Coach, not coaching

[Me_and_my_big_mouth]

I can take it if I'm wrong, and admit it. No problem with that. In this case clearly I'm wrong, and deep down I know/knew that all along. Just kind of a tough spot, doesn't make my actions right I know. But wrong is wrong, and I was wrong.

My daughter loves softball, she fell in love with it her first year she played at 9. Ever since its all we do, it has consumed our lives, as long as she loves it, and has fun, honestly that's all that matters in the end.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts. They are appreciated.

It takes a big person to listen and acknowledge that there might be a different way. I have learned a lot from sticking around here and reading. Number one thing I've learned is that I'm not alone, and I am not reinventing the wheel. If I read long enough, I'm bound to find where someone else is having the same issues or concerns.

Once in a while, these folks are harsh, but they all mean well. I ended up here like you, and I have to remind myself to join the conversation here and there instead of just lurking. The "old timers" (you know who you are!) can be intimidating sometimes, but now that you've been initiated, please stay and continue to join the discussion. We can all learn from each other - and I really appreciate all the different perspectives as my dd moves through the ranks.

 

[djcarter1966]

I can take it if I'm wrong, and admit it. No problem with that. In this case clearly I'm wrong, and deep down I know/knew that all along. Just kind of a tough spot, doesn't make my actions right I know. But wrong is wrong, and I was wrong.

My daughter loves softball, she fell in love with it her first year she played at 9. Ever since its all we do, it has consumed our lives, as long as she loves it, and has fun, honestly that's all that matters in the end.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts. They are appreciated.

Don't feel bad you just want what is best for your kid. This is why many of us just step up and coach, it is a different frustration but it is better than suffering from the stands.

As a parent you have two choices sit in the stands and keep quiet or go hang out along the outfield fence. Go watch a high level travel or HS game and you will see a group of parents along the outfield fence there is a reason for that....WE KNOW we can't control ourselves so we simply choose to remove ourselves from the situation, let the coach be the coach and commiserate with each other.

 

[BobInMadison]

I can understand the frustration. My DD #3 has been the best player on several rec ball teams with new coaches. Most of the time that worked out OK, and the coaches acknowledged her abilities, perhaps had her throw BP for the girls so the practice would be meaningful for her. In one case the coaches kept telling her that everything her TB coaches said was wrong, and kept yelling at her during practice. So, she stopped going to practice. This is someone who normally loves practice so much she was in tears when an injury kept her away from practices.

As long as the coaches aren't trying to get her to do the wrong things, then your DD will be OK. Remember, the coaches are the ones who put themselves out there to volunteer when nobody else would.

 

[mwh1979]

Hey everyone, I am new to the forum I stumbled upon it last night actually while doing some reading on pitching. Just a little bit of back ground here. My daughter plays 12u softball and we are from the Beaumont Texas area, we are about 2 hours easy of Houston give or take depending on traffic. Anyhow.. I feel like I have a bit of a dilemma here. I will try to make this as short as I can without leaving anything out. I'm just looking for thoughts and opinions here from you parents, and even coaches of there any of of you in here.

My daughter tried out for what's called a select team in our area, she made it. My husband shortly after had a job change at the beginning of the year and we decided until we knew how our finances were going pan out we didnt to commit to the extra spending, so we respectfully declined the offer to play for the select team. We know the coaches my daughter has played for them years before in league and they said whenever we were ready there was a spot for her. So... Not wanting her to miss a season.. We signed her up for our local league. At this point we are about a month into our league season, we have league games, and we play tournaments, against other local leagues on the weekends.

It's just our coach and one other person, their third person rarely shows up to help. For anyone who has ever coached you know you need at least three,people for practices. Is parents, several of us have offered our help.. Told the coach to just tell us what she needs us to do and we will do it so she can have extra hands at practice. She says she doesn't want parents to help cause she doesn't want mommy ball. (mind you her third person, is a parent of a player) long story short the coaches aren't really teaching the girls anything. She told the girls,at our tournament yesterday to stop listening to the parents on the fence. Of course we didn't stop, and the kids,kept listening to us.

What do you do as a parent? Keep coaching from the side so your kid can learn? Or let it go?

We've been in this scenario too when my daughter was still playing rec ball. I don't know how it is in Texas but coaching around here tends to be a good ol' boy network so the third person in that situation was just a buddy who gets to 'coach' despite not being able to be there 3/4 of the time. Also any actual knowledge of softball isn't really a prerequisite. But I like many others have worked hard to keep my mouth shut during games. I'm not perfect but generally I'm successful. My daughter's travel team is better coached now and we've been with them for a long time so it's a good deal easier than it used to be. All of the parents and coaches know each other pretty well at this point.

 

[BuckeyeGuy]

As a coach, there is little I find more disruptive than parents trying to coach from behind the fence. Games are not time for coaching, they are for applying what's already been coached in practices. I don't coach except maybe to remind pitchers about little things. I manage the game and the team and remind the players to ignore anything else they hear.

 

[marriard]

What do you do as a parent? Keep coaching from the side so your kid can learn? Or let it go?

Fill out your volunteer form and get out there and coach next season... otherwise keep your mouth shut while someone else is coaching the team. It is hard enough to coach and control a bunch of local league 12U players without being undermined from the side line.

If you want to coach your kid individually outside of the team practices and games, then go right ahead, but once she is under another coaches control, then let them coach - even if they are wrong. It is just one season - long term it doesn't matter all that much.

Coaches coaches, players play.. parents and spectators cheer.

 

[Osric]

I had a long talk with my parents at the beginning of th3 year. A large part of that talk was stressing that there was to be NO coaching from the sidelines. The kids MUST b3 in the habit of communicating between themselves and listening to ME. I also told them that the quickest way for their daughter to play the bench was for the parents to coach f4on the sidelines. Nothing is more disrupti e to the development of the team than well meaning parents who yell from the sideline.

 

[mwh1979]

I had a long talk with my parents at the beginning of th3 year. A large part of that talk was stressing that there was to be NO coaching from the sidelines. The kids MUST b3 in the habit of communicating between themselves and listening to ME. I also told them that the quickest way for their daughter to play the bench was for the parents to coach f4on the sidelines. Nothing is more disrupti e to the development of the team than well meaning parents who yell from the sideline.

If it's to the point that you want to bench a player for something she can't control you might as well just cut her from the team. Sadly, I've seen it come to that before.

 

[wheresmycar]

If you don't like the coaching... offer to become an assistant coach, especially if the real assistant is not showing up regularly.

If that does not work out, ride this season out, and volunteer to coach the next season.