Caught myself again today....

[southwestsoftball]

I will never be one of those over the top dads who pushes their kids beyond their limits and beyond liking the game. Ive coached too long and seen too many of those kinds of dads/moms to ever be like that. However, I ALWAYS catch myself being too hard on my DD( in my head) and forgetting her age. She is in her second year of softball and she plays with girls 1-2 years older than her. Just finished 3rd grade and just turned 9. She is a good little pitcher( our teams 3) and averages about 8-9K's per game and about a 1.5-2.0 ERA. . She bats lead off, is our 4th fastest kid and either starts at 2B/SS and also gets time at C and CF. The kid for all intensive purposes is well beyond her years and on a very good team stands out. However like any kid, she of course has those moments where she makes a big mistake and every once in a while gets psyched out by some of the faster pitchers who are big. ( she is 4'9, 75lbs and some girls at 10U are 5'6-5'7, 150-175)

As I am about to ask her "why didnt you _______?" or "why are you doing this?" etc..... I remember she is just a little girl. LOL. Even more a little girl then the kids she plays with. Im soooo used to comparing her to 11 year olds who are really good players themselves that its easy to forget the age difference and experience difference.

I feel lucky that I am able to see myself heading into this train of though and stop myself. Too many people arent capable of doing this and they lay into their kids and eventually their kids get burnt out and quit or stop having fun.............or even worse develop dislike and anger towards their parents.

 

[Jr10234]

Great reminder sw, I blew it tonight. Time to go apologize!

 

[BB875]

Southwest, you are a good parent. Its tough, but I try to follow exactly what you are saying too.

My DD#3 (10U) is in similar situation with age. She plays her heart out. Last weekend her team made it to the championship game and it was a tight one. We trailed 3-2 in in the bottom of the last inning. We made some defensive mistakes that allowed the other team to take the lead. DD#3 was lead off that last inning and struck out. It was a dropped 3rd strike and she flew down the line, but the catcher threw her out. She cried when she got back in the dugout because the coach challenged the team to step up and make a play. She felt like she let her team down.

They ended up winning, but they really played with heart that last inning.

 

[42'sdad]

SW, I am in almost the exact situation except my DD doesn't pitch (yet she says ). She is 9 playing on a 10u travel team playing A level ball. Same exact situation on everything but pitching. She's lead off batter, starting SS or 2b and sometimes 3rd base. I am constantly keeping myself in check when it comes to talking, coaching, and yes sometimes yelling. My DD has a very great attitude and work ethic and actually tells me that I need to be a little harder on her sometimes. One thing our HC told us was, NO MATTER WHAT, do not talk softball in the car on the way home from practices or games!! Give yourself time to either cool down and think about things on the way home. I remember one tournament where she had some big errors and mistakes in the championship game. We had a 3 hour drive home, I was pretty fired up and drove it in less than two just to get to our talk...lol. I literally have a sit down, face to face, CALM talk with DD after every practice/ game or tournament. We go into her bedroom and shut the door, I let her start the conversation any way she wants. We usually start with what she learned. Then we go on to the things that need worked on and so on and so forth. I have to say that the bond this has made between DD and I is amazing. Some of the conversations are hard and some are down right comical. I am not looking forward to the day we no longer have these talks.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I will never be one of those over the top dads who pushes their kids beyond their limits and beyond liking the game. Ive coached too long and seen too many of those kinds of dads/moms to ever be like that. However, I ALWAYS catch myself being too hard on my DD( in my head) and forgetting her age. She is in her second year of softball and she plays with girls 1-2 years older than her. Just finished 3rd grade and just turned 9. She is a good little pitcher( our teams 3) and averages about 8-9K's per game and about a 1.5-2.0 ERA. . She bats lead off, is our 4th fastest kid and either starts at 2B/SS and also gets time at C and CF. The kid for all intensive purposes is well beyond her years and on a very good team stands out. However like any kid, she of course has those moments where she makes a big mistake and every once in a while gets psyched out by some of the faster pitchers who are big. ( she is 4'9, 75lbs and some girls at 10U are 5'6-5'7, 150-175)

I don't understand how the decision to be harder or softer is related to statistics and performance. I don't doubt you're doing a great job as a parent. But if I'm hard on my daughter or a player, it has little to do how well she's playing, so when I see her stats and achievements, I think, 'Who cares?' It's about how she's going about her business. Does she work hard? Does she respect her coaches and teammates? On the team that I coach, I'm hardest on my best player. Not because she's the best, but because she happens to have the worst practice habits. Again, not questioning you as a parent, just wondering if I missed the point.

 

[southwestsoftball]

Not related to stats at all. The point was to say that because she plays with older kids and does well, its easy to get carried away with things and forget. If she struggled to play then it wouldnt be hard to remember she is younger because thats what you would expect from a younger player. As for how she is going about her business.......she is a very hard worker and a "yes sir, no sir type" of kid. She knows playing sports is a priveledge and it needs to be earned with great grades, a great attitude and hard work.

My point was just that sometimes we all need to take a step back.

As for the being harder on people based off performance. I am different then you. I AM harder on my more talented players because I have to challenge them more in order for them to improve. JMO as always.