- Apr 26, 2015
- 6
- 0
As I've posted information before that could be traced to my DD/school, I've created a new profile to protect her identity (just in case) but I want to share some information as I know there are a lot of people on here who's DD's want to play in college. Lots of heartbreak and anxiety in our family right now. DD is one of those people who tries to do everything the right way. She is a very good softball player but works hard for it everyday. She is not naturally "athletic" like some but instead was blessed with excellent hand/eye coordination and an unimaginable work ethic. She is a freshman this year on a top DII team. She thought this was her dream school. She thought she did everything "right." We started the recruiting process early, visited numerous schools, etc. She had a list of questions she asked every coach, she visited with professors in her area of interest at every school, we did lots of reading. She picked the school and coach that seemed to match her the best.
Now to the disappointment. DD has decided to ask the coach for a release and transfer next year. She feels completely out of place on the team. DD is not a partier. This team is comprised almost completely of young women who drink to excess any chance they get (along with a smattering of pot smoking). DD understands that there will be drinking in college, and we talked with her about the fact that some people will drink occasionally. She gets that, but this is way beyond regular college drinking- especially for athletes- in my opinion. I did my share of drinking in college, but not like this. DD says many of the girls are drinking vodka straight out of the bottle, blacking out, not remembering what happened etc. Only a few girls on the team have any interest in their school work. Most do only what they have to do to get by. DD is getting all A's and would like to have someone who even wants to go to the library to study occasionally (or go to a movie, or hang out and watch a movie- anything). And the saddest thing of all? The coach seems ignore it all. It's like a don't ask don't tell policy. He states rules but doesn't enforce them- as long as the team is winning (which they do) he doesn't seem to care what's going on- including in the academic arena. The only time he takes an interest is if someone is at risk of not being eligible. Players skip study hours, skip class, etc.
Certainly contributing to DD's wanting to transfer is that she is not getting a lot of playing time. As a freshman she gets that. However, she's looking ahead and thinking if she has to sit on the bench, she wants to at least do it for a team where she respects her fellow teammates. The one thing she really wanted out of college was to find some people who loved softball as much as her and with whom she could be good friends. These young women may love softball, but in my opinion they show very little respect for the sport or their coaches. And, all the time spent on softball leaves very little time to develop friendships outside the team- especially for an introvert.
So now we have to try find a new spot for DD. She really wants to keep playing softball and she has put in too much hard work not to pursue her dream. I'm hopeful that it will work out, but this has been a real blow to us all.
So my message to all of you helping your DD's find a place to play is this- ask questions, visit schools, talk to coaches, BUT also try to talk to people who know the program. Track down players/parents who left the team and find out why, talk to other players/parents you may know on the team etc. Find out how the team's GPA ranks with the other sports teams at the university (something we didn't do and DD found out this year the softball team ranks last among women's sports). One of the other freshmen- who is the most like DD- has already asked the coach for a release for pretty much the same reason as DD. One more week of regular season and then DD will have the hardest conversation of her young life. DD is handling things remarkably well. She has grown a lot personally dealing with these things away from home. That is a good thing, but it still breaks a parent's heart to watch your kid go through it.
There are lots of great stories out there from college athletes who made life long friends and loved every minute of being on a team. I hope we can find that for DD because she only has 3 years left to play the sport she loves.
Sorry for the long rant. Wanted to share our experience. Welcome to suggestions or glad to give pointers to anyone looking for them.
Now to the disappointment. DD has decided to ask the coach for a release and transfer next year. She feels completely out of place on the team. DD is not a partier. This team is comprised almost completely of young women who drink to excess any chance they get (along with a smattering of pot smoking). DD understands that there will be drinking in college, and we talked with her about the fact that some people will drink occasionally. She gets that, but this is way beyond regular college drinking- especially for athletes- in my opinion. I did my share of drinking in college, but not like this. DD says many of the girls are drinking vodka straight out of the bottle, blacking out, not remembering what happened etc. Only a few girls on the team have any interest in their school work. Most do only what they have to do to get by. DD is getting all A's and would like to have someone who even wants to go to the library to study occasionally (or go to a movie, or hang out and watch a movie- anything). And the saddest thing of all? The coach seems ignore it all. It's like a don't ask don't tell policy. He states rules but doesn't enforce them- as long as the team is winning (which they do) he doesn't seem to care what's going on- including in the academic arena. The only time he takes an interest is if someone is at risk of not being eligible. Players skip study hours, skip class, etc.
Certainly contributing to DD's wanting to transfer is that she is not getting a lot of playing time. As a freshman she gets that. However, she's looking ahead and thinking if she has to sit on the bench, she wants to at least do it for a team where she respects her fellow teammates. The one thing she really wanted out of college was to find some people who loved softball as much as her and with whom she could be good friends. These young women may love softball, but in my opinion they show very little respect for the sport or their coaches. And, all the time spent on softball leaves very little time to develop friendships outside the team- especially for an introvert.
So now we have to try find a new spot for DD. She really wants to keep playing softball and she has put in too much hard work not to pursue her dream. I'm hopeful that it will work out, but this has been a real blow to us all.
So my message to all of you helping your DD's find a place to play is this- ask questions, visit schools, talk to coaches, BUT also try to talk to people who know the program. Track down players/parents who left the team and find out why, talk to other players/parents you may know on the team etc. Find out how the team's GPA ranks with the other sports teams at the university (something we didn't do and DD found out this year the softball team ranks last among women's sports). One of the other freshmen- who is the most like DD- has already asked the coach for a release for pretty much the same reason as DD. One more week of regular season and then DD will have the hardest conversation of her young life. DD is handling things remarkably well. She has grown a lot personally dealing with these things away from home. That is a good thing, but it still breaks a parent's heart to watch your kid go through it.
There are lots of great stories out there from college athletes who made life long friends and loved every minute of being on a team. I hope we can find that for DD because she only has 3 years left to play the sport she loves.
Sorry for the long rant. Wanted to share our experience. Welcome to suggestions or glad to give pointers to anyone looking for them.