Spoiled Brat

[Amy in AZ.]

I would have taken my daughter home, too. That kind of attitude can ruin a good team, quickly.

Find out what was wrong, chances are it wasn't softball.

I remember every kid in the last 25 years, that made a butt of themselves. One was that long ago. He was 5 and laid down in the middle of a soccer field and threw a tantrum for 5 minutes. He obviously wasn't mature enough, to play a sport like that. I would have withdrawn him and tried again next year.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Also, this may or may not be significant, but in reading your original most, I kept thinking you were providing way too much info. All that detail just makes it sound like you're very hyper-vigilant to every move your daughter makes, on and off the field. I can be like that too. I know DD's up-to-the-minute stats for the tournament like you do. So not judging you. Just be careful not to let the frustration over her physical performance spill over into what happened in the dugout, which is a separate issue. We don't consciously do that as parents, but I think it does happen.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I saw a 12 yo, that looked 16, stand and pout at SS, this season - inning after inning. She did not move at all. I said "Who is that?" My friend said "Coach'd kid." I said "What is wrong with her?" Her dad had taken her phone away because she was seeing a 16 yo boy.

So, it could always be worse.

 

[NorthMS]

I would certainly deal with this at home (I would hope I could wait that long). I'd also contact the coach and tell him that he should correct any future instances. If he didn't feel comfortable doing so, don't get upset when I come to the dug out.

 

[ddtimes4]

This is the 1st year I haven't coached my daughter and other than loud cheering, I have only provided the coaches input when asked. In this situation, I'm asking coach to pull my DD. A clear message has to be sent on that. Crap happens, u have to get over it.

I think we have to train the girls how to work through difficult situations.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Getting mad at a kid and being stern and telling her she's a spoiled brat and pulling her out of the game isn't necessarily going to change how she feels about playing poorly. It's not going to make her happier for her team when they win despite her poor performance. It might only change how she looks and acts on the outside when those things happen. The goal is to change her perspective, beyond just, ''If I don't act happy, you'll be mad, so I'll act happy.'' She needs to understand why it's not appropriate. I remember when I was about 11 and thought I was a good basketball player because I could score. Team was bad. I would get visibly frustrated when teammates didn't get me the ball. After the game on the ride home, my mother calmly explained what I looked like on the floor and what my teammates and their parents were thinking. New perspective. I was embarrassed and never did that again.

 

[laker]

So, we've had our cooling down period. We were actually able to have a decent conversation about it all. I won't go into the details. But, we had a good talk. She's going to make an apology to her coaches and team at the next practice. It was her idea. I'm proud of that. Then I got to tell her about the three parts of a real apology.

1. I am sorry for x,y and z.
2. What I did was my fault, and nobody else.
3. What can I do to make it better?

Having only learned about humility and the value of a real apology late in my life, I hope she will take it to heart and embrace the opportunity she's got. I told her she could practice the words with me if she wants, but that she doesn't have to. Not many things in my life helped me more than making amends that needed making. I shared one of those instances with her. This is small potatoes compared to the apologies I had to make. She'll be fine.

Finally, I did tell her if it happens again, she's packing her things and done for the day. I also asked her to seek out a coach, a friend, or me next time so it wouldn't come to that. Told her it's OK to ask for help now and then, even if it's hard.

Thanks everyone for the advice.

Laker

 

[laker]

Laker's I don't know what you have to compare this apology to but it isn't small potatoes if this is her idea. It takes a lot of self reflection to take this step. I hope it all goes well.

The more I think about it, softball really is a good primer for "real life". We're hoping to make lemonade here. Hopefully, it'll end up being a great life lesson.

 

[Sparky Guy]

I've had criers in the past. What I would do is take them off to the side or outside the dugout away from the team. Then I would talk with them NOT to them. I would tell them there is no reason for crying. This is a game. Then I ask them if she could look her teammates in the eye and tell them she gave her teammates her best effort. If they say yes then I tell them I can't ask for anything more from them. I do let them know they will make mistakes and I can accept that. However, I will not accept anything less than their best effort.

I've had a couple answer no when I asked the question. Then I will put it in the context of the player owing her teammates her best effort because that's what they are giving her. I always try and frame the conversation as being part of the team and not about individuals. It seems to work well with the younger girls.

 

[Jr10234]

I'd rather see a kid crying from pressure over throwing helmets and bats, which i see every tourney. Come to think of it, maybe a first time seeing a winner cry from poor performance but hey at least she has passion!