Travel Ball: Sick of other Parents & the Coach

[AllDay]

My DD's team is full of issues for me.

A coach who is, simply put, a moron that would ruin the program if it weren't for a few good men, including myself, helping to hold it together. The guy dislikes me and plays passive - aggressive games, such as not answering my phone calls, text messages, and generally not speaking to me at the games or practices unless I approach him directly. This has had a direct impact on how efficient and organized our Travel Ball program is viewed.

Now we've had our differences but I've put them to the side for the greater good of the girls and the program. I believe that he has said some things to a parent that I shared with him - in his typical passive-aggresive attempt to run me out of the program. This is now causing uneasy relationships for me in the bleachers.

This is a team that, without a doubt, would not exist had it not been for my initial organizing, planning, and work. But now I find myself surrounded by multiple people that I don't want to spend a summer hanging out with and a coach who has carved a space out that I cannot remove him from.

I've done a good job keeping the majority of this from my DD but I am eff'ing done - which means my DD is to. I will hang in there thru mid-August and that's it. There is no way I can subject myself to this beyond this summer.

Any words of advice or wisdom - I am all ears.

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

Sounds like someone needs to call the waaahambulance

I'm kinda of same situation with my DD all star team. The manager is a mess right now with the team. However like me you just need to bite your lip and either wait it out or move on. Keep your self parked out in left field and watch the game

 

[RubberBiscuit]

Coming from an old guy who's been around many years of TB - the faster folks see that TB-A has a 30-50% implosion rate the better.

It's just the nature of the beast.

 

[marriard]

But how do you really feel...

If I was the coach I probably struggle to engage you effectively as well. Believe me, the "This person thinks I am a moron and wrong" vibe is coming through loud and clear. And I guarantee your daughter has picked up on it as well. And other parents. And other players - and opponents. So yeah, it is going to be uncomfortable because there is unresolved conflict going on and every one knows it.

We see this exact post on this board many times a year. We don't have the other view point (i.e. the coach) so there are two likely scenarios:

- Your post is absolutely true and the coach is struggling, the majority of parents agree and he gets replaced or most of the players leave and form a new team or scatter. If this is the case why hasn't it happened already? You have a 'few good men' holding it together - why can't they be the coaching staff?
- You have become 'that' parent on this team and haven't realized it yet. Next thing that happens is that you and your DD either leave now, leave after an inevitable big blow up or you last out the season being unhappy the whole time and are on a new team for the Fall. I hate to say this, but this is unfortunately the more likely scenario - even if you are right. I have been here in the past - I had philosophical differences with the coach and my DD was struggling with the environment - we left before it escalated to explosion level and it was best for all parties and we are all still friends (or at least civil to each other).

If you go through a lot of posts on this site from the coaches/team management point of view you will find that 95% of them would advise the coach to cut you (not your daughter by the way - though if you go she likely goes with you). Even if it is the coaches fault and he is a moron, this can't continue or it will rip the team apart.

This happens all the time in travel - especially at younger ages with inexperienced coaches and parents. RB is right - their is a lot of implosion and explosion of teams in TB.

My advice - leave now and find a new team or if you do have majority support either form a new team or get the coach replaced (effort led by someone in "the few good men" and not you because clearly you have had your conflicts already).

 

[FP26]

marriard makes some excellent points. I was also involved in a similar situation at one point. I won't get too involved in details, but there were a couple of differences. First of all, I was an assistant coach for this team. Secondly, many of the parents supported me. In fact, six families came to me at one point and asked me to take control of the team. They stated that between the 6 of them and me, we had 7 of the 11 families represented. I told them that I appreciated their confidence in me, but I was not interested in that type of power struggle. I never bad mouthed any of the other coaches and tried to be as supportive as I could. This occurred with approximately 2 months left in our travel ball schedule. I felt responsible for this group of core players and decided to stick out the 2 months. I just didn't feel right leaving them mid-season. If I was not an assistant coach, we definitely would have moved to a different team. The day after our last tournament I called the HC and told him we were moving to another team.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

It is very much possible that your coach has read this post by now.

 

[SCDad]

Focus on your DD's play. Is she playing enough? Is she playing at or near her preferred position? Is she trying to establish a relationship with the coaches? are the coaches doing the same with her?

These are the questions which need to be answered. A travel Dad must steer clear of any "negative" comments while at the ballfield, period. A parent is only to make bridges, create good will, especially to the specific questions above.

There will always ... I mean always ... times when your DD is batting a few spots lower in the line-up than the parent thinks. Gets subbed out when the parent does not think it is correct, or playing 2nd base when the parent wants her to play SS. Leave all of this alone. DO NOT CALL COACHES. All your efforts as a parent should be to build positive relationships with the adults around her to help facilitate a positive atmosphere for your DD. Over time, the coaches will want your DD and become a champion for her.

Unfortunately, your post falls well short of this bar. Change teams, whatever, but little will change for you until you change your outlook. It is not about you, but how well you can put on a happy face for the betterment of your DD as she tries to build softball relationships with the people, namely coaches, who can help her the most.

If, as a parent this has been done, and your DD still thinks she is getting the sort stick, then and only then, blame the coaches.

 

[sluggers]

Softball can teach life lessons to kids...

What are you teaching your DD? Are you teaching her, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"? Or are you teaching her, "When life give you lemons, sit around and pout and maybe the lemons will turn into strawberries."?

 

[#10]

What were the things shared with parents in the bleachers that is causing strife with families other than the HC? Knowing that would help in giving advice.

If the HC doesn't return texts and/or voice mails, he clearly doesn't respect you, and I admire your willingness to stick it out through summer. Get a comfy chair to sit in while watching from the outfield and find a new team the moment you think the time is right.

 

[pizza-boy01]

My DD's team is full of issues for me.

A coach who is, simply put, a moron that would ruin the program if it weren't for a few good men, including myself, helping to hold it together. The guy dislikes me and plays passive - aggressive games, such as not answering my phone calls, text messages, and generally not speaking to me at the games or practices unless I approach him directly. This has had a direct impact on how efficient and organized our Travel Ball program is viewed.

Now we've had our differences but I've put them to the side for the greater good of the girls and the program. I believe that he has said some things to a parent that I shared with him - in his typical passive-aggresive attempt to run me out of the program. This is now causing uneasy relationships for me in the bleachers.

This is a team that, without a doubt, would not exist had it not been for my initial organizing, planning, and work. But now I find myself surrounded by multiple people that I don't want to spend a summer hanging out with and a coach who has carved a space out that I cannot remove him from.

I've done a good job keeping the majority of this from my DD but I am eff'ing done - which means my DD is to. I will hang in there thru mid-August and that's it. There is no way I can subject myself to this beyond this summer.

Any words of advice or wisdom - I am all ears.

Re-read your OP; I think you've forgotten who this is supposed to be about. A comfy chair in the outfield is not a bad idea. I'm guessing the coach, the team, the parents, and probably your DD could use the break