they had 13 for tournaments, one girl got hosed just about as bad as DD, one even worse (basically played maybe 4-5 innings in field, pinch ran, had less than 6 PA)... and I thought I was dealing with drama.
How many girls were on this team? We had 11, and heaven forbid we sat a girl an entire game. We did that and got chewed out. We don't do that, we get chewed out. We try to ignore the chewing out, we get chewed out.
I'm done coaching.
The "Hissy-Quit"
- Thread starter Eric F
- Start date
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when, over and above team dues/fees whatever you want to call them, we are paying a lot of money to travel and watch DD play, if you have no intention of giving her reasonable PT due to missing some practice (not performance in games, were talkin about practice), that is BS. sorry, have to call it. this whole "be way better" in order to get PT is bullshit, especially on a C team. should be about developing girls. this was about favoritism for the families and kids that came from their super superior undefeated rec team the previous year.
You were willing to pull your DD out of the team, at a critical time for the team, knowing it would be potentially damaging to the rest of the team, because you weren't happy with your DD's playing time...
That is - literally - the definition of a "hissy-quit".
Props to your DD for making the right choice.
this is a 12u C tournament . . . and I will pull my DD from any situation any time if it is causing her that much anguish (did you miss the part about being in tears immediately following the last game one day, while rest of team other than one family hightailed it outta there?). this treatment was out of left field and a huge escalation from the favoritism shown throughout the season (less pronounced, but tangibly there). she has been in similar situations before, but at least those it was clear before any big tournaments, so it was expected, by her and us. don't ask me to spend a lot of $ for DD to be someone else's insurance policy. if she wanted to leave, we would have left. not going to insist she sit there and continue to let someone mistreat her (what parent would do that?). If they had said before the tournament this is how it is to be, then it would be shame on us for leaving (but we would not have gone in first place), but they of course did not do that, because they knew they needed her at least here and there. that is called using (and abusing) a child (remember, they are children first).
- Jul 14, 2018
- 982
- 93
I came so close to doing this myself a couple of years ago. I managed to hold it together, but the story, in brief:
!2U team, 11 players. Local non-sanctioned tournament. After being a main contributor for a year and a half, DD stopped being penciled in to the starting lineup. Her playing time shrunk steadily the whole spring until we found ourselves at this particular tournament in the Final game.
Over the preceding four games, DD was sent out to pinch hit with two outs in the last inning three times. Every time, the player before her made the last out. She didn't have a plate appearance. It's the fifth inning, umpire has already called no new inning. HC's daughter finds herself on the field having a poorly-timed female emergency. At the half-inning, she comes off the field crying. She's due to lead off, and HC won't let her leave to take care of herself. She goes up to bat, in tears, and taps a weak grounder to second. Then runs off the field to the restroom.
DD, meanwhile, never left her spot on the bench. This being the final game of the tournament, girls from other teams had come over to watch. DD is friends with many of them. She is so embarrassed over the whole weekend that when she sees the girls she knows coming over, she puts on her helmet so that nobody can see her face. Anyone looking at my face would have seen volcanoes exploding in my irises.
why? if everyone just keeps accepting the actions of jackass coaches, they will continue to be jackasses. the son of the HC/AC in this case made one comment to us in his lashing out afterwards that "there is a reason this is her fourth' team", and he is right, but it is coaches like him, not her or us. are we supposed to leave our DDs in situations that put them in tears, through no fault of their own (DW will tell you, I judge DD harsher than any other player, and she was easily in top four or five players on this team), but just because the coach is in a position of power and wants to make themselves seem tough. maybe if a few of these arses got left in situations where they had to pull out mid tournament, they might reform their behaviour, or not have teams because no one will play for them. we have made DD finish out seasons when she absolutely did not want to play for the arse coaching anymore, but that was different. this was, thanks, we need you , but you really are just here because without you other C would die, otherwise you would not play at all (no doubt in my mind of this). DDs self esteem was getting crushed, even though she knew it had nothing to do with attitude, ability, etc.
- May 9, 2019
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- 43
It appears you, just like I, are very critical of our DDs lol.
Takes a big man to admit their wrongs. I always try to put on a smile, fake or not, but trust me, many times I've tearing up inside wanting to explode. I just always have to put on my industrial strength filter when I go to my DD games.
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- May 9, 2019
- 294
- 43
Self Esteem is defined as - "confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect. "
If your DD knows it has nothing to do with attitude and ability, what would be the basis of her self esteem being crushed?
If she knows how good she is, then I doubt self esteem is being crushed.. at least not her's.
and BTW, at no point was a big scene made, DW and I talked mostly to each other ( I guess others could have overheard if they really wanted to) and to a few other select parents. asked DD quietly if she wanted to leave, no big fuss was made.
other parents were openly (but again, not screaming, no scenes) questioning coaching decisions all along (taking first strike veritually every AB for every hitter, could of steals that got thrown out easily, etc.).
btw, DD got called upon to PH in last inning of last game (they lost 1-0), got one of the games 2 hits, HC complained when next hitter grounded to 2B and tagged DD. not certain what he wanted her to do, she was called out for interference on similar play in fall, so she knows she cannot run into fielder, I guess she was supposed to hurdle the 2B. again, DD made mistake, got called out for it, one of the rec all stars makes mistake, no big deal.
other parents were openly (but again, not screaming, no scenes) questioning coaching decisions all along (taking first strike veritually every AB for every hitter, could of steals that got thrown out easily, etc.).
btw, DD got called upon to PH in last inning of last game (they lost 1-0), got one of the games 2 hits, HC complained when next hitter grounded to 2B and tagged DD. not certain what he wanted her to do, she was called out for interference on similar play in fall, so she knows she cannot run into fielder, I guess she was supposed to hurdle the 2B. again, DD made mistake, got called out for it, one of the rec all stars makes mistake, no big deal.
Clearly, you and I aren't going to agree on this topic. Good luck to you and your DD.
because we have also taught her to respect the coaches and abide by their decisions / opinions. and she has had several really good coaches, so this reinforced this lesson from us, because she really respected them. and because these coaches earlier favoritism was less blatant (DW and I saw it, but not DD, and we did not say anything to her, again, we want her to respect her coaches), so she actually liked and respected these coaches as well (and they still were nice and pleasant, they just were not playing her, with no explanation). hence why she was in tears after that last game one day, she could not understand it emotionally, even if she knew it in her head. remember, these are little girls (this was 12U team)
