I just don't know why she just won't quit

[ASAVipers]

I can appreciate her not wanting to quit, but if she's "playing" for a Coach who plays pick up players over his permanent players, she's in a no win situation. If it were my Daughter we'd be going to find a team she could contribute on, if I were footing the bill.

 

[PA SB Dad]

There is a difference between quitting, and finding another situation that is a better fit. If you have a coach who is relying on guest players all the time, he will find himself without a team shortly anyway. Talk to your DD about continuing to work hard on her skills, and begin the process to find another team if this one is not working out. If you worked for a boss that was making you miserable, didn't appreciate your efforts, and gave you opportunities to prove yourself, wouldn't you look for another job?

 

[Crystol Owens Brown]

There is a difference between quitting, and finding another situation that is a better fit. If you have a coach who is relying on guest players all the time, he will find himself without a team shortly anyway. Talk to your DD about continuing to work hard on her skills, and begin the process to find another team if this one is not working out. If you worked for a boss that was making you miserable, didn't appreciate your efforts, and gave you opportunities to prove yourself, wouldn't you look for another job?

The team actually has enough players to play in tournaments without using guest players. I know a couple of the girls are leaving soon and from I am understand, the coach is hoping some of these guest players decide to join the team.... My daughter will be going to The Packaged Deal clinic next month to work on batting, infield and outfield skills. As a parent, I have to ask, "is she even good enough to play travel ball at this point?" In her mind, she is...she puts the practice, critiques herself after her JV games, keep notes on what she wants to improve on and watch softball videos on her own time. She says she does it because it is something she loves. Like you mention, why would you stay in a position that makes you feel unappreciated. She said because she wants to prove them wrong. SMH...I just don't get it.

 

[sluggers]

In her mind, she is...she puts the practice, critiques herself after her JV games, keep notes on what she wants to improve on and watch softball videos on her own time.

That isn't going to cut it.

To get better at batting, she has to swing the bat.
To get better at fielding, she has to practice fielding the ball.
To get better at throwing, she has to throw the ball.

She has to do all of this on her own time.

 

[Sparky Guy]

Crystol,

I wish every player I've coached in the past had the drive and motivation your DD does.

I've had parents ask me if their DD is talented enough to be a good pitcher. My response to them is to tell them it's not my decision. The decision is up to their DD. As long as players have the desire to pitch or play, I will coach them to the best of my ability. Your DD is old enough to know that on her own. Until that day comes, if ever, you need to be in her corner 150%. If you somehow push her into quitting she'll always wonder "What if?" if she doesn't walk away on her own terms.

If I remember correctly your DD came from playing rec ball to travel. If so, she is behind and it will take time and effort on her part to catch up to the other girls. It sounds like she understands that. I wish her the best in her efforts and hope she reaches her goals. I know from my experience it takes a full season to knock the rec ball mentality out of a lot of players.

Next year at tryouts try to find a team that is a better fit for her. Keep your eyes open during tournaments and make mental notes.

 

[marriard]

....

I've read a few of your threads and have suggested new teams and other ideas for your DD. I appreciate your DD wanting to succeed despite all the odds and what is a situation where her coach is a total jerk with guest players. I appreciate your DD being independent and having strong opinions about what she wants to do.

So now I am going to be way more harsh. Please don't take offense but I feel that using a stronger position and being blunt may help

Your DD doesn't have a chance with this team. There is no opportunity for her to have success. None. There is no possible scenario where the coach miraculously changes who he is or she somehow earns playing time. The absolute BEST case scenario is one day he decides to cut her or that the team completely falls apart.

So be a parent and get her into a better situation.

You can position it as getting the experience elsewhere to get to the level that this coach wants - which isn't going to happen by sitting on the bench watching players the coach wants to replace her with play in her place. In business people often say "Company X is the best 1st and 3rd job I have ever had" - in other words it was easier to move up in the company by going somewhere else for experience than trying to advance by staying within the company.

She isn't 'quitting' or being forced to quit or is in some way a failure - in fact she is giving more than 99% of kids give. Sometimes a life lesson is learning that some scenarios are dead ends and don't have positive outcomes and moving on is the right decision. Sometimes you as a parent have to deliver a message and overrule your child as you have the experience to do so in an area that she doesn't. Sometimes parents DO know what is best for their kid - and you know instinctively that this is not going to get better.

Nothing makes you better than playing time. Nothing is more enjoyable than playing. Your DD is putting the work in, you are supporting her with everything you do - but their is no reward for her on the horizon where she is.

 

[JJsqueeze]

Marriard nailed it. She needs to understand that quitting is when you give up on something when there is a valid reason not too. A good sign of a situation where you are not being a quitter is when the only reason you are doing something is to avoid being a quitter.

 

[BobInMadison]

I agree.

One of the biggest problems I have had in my life is never knowing when to give up and move on. That doesn't mean the OP's DD has the same problem, but it appears to be the case.

It may or may not be easy to change teams in the middle of a season. You might contact some other teams to see if they would want your DD on the team. Then go back to your daughter, and maybe put it in a way of saying, "It doesn't seem like your current coach is willing to give you a chance. This OTHER team seems to want to give you a chance. Maybe you should play with a team that appreciates you."

 

[CoachKevin]

I agree with everyone, she should seek a team where she is needed. On a side note, you mention guest players but didn't mention what positions. I have used guest players for certain positions, last year I had only 1 catcher, and she was going to be gone for a tournament, I used a guest player as a catcher and yes she played more than some of my regular players, not because she was better, she played a position that I needed.

 

[crd1998]

The bottom line here is that the coach has quit on your daughter, her leaving will not make her a quitter. If you have enough players to play the game and possibly a sub or two there is no reason the coach should be bringing in other players. I played a tournament this past winter with only 9 players, two of which were subs. The team went 3-1 against some good competition. We played a second tournament this winter with almost the same setup and went 2 and 1. To be terribly honest the coach does not value what you daughter can contribute to the team and or lacks the ability to see what she can contribute to the team. However frustrating it may be the best thing you can do is support whatever decision you daughter makes. I am in a similar situation at the moment with one of my daughters HS coaches. I told my daughter I support whatever decision she chooses, but here is all the information I know along with choices and possible outcomes. There is alot more the to the situation than I care to put out but my daughter is hurt by what has happened. Since there is only about 5 more weeks left to HS season, will most likely be 1 and done in regionals, I think she is staying.

On a brighter note I went with my daughter this weekend to a watch a college team play locally. The coach of this team has also been talking with my daughter about playing for them. This was a big plus for her during a miserable time. We had a snack of cheese burgers in the stands we brought back between games. It was nice weather and we laughed about meaningless things during the games. After the games my daughter stopped to chat with the coach for a little bit. Not once was the current situation on here HS team brought up. It was a good distraction for her and myself.


For a pitcher to get better they need mound time, there is no substitute for it.

Could your daughter find a team to sub on and pick up some playing time?