Another problem with a HS team

[RedBirdDad]

I have a similar predicament with a couple of twists.

My DD is a Freshman in HS and made the varsity team as a pitcher. The #1 pitcher is a junior (her dad is also the president of the SB booster club). When the season started, my DD bailed out the older pitcher in a couple of games, shutting down the opponents and getting the wins. After the first 4 games of the season my DD was 2-0 and the older girl was 1-1. On the 5th game, my DD started and threw a no hitter to go to 3-0 and got a nice headline in the local paper. It was easily the high point of her season as things started to unravel quickly.

In game 6, the older girl got knocked around pretty good but the coach stuck with her and we lost 6-1. He continued to play the older girl, and for the rest of the season my DD got limited action. Perhaps she pitched the second game of a DH or got some innings here and there. Twice she pitched on JV and twice on the Freshman squad where she did extremely well, but the opportunities just were not coming on varsity and she started the slow emotional slide to the point of being broken hearted just like your DD.

During the offseason prior to her Freshman year she worked extremely hard. Based on my knowlege of the team, I can confidently say that no one on the team put in more effort prior to the start of the HS season. We know it and the head coach has told us that as well. He also told her that her hard work would pay off and that she would get opportunities based on her abilities and the effort she put in. He had her totally commited and a believer going into the season, and during the first several games, but as the playing time diminished she slowly became demoralized. She knows she is a better pitcher than the older girl, and that she is not being treated fairly. Many of the parents know this as well and ask us often why she isn't pitching more. This past week the pieces finally fell into place.

We are not originally from the city we currently live in. We've been here since 1996 but are not "townies" as we call them. Both my DD and her older sister have gone to school here their entire lives, but it's a small city with an even smaller town mentality and we are outsiders. Apparently after my DD threw the no-hitter, pressure was put on the HS AD who in turn put pressure on the coach. Instead of earning the position on ability, there is a political process and connected people can (and do) pressure the school to get their DDs playing time.

My DD lives and breathes softball. she plays other sports but SB is #1. That said, she is totally demoralized. The playoffs start this afternoon but she didn't even want to go to practice yesterday. I now know more about what is really going on then she does but I'm at a loss as to how to fix it with her. I can't go to the AD at this point because I don't want him to be able to figure out how I know what is going on. I have every intention of confronting him in the next couple of months but right now is not a good idea. Since the older girl has another year in HS there is no reason to believe that next year won't be the same thing all over again.

At this point I'm just trying to figure out how to keep her spirits up and have her believe in the HS coach since it appears that he doesn't really have a choice regarding playing the other girl. In DD's eyes he went from being the best coach she ever had to not even her favorite on the HS team. Summer ball is coming soon and she will pitch plenty of innings, but around here HS ball is the top dog. If I can't get her excited about SB again and soon, it's going to be really hard to get her to put in the off-season effort that she did last year.

 

[RedBirdDad]

Hmm, not sure how this ended up as it's own post. It was in reply to the Heartbroken daughter thread.

 

[EP Dad]

Moderator may have moved it.

I was struck by your predicament. I don't have any advice except to say that life isn't fair and you can't control other people, only your reaction to them. Sounds like if she sticks it out she'll have a junior and senior year free of the shackles. Is your DD willing to persevere that long? May have to.

You do have the one good thing going in that other parents are on your DD's side. If you keep quiet (hardest thing to do, I know) you may get the result you want without having to say a word.

 

[sluggers]

(I moved the post...it is pretty interesting, and deserves its own thread.)

My DDs dealt with this type of situation several times. The first time it happened, as a parent, I wrung my hands and complained about the injustice of it all. Guess what? It didn't matter. No one cared. That approach resulted in ZERO extra innings.

So, we took a different approach. The DDs worked on becoming better. They doubled their practice time. We got better coaching. They learned to play different positions. They became so good that no one, including the other girls' parents, could dispute it. (Funny story--we worked so hard on hitting that my DD#1 was named "Chicago Tribune Player of the Week"--for her hitting, not pitching.)

IMHO, you have to treat this like a life experience. She will face similar situations such as this--next time, it will be a job, a promotion, a car, etc. So, it is important for you to teach her how to deal with these "political" decisions. Any time you have more than two people together, there is politics.

My experience has been that kids really don't know how to react, and their reactions simply mirror their parents. So, you might want to do a little soul searching about how *you* handled the situation and what you want to teach her.

The truth is that kids who become "good" at a sport have to suffer through these types of situations all the time. There is always someone else who is preferred by the coach.

She really has two options--(1) quit the team or (2) keep working.

I'm *not* advocating quitting, but quitting (giving up softball) is something she needs to think about. If any job becomes too much about politics rather than the job, then it is time to consider moving on. But, she should know the repercussions of her decision--i.e., once she quits, she can't start playing again.

As to "keep working", you and her should develop a plan for getting her more playing time. She has to keep working on pitching, but is there some other position she can play? Can her hitting be improved? Find a way to get her on the field next year--if not at pitcher, maybe in the outfield or at 2B.

 

[Lozza]

This is the perfect oppurtunity to teach your daughter that sometimes life just sucks. It's not fair. Explain to her that all she can do is be the best pitcher and people will realise this. I had a simillar situation at first and the amount of parents who told my parents how much it sucked that I never got time on was astounding. Parents generally want to win. Anytime a parent says something to you my answer would be 'I don't know, perhaps talk to the AD if you're so confused? I'm at a loss'

Does your daughter want to play college? If so this could be a brilliant tool for her. She already has her no hitter that was written up. If they have a querry why she then didn't pitch and see the other girl was getting smacked they'll figure it out. If she uses this as a motivator it could do her the world of good.

 

[fastpitch]

Yes. Life isn't always fair. Its the rare player that is always "great" and has everything handed to them. Those are the ones that usually crumble when it gets a little tough. The ones that stay with it and don't always get the "fair" treatment, stick with it and work harder to prove themselves end up being the ones that are great.

 

[RedBirdDad]

Thanks for the feedback.

Last night they played thier first playoff game. The older girl started and gave up 10 runs on 10 hits in 4 innings. My DD replaced her in the bottom of the 5th with the score 10-1. She struck out the first batter, got the second to pop up for an easy out (which was of course dropped with the runner making it to 2B) and then gave up a single that drove in the 11th run and the game (and season) was over.

I talked to her after the game and she was in good spirits, despite the loss. She said that other coaches in the dugout were discussing pulling the starter as things were getting out of hand in the 4th inning but the HC said something to the effect that it would be embarrassing to pull her in mid-inning. Apparently he's been instructed to not embarrass her which is exactly what was happening early in the season when my DD was cleaning up her messes. It also reminded me of a game right after our 6-1 loss that started my DDs dimished playing time. The older girl started a game against our arch nemesis. The score was tied 1-1 after 5 innings. In the 6th, the starter gave up a hit and walked two to load the bases with two outs. She walked the next two batters and we were down 3-1. My DD came in to replace her with the bases loaded and two outs. She got a K to end the inning and then shut them down in the 7th but we didn't score and ended up losing 3-1. This happened in front of a large home crowd and it was obvious to all that they should have gone to my DD earlier.

After the game last night I shook the HC's hand and thanked him. He told me that he needs to talk to me. I'm thinking that he wants to say some things that he couldn't say during the season. I like the guy and think he's a good coach, but I think that the political directives have hamstrung his ability to lead the team. Time will tell how exactly it unfolds but I can guarantee that I'm not letting my DD go through that again. I have no issues with her being the #2 pitcher, as long as it's based on merit.

Being the dad, it's hard to watch your DD going through something like this but I'm taking the advice to heart and will try to turn this into a learning opportunity. Her summer season starts next week and one of the teams she is on plays against HS, college and adult players so the competition will be good and the coach wants her to be her #1 pitcher. Meanwhile, I'll have that conversation with the HS coach and I might just end up having a heart to heart with the AD to put an end to the political pressures. Not sure if I'll be successful, but at least I can bring it out in the light of day.

Thanks again for the feedback.

 

[Country Boy]

It's interesting that we encourage participation in sports as a way to learn lessons that will help shape us in life. Then all too often, we get frustrated that our children are being exposed to dealing with the realities of life. Life is not Fair! As Sluggers and others mention, rather than chafe under the strain of the situation, work to change the situation.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

it would be embarrassing to pull her in mid-inning.

So, it's less embarrassing to give up 10 runs?

 

[NVfishing]

It happens all the time. Politics is part of life. Like everyone says life isn't fair. Sometimes playing time can even be given based on the PC your DD has or doesn't have and their affiliation to a team.