Not sure what to do! Swearing coach...

[pitchermom2717]

Hello - this is my first posting here and I could use some advice from other softball parents... My daughter plays travel softball for a 14U team that for the most part she has loved playing for... She is the number 2 pitcher and does a pretty good job most of the time.. Sometimes she is really on and sometimes she is off... We are realistic about her talent level. She works with a pitching and batting coach, practices on her own at least 5 days a week and plays rec and all-stars during the week to get ready get for travel. She reads books and tries to watch every softball video she can get her hands on to improve her game.

Here's the scenario: The assistant's coaches daughter also pitches (she is the number 1) deserving of such as she is an all around good kid and plays great softball. The catcher is the managers daughter and she is a good player with a poor attitude. My daughter is new to this team this year and we live the furthest away from the team. We make a point of being early to practice and to attend every event required.

Anyway, this week's tournament comes around the number one pitcher gets hurt the first couple innings of game one. My daughter and another pitcher (who is young and still developing) pitch the entire weekend... Which is great! Until our last game on Sunday. My daughter started with the coaches daughter catching and right off the bat you knew the catcher was out for her...being mean (she would throw the ball as hard as she could back to my daughter and many times at her ankles) it was obvious to everyone she was trying to hurt my daughter. Despite this, my daughter threw a no-hitter for almost 5 innings of the game with no one getting on base. She got a hit and struck out offensively. The bottom of the 5th in a rainstorm the other team made adjustments and earned one hit. My daughter walked two but then struck out the next batter, the next batter hit a hard line drive that bounced off her glove and she had a bad throw to first, that caused runners to advance. I am in no way making excuses for her, she made an error.... Next batter hits about 5 foul balls into deep left field... The last pitch she hit a huge hit that was playable by the left fielder. The left fielder was asleep and didn't make the play until it was too late, she overthrew the cut off and more errors ensued. They took my daughter out and replaced her with said outfielder who is the weaker (younger) pitcher. My daughter and this girl get along great.. My daughter told her to go getem and she was very positive of the other pitcher. This young pitcher walked five straight batters and when we finally got out of the inning the damage was done. We had very few hits that game and we lost...

So - here's where I need your advice.... The assistant coach pulls the girls over to the outfield to talk to them, and promptly tells the team... and I quote..

"If we had a F'ing pitcher who could make the throw to first then we wouldn't have lost the game...." He told my daughter using the f-bomb that it was her fault because she made one throwing error to first.... He was swearing so loudly at the girls (my kid in particular) the other team could hear him. The head coach meanwhile took his bucket of balls and stormed off mad and never said anything. If you ask me that was childish...

This behavior from both of these coaches is so not like them, they are always preaching about playing the game with respect, respect for each other, respect for opponent etc...They play the game this way, our girls have in the past received praise for how they play and how respectful they were.. They ask all parents to sign a code of conduct and everyone gets along for the most part. One problem is we haven't practiced in the last few months (excuse is because the girls are playing school ball) and based on the discussions it doesn't look like there will be practice till the next tournament in two weeks. I feel as if I am the only one who has a problem with not practicing AT ALL... The girls need to play together to win together... When we played indoor tournaments and we practiced every week we were unstoppable... My daughter has pitched a no-hitter and shared a no-hitter with the Number 1 pitcher.. We have a good group of girls that up until this point played well together and got along. The coaches daughter (catcher) all of a sudden has started to become very mean and has alienated a bunch of the team...

I am perplexed on what to do... I understand that everyone is frustrated and I get that, but using the f-bomb with kids in a group setting is unacceptable. What floors me is there were 6 errors made and very little offense yet it's my daughter's fault for losing??? She accepts her part in making an error but I am not sure if I should talk to the coach about the disrespect that has now started to spill over onto the team as well. I don't want to be "that parent" but at the same time it is not acceptable to swear and act that way as a coach. They are supposed to be role models.. It is now a very strained relationship. I don't want to make it worse but I also know it needs to be addressed.

Any advice is appreciated...

 

[marriard]

24 hour cool down to gather your thoughts and then a private conversation with the coaches on how unacceptable you found this. A 'Please explain' is really all you are asking for - which after cooling off hopefully they are now regretting their actions. Or maybe they are not - time to find out...

Then if it is truly believe it is an isolated incident you give them another chance... if not, you move on.

 

[Cannonball]

The cursing is not acceptable and to blame one child for a loss is even more unacceptable. I'd find another team. It is obvious that this is not the team for her unless you want to accept this a normal behavior because I doubt that this will change. Perhaps you might talk to the HC and ask if he agrees that your team doesn't have a pitcher when your dd pitches and if so, is it time to look around. I'd let him know that you won't stand for your dd being accused of losing a game. Hey, if they say take a hike, how much have you lost? Do you want your dd being cussed out all the time?

 

[djcarter1966]

Depends on you and your DD. If you have never heard this coach curse before, I might just ask them next week (after everything has cooled off), while you understand it was a tough loss and your DD contributed to the loss, "is it really necessary to curse out my DD?" thought we win and lose as a team? (a personal apology from the offending coach would be nice as well) if on the other hand the coach cusses all the time I would say you knew what you were getting into. I only say this because you mentioned the girls were in school and I am assuming 16U or 18U, at 10U or 12U the coach would apologize to the team publicly as he resigned or I'd walk

 

[RetiredCoach]

This behavior is not acceptable. If this is a one time thing, maybe you can forgive it. If this is the "norm". Not good!

 

[PA SB Dad]

There are a few behaviors from a coach that crosses the line, and swearing at players is on my short list. I would speak to them as well, and if they are not adult enough to recognize what they did was uncalled for and downright wrong, you are losing nothing by moving on. There is no place for that kind of behavior in youth sports.

 

[GunnerShotgun]

If he has a habit of doing often it that's one thing. If he just let one slip than that's another.

I was thinking about the few that got passed me this weekend. They were never directed at a player and said under my breath so I doubt anyone heard them. With all of the talking coaches do things are going to slip occasionally.

They are just words, and in this case a poor choice of words, but if that's the worse thing my daughter is exposed too in travel ball I would be happy.

The fact that he singled out a player is the dumb part, not the F Bomb.

 

[NorthMS]

I'd probably be gone. Here's my thought process.

We should hold the coaches to a higher standard. Just like most believe the catcher that body checked 2 runners last week deserved some type of softball punishment, I would settle for no less than a one tournament suspension for the punk coach that thinks it's ok to cuss a child. This probably won't happen as his DD is the #1 pitcher.

This may be an isolated incident for the coach, but he should still be held responsible for his actions.

For nearly all things, the 24 hour cool down period is best used. I don't believe I would have waited one second if I heard this.

 

[BT3100]

Me: "Coach, do you have a minute? Thanks!....if you ever use the F word again at, around or near my kid i will beat the living $..t out of you... in front of everyone and when they ask why I will make you tell them".

Last week our 12U pure team played the leagues 11U pure team. My DD is the youngest on our team and the 11U team wants her to play with them next year. During the game the 11 team's coaches were so over the top yelling at their players that it sealed the deal for me. No coach will yell at my kid while she's on the field in front of her peers. You want to blast her? Sure... just do it off the field and NEVER use language with my kid that I don't use.

 

[BobInMadison]

A lot of this depends on if this is a one-time thing, or a recurring thing.

Even so, losing it one time can be bad.

There is another team in a different part of town. Part of a bigger organization (DD 3's team is unaffiliated). The two teams played each other 3 times last year. At one of those games, an AC really lost it. DD 3 had once played with his DD on a rec league team, and thought his DD was really nice. Other people who know that AC says he's usually really nice. He had a bad day, and took it out partly on some of his own players, and partly on DD 3. Ump threatened to eject that AC.

For whatever reason, that AC was not around the other times the teams played. All sorts of people told me what a great guy that AC is. Two players from DD 3's team jumped ship and joined the other organization. DD 3 couldn't get over dealing with a coach who was nasty to his own players, and to a player on the other team (DD 3) and stayed on her old team. Her old team may or may not collapse at the end of this season. DD 3 may be looking for another team, and that team may have already lost their chance to get DD 3.

Anyway, the 2 teams have not played each other this year. One tournament they were in the same pool, but rained out. Another tournament they were in different pools, and did not meet in the bracket. They are scheduled to play each other 9 AM on Saturday. DD 3 may be watching that team closely, to see how the coaches behave.