14U Playing Time / Parent issues

[Chris8]

If I've learned anything in the past few years being involved in running a team (and married to a head coach the past 2), it's that some parents will never be happy no matter what you do. The sense of entitlement often comes from the least committed players' parents. You know the ones who miss half the practices and complain about everything are also the ones who complain the most and the loudest about playing time. They also usually care way more about it than their kids do, who sometimes understand the concept of TEAM better than their parents do. I hope your coach can find a good balance.

.....and also can't understand why their DD is on the bench when batting lineup in bracket play...or is last in lineup when they have the lowest BA/OBP.

Want to play? PRACTICE...Want to play more? PRACTICE MORE. Want to win? PRACTICE EVEN MORE See Rachel Garcia and the rest of the pitching staff who put in extra cardio/strength workouts on their own. See Aaliyah Jordan @ UCLA getting extra hitting lessons from her hitting coach at 10pm at night because that's when she could work it in....

 

[SBsluggermom]

Your team appears to be a blend between a "rec" team and a "tournament" team. I say that because a fully "tournament" team wouldn't take on players with no experience. That said, it appears that your coach is doing it right for all concerned, and the new-to-softball parents need to learn how it works.

You said that the coach has offered to work with the less experienced ones...have they taken him up on that offer? Are the parents working with their kids on their own? I'd (politely) ask the malcontents about what their kids do outside of team practice to get better.

From 14U onward, the game only gets more competitive, and it weeds people out who don't put in the work. An incompetent player anywhere on the field can lose games for the team.

To the best of my knowledge those parents have not taken our coach up on her offer to help. One of the complaining parents actually coached this group of the younger girls 2 years ago. At that point, the girls learned how to become "Okay with losing".... It was discouraging to watch this talented group of athletes be totally fine with not winning one single game all season. Due to the same type of issues with playing time. My DD is small and she has to work a little harder than most, but she puts the time in on the field and off to improve herself. She is the smallest girl on the team and last weekend she hit the crud out of the ball and came out of Sunday games with the highest On Base and Slugging percentage for the team. She hit the Walk Off to win our pool play on Saturday and ripped a long shot down the line in LF for a stand up double in our Championship Game (that we won). I'm ready to see more of that team coming out and building their confidence. Because our lineup of 9 are ALL capable of that. Putting in the extra time and effort to better yourself always pays off at some point.

 

[Eric F]

Battling the "everyone plays" mentality of rec ball can be a challenge. If the team is going down a road of being as competitive as possible, it starts with the coaches establishing the guidelines for the team, which would include a clear understanding on how playing time is determined. For every competitive team my DD has been involved with (starting with 8U rec all-stars), playing time has been earned. If you're not one of the top 9 batters and/or one of the top 9 fielders, you're going to spend a lot of time on the bench. In most cases, the top 9 girls are the ones who have put in the work to get to that level, and (probably) continue to put in the work needed to keep improving. If you want to take one of those spots, being "as good" as the girl who has already earned it isn't enough. You need to be better. You need to be UNDENIABLY better. You need to be so much better the coaches can't ignore you. If you're not that good right now, get to work until you are.

Be aware. Some parents get rubbed the wrong way by being told this. Invariably, those parents have kids that are outside the top 9.

EDIT: One particular playing time issue I was involved with (as a coach), the parent said "she always comes to practice, and tries really hard". I had a team full of kids that came to practice and tried really hard. This player was still the 2nd best 1B, 3rd best C, and not really a consideration anywhere else. They didn't stay with the team very long after our discussion.

 

[Strike2]

Battling the "everyone plays" mentality of rec ball can be a challenge. If the team is going down a road of being as competitive as possible, it starts with the coaches establishing the guidelines for the team, which would include a clear understanding on how playing time is determined. For every competitive team my DD has been involved with (starting with 8U rec all-stars), playing time has been earned. If you're not one of the top 9 batters and/or one of the top 9 fielders, you're going to spend a lot of time on the bench. In most cases, the top 9 girls are the ones who have put in the work to get to that level, and (probably) continue to put in the work needed to keep improving. If you want to take one of those spots, being "as good" as the girl who has already earned it isn't enough. You need to be better. You need to be UNDENIABLY better. You need to be so much better the coaches can't ignore you. If you're not that good right now, get to work until you are.

Be aware. Some parents get rubbed the wrong way by being told this. Invariably, those parents have kids that are outside the top 9.

EDIT: One particular playing time issue I was involved with (as a coach), the parent said "she always comes to practice, and tries really hard". I had a team full of kids that came to practice and tried really hard. This player was still the 2nd best 1B, 3rd best C, and not really a consideration anywhere else. They didn't stay with the team very long after our discussion.

I'd say you were fortunate to have a team full of kids who all came to practice and worked hard every time. It isn't always so, and that often makes it easy for the coach when deciding who to play. However, it's also essential to have a solid and competent bench, and you don't get that by not playing kids outside your chosen "best nine". Assuming good effort and attitude, being "as good" as the player already in the spot should earn that other kid some time. That someone has to be "undeniably better" than the established "best nine" to get playing time makes no sense. That doesn't even happen in professional sports, where players of equal ability frequently share time. You'll push everyone and make the team better by playing all of your competent players as much as possible.

 

[uncdrew]

If I've learned anything in the past few years being involved in running a team (and married to a head coach the past 2), it's that some parents will never be happy no matter what you do. The sense of entitlement often comes from the least committed players' parents. You know the ones who miss half the practices and complain about everything are also the ones who complain the most and the loudest about playing time. They also usually care way more about it than their kids do, who sometimes understand the concept of TEAM better than their parents do. I hope your coach can find a good balance.

Amen to this.

We show them stats, we show them game footage. They still think their daughter is better than the others.

Softball is such a wonderful game. The girls are a joy - their attitudes and bonds warm my heart. Watching them grow their already strong passion for softball almost brings a tear to my eye.

Then the parents come along and stomp all over everything good.

 

[Eric F]

I'd say you were fortunate to have a team full of kids who all came to practice and worked hard every time. It isn't always so, and that often makes it easy for the coach when deciding who to play. However, it's also essential to have a solid and competent bench, and you don't get that by not playing kids outside your chosen "best nine". Assuming good effort and attitude, being "as good" as the player already in the spot should earn that other kid some time. That someone has to be "undeniably better" than the established "best nine" to get playing time makes no sense. That doesn't even happen in professional sports, where players of equal ability frequently share time. You'll push everyone and make the team better by playing all of your competent players as much as possible.

I'm not talking about "some time", and I definitely agree about having competent backups at every position, which requires those players getting game experience. I'm talking about the top 9 that get a majority of time when the game matters (tournaments). If you want to be the player that gets the start in critical games, being the clear best option the coaches have available is a pretty sure way to get that spot.

Also, a parent's idea of "as good" doesn't always align with what the coach is seeing.

 

[cvsoftball]

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[wheresmycar]

Some parents are not happy about this.

If they are paying to be on this team, then they have a right to be unhappy. If they are not good enough to play in tournament games, they should not have been offered a spot on the team.

 

[OK04dad]

Sounds to me that there are two different goals trying to be achieved: building a HS team for the future, and winning tournaments now. Having a cohesive team is challenging to begin with, but having a solid team with players at vastly different skills levels is extremely difficult. Sounds like everyone may be better off with splitting the team for tournament play and getting the girls on teams with similar talent levels. The newer ones can make progress by being on the field more.

 

[Strike2]

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Sounds to me that there are two different goals trying to be achieved: building a HS team for the future, and winning tournaments now. Having a cohesive team is challenging to begin with, but having a solid team with players at vastly different skills levels is extremely difficult. Sounds like everyone may be better off with splitting the team for tournament play and getting the girls on teams with similar talent levels. The newer ones can make progress by being on the field more.

I take from the OP that it's a smaller town with limited options. Even at 14U, diamonds-in-the-rough can be found. It's a matter of managing expectations while developing that talent.