Not sure what to do! Swearing coach...

[JJS]

Okay so to answer some of your questions... The catcher has always had an attitude, she is a good player, but her attitude has gotten worse over the last few weeks. She would make comments at tournaments and some of the coaches from our team would tell her to watch herself as the players parents she was talking about were able to hear her. It has been a team thing that they deal with her attitude (she is the HC's daughter), so people tolerate it. It hasn't been this bad. She acts like a spoiled brat, and many girls on the team don't have to worry about playing with her as they play other positions away from her. The good news is she usually doesn't catch for my daughter as they have other catchers that she works well with. My daughter knows that on a team she is not going to like everyone she plays with, and that's okay. She does, however, have to play with her teammates regardless of whether or not they like each other. The catcher's behavior this weekend was the worst it has been. I have told my daughter that cooler heads prevail, that when the team gets back together she should continue to work hard to contribute, and that she can't control the actions and behaviors of others. This team has qualified for the World Series in July, so they need to get it together so they can play the best they can at Nationals. I don't feel like I or my daughter has sour grapes. She is very aware of the areas she needs to improve on and works to try to improve on them. I take nothing away from the talent of the girls on this team, they are very good players. My problem is the negative attitude that has started to develop over the last few weeks.. I don't want to see this team fall apart and I don't think its right for anyone (regardless of the circumstances) to use the f-bomb around kids. If that is sour grapes then I guess I have sour grapes after all...




In terms of hearing or reporting what was said, I never report or discuss something I didn't personally hear. I know enough that when dealing with kids lots of information can be miscommunicated. There was no doubt what was said and who it was said too.. Regarding a revolt, I am concerned that may happen, and that would be bad, as we started out in a good place. I make no excuses for my daughter - I try to have her own her behaviors and play, but I also try to tell her that she deserves respect.

Thanks for the clarification. If all is true, then you need to move on. The F bomb is bad enough, but I'd be more concerned with the attitudes coming from the coaches & catcher. It is really of no concern if the team qualified for the World Series or not. Do you really want to spend a week straight in a hotel room with these coaches and this kid?

I am still shocked that the catcher was doing what was said in a game. That would never fly with the umpires in our part of the country. The tournament directors are very big against bullying. She would have been talked to in between innings, then kicked out after another attempt at taking your DD ankles out.

 

[ScottyDont]

Yep. I would have left her shirt on the bench. No one slips and uses the F word, when referring to a 14 yo. I have never seen it. My husband wouldn't do that. I have never heard that word come out of his mouth. I think that the coach showed his real colors and I would wonder "What next?"

Your DD is going to remember that incident the rest of her life.

And she will remember how you handle it, as well. Don't be the first guy in her life that allows her to be abused by another man without standing up for her.

 

[NVfishing]

It's a team sport that takes a team effort to win and a teams lack of effort to lose. Losses should never be placed on one players shoulders.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I have to wonder what qualifications, the coaches have? Especially, the assistant coach. Is he first year? One of my "moms" was just made assistant coach. So, I know that many times, you just need someone that will help out and has the time to help out. Then, they can get a bit heady and start thinking they are the old time, popular HS coach.

Good luck to this young lady. Softball is supposed to be fun.

 

[JAD]

Me: "Coach, do you have a minute? Thanks!....if you ever use the F word again at, around or near my kid i will beat the living $..t out of you... in front of everyone and when they ask why I will make you tell them".

Last week our 12U pure team played the leagues 11U pure team. My DD is the youngest on our team and the 11U team wants her to play with them next year. During the game the 11 team's coaches were so over the top yelling at their players that it sealed the deal for me. No coach will yell at my kid while she's on the field in front of her peers. You want to blast her? Sure... just do it off the field and NEVER use language with my kid that I don't use.

Wow.....you may want to consider keeping your DD on a REC league team for the foreseeable future.

 

[GunnerShotgun]

Interesting that people are more offended by the swearing than the calling out of the player. The OP is even titled, "Not sure what to do! Swearing coach...".

Cursing isn't such a big deal, although you should never swear at a child.

 

[29dad]

Interesting that people are more offended by the swearing than the calling out of the player. The OP is even titled, "Not sure what to do! Swearing coach...".

Cursing isn't such a big deal, although you should never swear at a child.

Was about to post the same thing. Swearing is one thing. Not really my cup of tea but in the world of competitive sports it barely registers as a misdemeanor to me. But loudly swearing AT a 14 year old girl and blaming her for the loss?? Well as a former hockey player, now it's time to drop the gloves.

 

[Momo'sDad]

So - here's where I need your advice.... The assistant coach pulls the girls over to the outfield to talk to them, and promptly tells the team... and I quote..

"If we had a F'ing pitcher who could make the throw to first then we wouldn't have lost the game...."

The f-word is bad enough, but I'm even more concerned with the fact that he trashed her to her peers as if she wasn't even there. To me, that's far worse than saying to everyone "we've got to make good throws". She feels badly enough without having an inappropriate level of public shaming attached to it.

FWIW, I want the catcher returning the ball to the pitcher as quickly as possible, but again, I expect good throws.

 

[NoVA Softball]

Regarding the language: As a former sailor, I have a more than a passing familiarity with the F word, but in 8 years of coaching, it has not once crossed my lips in front of the kids I coach. That's inexcusable, even at 14U. To direct it at a specific player -who's still a child- is simply inconceivable to me.

Regarding calling out one play or one player as the reason for a loss: Also inexcusable, even when angry & disappointed (heck, even if it were true). Not sure whether that's worse than the cursing, but they're both pretty awful.

Worst of all, though, is a head coach who storms off in a huff after a tough loss and doesn't even talk to his team. Someone with that lack of emotional maturity is not someone I would put in a mentoring role for my children.

Now that a couple of days have passed and heads are hopefully cooler, I would go back to HC, and remind him of the words you say he preaches about respect and ask him what he intends to do about the AC's behavior. Depending on the answer, make your stay/go decision (and if other options are available, I would not be returning to this team next season). To be honest, I am shocked you haven't already received an email from the AC to the entire team apologizing. That to me speaks volumes already. As for the catcher issues... I am at a loss there -- normally I would say to approach an AC and ask them for some perspective.

Here's a final thought to put this in perspective: What do you think would happen if, in a team meeting, a player had said "If the F-ing base coach hadn't screwed up and sent that runner, we would have won!" I imagine that player would be benched for a good long while if not dismissed from the team. Now, why would an adult in a leadership position be held to a LESSER standard?

 

[guero_gordo]

I'm a degenerate user of sailor talk, and not proud of it. I do try and mostly always succeed in keeping it clean around kids, but I don't pretend it's acceptable when I slip up.

That said, here's an adjective free version:
"If we had a pitcher who could make the throw to first then we wouldn't have lost the game...."
.........IMHO it's no more acceptable.