but don't force her next year.

My advice is don't mention softball during the off season. When it comes time to register them for next year, ask her then if she wants to play. If she doesn't want to play, she'll tell you then.

I can't believe that U10s are getting pulled after making two mistakes! That's shocking!

Having said that, if her reaction to being pulled is 'I don't want to play anymore' well she might not have it in her to go further anyways.