There's No Crying in Baseball

[CoachChristine]

Both ds13 and dd7 are criers when they are mad at their own performance or if they feel the game went poorly. My "rule" is that they save their tears for the car. Ds was able to do this when he was 9 or 10. I'm still waiting for dd to get a handle on it. I tell them I only want to see tears on the field if they require emergency medical attention.

With that being said, other players tears when striking out don't bother me (8u rec). It shows me that they care. I think it's hard to teach competitiveness. I did take issue last year with a player standing at 3B crying because it was hot .

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Thank goodness, my DD was never a crier. I can't imagine what the little girl must be going through. Life is rough. This is softball.

 

[SBmom8992]

I had started a thread a month or so ago about my DD losing it on the mound during a game. No tears until she made it to the dugout, but upset nonetheless. Guero_gordo gave some great advice that its never to young to have your catcher talk a walk to the mound to chat with the pitcher. We've instilled that strategy a few times during the remainder of our season and sure enough the pitcher wound up laughing and settling down. Sometimes if they hear "it's ok, you'll get them next time" from their teammate, it can mean more to them than if it came from a coach.

 

[SBmom8992]

The only way these players associated "failure" on the field with crying is because their parents and coaches have made it so.

I don't think it's right to generalize. Parents and coaches typically get the blame for this and in some cases this is true. However, there are some kids who have high expectations of themselves, despite parents and coaches telling them that they don't have to carry the team on their shoulders. Whether they walked in the winning run (DD has been there, done that) or struck out with bases loaded, they instinctively immediately lose perspective. That's when I as a coach/parent take a knee, look her in the eye, and tell her that the game is bigger than that one play.

 

[seedamin]

I had started a thread a month or so ago about my DD losing it on the mound during a game. No tears until she made it to the dugout, but upset nonetheless. Guero_gordo gave some great advice that its never to young to have your catcher talk a walk to the mound to chat with the pitcher. We've instilled that strategy a few times during the remainder of our season and sure enough the pitcher wound up laughing and settling down. Sometimes if they hear "it's ok, you'll get them next time" from their teammate, it can mean more to them than if it came from a coach.

My DD is a catcher and been working with the same pitcher for a while now. She know when she is losing it and will walk out and chat about anything other than the game that is going on at the time. "Did you know my Dad farts in his sleep?", "This batter has a booger hanging out of her nose". Anything to ease their mind temporarily. The idea is to break their current emotional state and shift their focus to something other than the situation at hand for a moment. Then get her refocused on the game and ready to go.

 

[CoogansBluff]

The only way these players associated "failure" on the field with crying is because their parents and coaches have made it so.

I wouldn't go that far. I certainly agree w/ the value of role-modeling from parents and coaches, but kids are very capable of getting emotional over failures and frustrations that have nothing to do with what their parents have taught them. Parents can wreak havoc, but I believe a kid's desire to get a hit or perform well can come entirely from within.

As for crying, IMO, it is neither good nor bad. It's just an expression of emotion. Crying is a choice, and in the context of playing a sport, it often is not the best choice because it can bring down your performance and the mood of the team. But I stop short of having any rule that sends the message that it's wrong (as in 'bad') to cry. Crying is appropriate sometimes. It's just not usually a good strategy on the ballfield.

 

[gophert]

Wow, this thread definitely hits home for me. I coach a 10U girls TB team and yes we see lots of tears from time to time. I'm a man and I don't understand it, but it is what it is. My daughter is one of our pitchers and a solid pitcher at that, but she does wear her emotions on her sleeve. She is highly competitive and hates to lose and is usually a mess after a tough loss even though she may have pitched very good. This past weekend we were facing a very equal team that's had our number a few times. My daughter was pretty much dominating them from the circle. We were up 1 run and they were hitting in the last inning of a timed game. MY DD has struck out 2 batters and had a 1-1 count on this last girl. She floated an outside pitch across the middle and this girl took her yard over a short fence field. It was a great hit. My daughter looses it in the circle. I looked at her and told her to fight through it and finish what she started. She mowed the next girl down with 3 strikes in a row all while the tears were flowing. She ended up striking out 14 batters in 5 innings and we lost 5-4. It was her best performance in the circle to date.

Even at 10, we have no idea of the amount of pressure these girls put on themselves to win. I know my daughter feels like the losses are her fault, even with 14 strikeouts. I've tried to fix the crying, but I have come to realize they will just have to out grow it. Like Eric F said, I'd rather have one that cares than one that doesn't give a crap.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I guess girls cry for a different reason, than boys, then. Any boy that I coached at 10 to 12 years old was crying because his dad was pacing around, getting ready to jerk him around and chew him out.

Now, I even ask the girls, if they will be in trouble from their parents. But, I just don't coddle criers, so I almost never see crying even in an 8 yo. It is probably different, because I am a female and I can say "Are you hurt? No? Then, stop it."

 

[CoogansBluff]

I guess girls cry for a different reason, than boys, then. Any boy that I coached at 10 to 12 years old was crying because his dad was pacing around, getting ready to jerk him around and chew him out.

I remember playing 8U football some decades ago. Our team was 4-0, which was a great source of pride for us at school. Then the next game, we trailed 2-0 at halftime because we tried to run some trick play in the final seconds and our QB lost his shoe in the end zone and was tackled for a safety. I remember several players crying as we huddled in the grass at halftime because of that play and the fact that we'd never trailed and we didn't know how to handle it. I don't remember the coach telling us it was wrong to cry. He just said that the last play was his fault and that we were still going to win. And we did - 18-2.

IMO, that was a great response to crying. Coach didn't judge us for it. He just taught us a better response. Subtle but significant difference, IMO.

 

[rdbass]

My dad always said 'if I didn't stop crying he would give me a reason to cry'.