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Thread: Need Some advice please

  1. #1
    I'm a fan peanut's Avatar
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    Default Need Some advice please

    My 13yr is a stud she can hit the *** out of the ball great plays the field at short well,does the shortstop hop and creep in BUT. Since she has now moved up to "A" Level team playing teams like the premier Bandits,the futures all the good good teams she has frozen now. Her very first tournament she got yelled at and it has affected her since and me being her dad cant understand it and get on her but she seems scared now to make a mistake and its mentally screwing with her bad. What can I or someone do to help her. It only happens playing the elite teams.., Its like telling her to take the first pitch she did it in 3 games but when playing the elite team she swung at it and was told don't swing. Also throwing harder to 1st base she was told throw the **** out of the ball but she doesn't and doesn't charge the ball its seems she's scared. The coaches are telling her Dad is telling her but to me she just isn't listening and that bothers me and I become a Gorilla because I don't understand when I played someone says don't swing I don't, Bottom line her confidence crumbled lately throwing and fielding and I don't understand it and makes me crazy. Please any thoughts

    Last edited by sluggers; 10-02-2017 at 01:08 PM.

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    Certified softball maniac djcarter1966's Avatar
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    As far as missing the sign or ignoring the signs or direction there should be some kind of team or coach rule. The older they get the harsher the rule; plenty of HS or college coaches will sit you or simply rip into you when you get back and dish out punishment next practice. Playing 14U there really should not be any excuses. I would not put this in the same category as the lack of aggressiveness when playing better teams. Unfortunately there is no magic pill for teaching kids to be aggressive all the time to go out and attack the game and not just sit back and expect things to happen but to go make them happen. That drive or killer instinct is something you have or if you don't have you develop over time as you become more confident...as much as you and coach want to yell at her it's not going to help she knows it more than you do.

    The one thing I would do is make sure to separate things that she can control throwing the ball to the wrong base, not knowing the situation runners and outs, and missing signs from things that are just physical bad throws, striking out or not diving for the ball you thought she could get but she chose to make the "safe" play etc.

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    Certified softball maniac MNDad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanut View Post
    My 13yr is a stud she can hit the *** out of the ball great plays the field at short well,does the shortstop hop and creep in BUT. Since she has now moved up to "A" Level team playing teams like the premier Bandits,the futures all the good good teams she has frozen now. Her very first tournament she got yelled at and it has affected her since and me being her dad cant understand it and get on her but she seems scared now to make a mistake and its mentally screwing with her bad. What can I or someone do to help her. It only happens playing the elite teams.., Its like telling her to take the first pitch she did it in 3 games but when playing the elite team she swung at it and was told don't swing. Also throwing harder to 1st base she was told throw the *** out of the ball but she doesn't and doesn't charge the ball its seems she's scared. The coaches are telling her Dad is telling her but to me she just isn't listening and that bothers me and I become a Gorilla because I don't understand when I played someone says don't swing I don't, Bottom line her confidence crumbled lately throwing and fielding and I don't understand it and makes me crazy. Please any thoughts

    This pretty much answers your question. As DD once told me, “Dad, sometimes I just need your support”.
    Last edited by sluggers; 10-02-2017 at 01:07 PM.
    Relax and enjoy the ride

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    Super Moderator sluggers's Avatar
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    Your kid is on the wrong team with the wrong coaches. Write this off as a mistake...find a different team. Making your child miserable playing softball is ridiculous. Softball is a silly little game played for enjoyment. When the joy isn't there, it is time to quit.

    Her very first tournament she got yelled at and it has affected her since and me being her dad cant understand it and get on her
    Uh...so, the coaches are yelling at her and you decided to yell at her too? so, if two people are yelling at her, then three is better?

    Apparently, you believe in the Leslie Nielsen approach to coaching:



    Its like telling her to take the first pitch she did it in 3 games but when playing the elite team she swung at it and was told don't swing.
    That may be an elite team, but that ain't elite coaching.

    The coaches are telling her Dad is telling her but to me she just isn't listening and that bothers me and I become a Gorilla because I don't understand
    Uh...first, your child is under a lot of pressure and you are making it worse.

    when I played someone says don't swing I don't,

    a) You aren't playing. During your DD's entire softball career, you have yet to get a hit. (My DD played softball for 18 years...I never struck out one batter.)
    b) Don't compare your "13YOA self" to her.
    c) SHE IS *NOT* YOU.

    Please any thoughts
    Your DD is on the wrong team. She is on a team with a bunch of screaming coaches, and she doesn't respond to that type of coaching.

    I don't care if the team is elite or not...these guys sound like a bunch of jerks. (Taking the first pitch every time? Seriously?)

    Kids respond to different things...truly elite coaches change their style in order to motivate different kids.


    Quick story:

    I was at the NJCAA D1 championships many years ago. The teams had crazy records....60-2, 57-5, 65-0. They were amazingly good teams. I walked through the staging area where all the team were sitting.
    The coaches were interacting with their players.

    Some coaches were "yellers", some coaches were disciplinarians, some were the "loving grandpa" coaches, some were "I'm your buddy" coaches...and on and on and on.

    Why were all these coaches with such varied styles successful? Shouldn't all successful coaches be the same?

    Of course not...the answer is that the coaches found kids who responded to their coaching style.

    Some kids like yellers, some don't. Some like "Pal Joey" coaches, others don't. Some kids like "the business guy" coach, others don't.

    Your child is simply out of place on this team. Find another team. And, chill...

    You need to really look at what you are doing and why you have her on this team.
    Last edited by sluggers; 10-02-2017 at 01:40 PM.
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    Softball Junkie Elk Grove Hurricane's Avatar
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    The easy answer is that she is afraid to make mistakes, thus she is playing tight as we used to say. Telling her to ease up isn't going to solve it, you have to really mean it. The best coaching I saw with DD was when her pitching coach worked with her after a terrible outing (something like 4 walks, two wild pitches, and two hits in the first inning when she was lucky enough to find the zone. We were lucky they could only score 5 against us in a 10U game.) She heard nothing but "throw strikes!," "We need strikes," and "You need to throw strikes or I'm pulling you!" from before she took the mound until she was yanked. Do the coaches really think she wasn't trying to do just that?
    Her pitching coach watched her a little more closely during the lesson. When she short armed one that bounced 7 feet in front of me and was wide, he just laughed, looked at her and said "you know how to fix that." You could see the relief on her face instantly. It took her a little while to work on things, but he stayed calm and treated her like she was on of his star students. She gradually regained her confidence and did well in her future opportunities.
    My advice is just to make her laugh at her mistakes. Regardless of how good she is, she is still just a 13 year old trying to play a game. If the coaches are unbearable, want to blame the kids' performance on nothing but the kids' execution on the field (as opposed to the fact that they might just be not as talented or as well coached, I couldn't possibly know his), then move on at the end of the season and find someone who will let her just play the game.

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    I can talk softball all day Pop time 44's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elk Grove Hurricane View Post
    The easy answer is that she is afraid to make mistakes, thus she is playing tight as we used to say. Telling her to ease up isn't going to solve it, you have to really mean it. The best coaching I saw with DD was when her pitching coach worked with her after a terrible outing (something like 4 walks, two wild pitches, and two hits in the first inning when she was lucky enough to find the zone. We were lucky they could only score 5 against us in a 10U game.) She heard nothing but "throw strikes!," "We need strikes," and "You need to throw strikes or I'm pulling you!" from before she took the mound until she was yanked. Do the coaches really think she wasn't trying to do just that?
    Her pitching coach watched her a little more closely during the lesson. When she short armed one that bounced 7 feet in front of me and was wide, he just laughed, looked at her and said "you know how to fix that." You could see the relief on her face instantly. It took her a little while to work on things, but he stayed calm and treated her like she was on of his star students. She gradually regained her confidence and did well in her future opportunities.
    My advice is just to make her laugh at her mistakes. Regardless of how good she is, she is still just a 13 year old trying to play a game. If the coaches are unbearable, want to blame the kids' performance on nothing but the kids' execution on the field (as opposed to the fact that they might just be not as talented or as well coached, I couldn't possibly know his), then move on at the end of the season and find someone who will let her just play the game.
    I couldnít agree with this more....find the right coach for your child. I canít stress this enough.


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    Softball Junkie #7sDad's Avatar
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    Everyone has said it well. Leave her alone and quit micromanaging every play and at bat.

    One other observation. She just moved up to A ball playing some very good teams who've been playing A ball for a number of years. She's also likely playing with teammates who also have this experience. If she was a stud on her B team, she may have never dealt with playing with a whole team of studs where she is now challenged competitively and not the best kid out there. Just let her play and have time to adjust to the new level of competition.

    By the way, don't feel bad. If you're on this forum long enough, you'll see we've all been there. The opportunity is to adjust "your" approach now, not your DD's, before it's too late. And as many have written many times, just try to enjoy the journey.
    Donít practice until you get it right. Practice until you canít get it wrong.

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    Certified softball maniac ANNASDAD's Avatar
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    Why take possibly the best pitch she'll see at bat? We're exactly opposite, if it's in the zone, attack it! Elk Grove is dead on, fear of failure!

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    Certified softball maniac djcarter1966's Avatar
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    I think a lot of people are missing the point not following the coaches sign or direction IN GAME is not acceptable. If you would like to discuss the finer points of hitting away versus swinging at the first pitch do that on the practice field or in between games when it is game time you are not free to disregard what your coach is telling you...if at some point you just think he is stupid change teams but don't think you have some kind of license to swing away because you know better than the coach and if you do that enough times the decision to change teams might be made for you. How many of you coaches out there would tolerate players willfully disregarding signs on a regular basis....exactly. Again I distinguish striking out or bobbling a grounder from missing signs or running through stop sign etc. One is a physical thing the other is totally within your control.

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    I eat, sleep and breathe softball quincy's Avatar
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    Is it acceptable for DD to ignore the bunt Sign? Well maybe not ignore it just pull the bat Back.

    I suppose she could ask the coach why they have her bunt so much but what is the fun in that?


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