Coach issue

[ahcme]

Wow, thanks for all of the different views and advice. A few days have passed and my perspective has changed, somewhat. "Travel team" sounds like a pretty broad term depending on your region. Here, in bfe, the coaches are not paid, each has a daughter on the team (big suprise), none of the girls to my knowledge have private coaching. The closest private coaching is 1 1/2- 2 hrs away. They travel between neighboring counties. They must play in each towns rec or regular league to be able to play in travel league, sort of like all stars. Definitely not a little league world series contender, I don't think they are sanctioned. I definitely know my daughers limitations, she is not a natural athlete. I am not a parent who thinks their child is way better than they actually are. With that said, in this type of team, I think she deserves more playing time. She did not start to regress until after the season started and her playing time has been the same since the start of the season. So that is not the reason she is sitting. We do spend time in the batting cages and practicing at home. But as I said, dd and dh get frustrated with each other. She does better with a good coach. She has also started watching videos on you tube, on her own. We have talked about it and she is going to ask herself to play more and catch. If that is received poorly, we will step in as parents, probably regardless how she is received, more of a follow up and then start a discussion. DD is very shy, somewhat of a wallflower. She will step back if you let her and blend in. Thanks again for all the comments, I basically needed a place to vent without being judged.

 

[SoftSocDad]

Ahh, gotcha. Now it makes more sense and if I had to guess, I would suspect that the level of play in this sort of travel league isn't going to be significantly better than what you see in the rec league (correct me if you feel I'm wrong).

That being the case, I would suggest leaving this team at the end of the season (you could leave now, but on principle, I don't like that move). Don't talk about it now, because 10yo girls won't keep quiet about anything...just wait until this season's over and have that talk. If she and dad aren't a good practice fit, then she needs to be in an environment where she can get the skills instruction and drills that will help her to progress as a player.

 

[ahcme]

Definitely will not leave the team now, based on principal as you said. She will not be on this team again, she is actually 11 now, so she should move up next year. I'm not sure if this coach will move up too. That may determine if she continues in that league, but she will need to step it up herself too. DH and DD are hit and miss if their practice time goes well or not. What has also made this year so frustrating is that we are splitting ourselves between our dd and ds, then when she doesn't play, I miss his games. DH helps coach ds team, and they play at the same time frequently. We want to be equally supportive, but the boys side is ran totally differently. More like the way it should be, most of the girls on dd team would have lost their spot on the boys side, even at 8 &U. I'm not going to stress any of this anymore. But thanks again.

 

[SoftballMama]

The mind of a 10 year old who plays only one inning.

The mind of some coaches who play girls only one inning (including me before . . .) And yes, I am generalizing - I don't know all of you and won't presume there are not other reasons spinning around in your heads.

My coach thinks I am bad.

She isn't as good as the others.

Coach doesn't believe in me.

I am never going to be able to fix this girl

I have to get this ball . . . (so stiff and tense as the ball comes toward her cause she knows she won't get off the pine if she misses it)

Ugh, she just won't relax and go for it.

Coach likes her better. (looking at Sue who just missed a similar line drive)

Wow, Sue is having a bad day today.

I sit here all the time. I've never been late. (When Sue is benched for the first inning because she is late and it has become haibtual)

I'll sit Sue for the first, don't want to, but maybe her mom will bring her on time next time. It would be great if she came to practices conistently too. But she really hits the ball. I can't afford to lose her.

Mom tells me right field is important, all positions are important.

Ok, it's the 4th, we're up, I'll stick her in RF and hope nothing happens there.

Dad tells me all teams need right fielders. I have to back up all those throws to 1st. That's important.

Ok, it's the 4th, it's a tight game. I can't afford to put her in. We might lose.

I get to go in! Yay! I haven't been out here all day! This is great!

Oh no. A pop to right field. Just my luck.

Mom, how did I get so bad at softball when I used to be good?

 

[gamespeed3]

I coach rec ball, have two daughters that play (12U, 8U), and one just started playing on a tournament team. As a parent, we want the best for our girls. As a coach, I'd rather have a concerned parent ask questions than brood or be unhappy....that negativity is difficult to shelter from the player at home and during car rides unless you're really disciplined in staying positive! If you opt to ask the coach for some understanding (much different that explaining their coaching decisions) I advise you to be prepared for, and be willing to accept, the coach's answer. I find that these situations are rarely about ability, strategies, or the player...it's about us as parents! Too often parents want to steer their daughters through softball (not saying this is you btw =D ) and forego the real lessons: we aren't always going to like coaches decisions, time played, positions played, or even the coaches...but it doesn't make them wrong because we don't like them. At the onset of the season you should have been given a good idea of the type of team she was participating with. Bottom line: its a team and she's part of it...and so are you as parents. Try to see the good in what's happening not the "usual mistakes" by others and avoid looking at your daughter like she is a victim on this team. She is learning valuable life skills! Remember: you and your hubby define who she is, so keep telling her! Build her up; find a way to reignite her fire for the game! My hubby and I have endured these kinds of seasons, and in retrospect they have made our oldest a better player! If you stay the course, have faith, and let her experience this season without mental defeat she will emerge a stronger player psychologically and physically. I promise, I absolutely "get" what you're saying! I like your commitment to working with her at home, encouraging her! Keep it up!! btw=it really didn't come together for my oldest until this past spring @12 years old! These girls are like flowers....they all bloom at different times! Remind her she is "playing" ball....to have fun, do her best, and don't give up. As for the favoritism...well, that's another nifty life lesson (I don't know about you but I feel like I learn as much if not more than my kids each season! LOL). Less focus on all these things that are undermining the season and robbing your joy and more focus on your daughters skills. Be sure to let us know how it goes!

 

[SoftSocDad]

I coach rec ball, have two daughters that play (12U, 8U), and one just started playing on a tournament team. As a parent, we want the best for our girls. As a coach, I'd rather have a concerned parent ask questions than brood or be unhappy....that negativity is difficult to shelter from the player at home and during car rides unless you're really disciplined in staying positive! If you opt to ask the coach for some understanding (much different that explaining their coaching decisions) I advise you to be prepared for, and be willing to accept, the coach's answer. I find that these situations are rarely about ability, strategies, or the player...it's about us as parents! Too often parents want to steer their daughters through softball (not saying this is you btw =D ) and forego the real lessons: we aren't always going to like coaches decisions, time played, positions played, or even the coaches...but it doesn't make them wrong because we don't like them. At the onset of the season you should have been given a good idea of the type of team she was participating with. Bottom line: its a team and she's part of it...and so are you as parents. Try to see the good in what's happening not the "usual mistakes" by others and avoid looking at your daughter like she is a victim on this team. She is learning valuable life skills! Remember: you and your hubby define who she is, so keep telling her! Build her up; find a way to reignite her fire for the game! My hubby and I have endured these kinds of seasons, and in retrospect they have made our oldest a better player! If you stay the course, have faith, and let her experience this season without mental defeat she will emerge a stronger player psychologically and physically. I promise, I absolutely "get" what you're saying! I like your commitment to working with her at home, encouraging her! Keep it up!! btw=it really didn't come together for my oldest until this past spring @12 years old! These girls are like flowers....they all bloom at different times! Remind her she is "playing" ball....to have fun, do her best, and don't give up. As for the favoritism...well, that's another nifty life lesson (I don't know about you but I feel like I learn as much if not more than my kids each season! LOL). Less focus on all these things that are undermining the season and robbing your joy and more focus on your daughters skills. Be sure to let us know how it goes!

At the start of each season, the rec coaches we've had have always said they wanted feedback from the parents, but I was never 100% about the sincerity of those statements...and when I finally said something this season, I didn't get the impression it was that well-received. Everyone's got their ego and everyone wants ownership of something, but in my estimation, helping the girls to be competitive would go a long way toward improving their enjoyment of the game. I am not talking about competitive aggression. I'm talking about basic game strategy, specifically base-running and defensive positioning.

Ours girls were tired of losing and by such big margins. Yeah, I'll admit we had a bunch of girls who didn't want to be there in the first place (parents made them play), but those who did want to play also wanted to have a chance to win a game.

My personal policy had always been to lay off and let the coaches coach. My job was to keep my wife from going off on them! But this year, I finally had to say something after the team had lost its first 9 games, 6 or 7 of which were shutouts.

There was almost a sort of 'Fine, we'll try it your way, Mr. Smart guy!' reaction, but they did finish the season winning 2 of their last 3, suddenly scoring bunches of runs.

I don't care to say 'told you so' (nor is that the reason for my post). All I wanted was for our girls to have a chance to win a game and I felt that the original coaching strategy was preventing them from that opportunity. All I care about is the fact that the rest of the games were competitive and that our girls were given a reasonable opportunity to win a game, a chance they took advantage of.

You're right about being part of a team, though, and nothing improves team spirit like being competitive and winning a few games.