How do you deal with parents....

[all]

How do you deal with parents?? This is my first year coaching (8u) I've coached 12u, and 14u before. It seems like these parents are just never satisfied. First example, we have 3 pitchers (describing them this way for lack of better terms) a pretty good one, an ok one and one who doesn't need to be on the mound yet aka the not so good one. Our games are usually 2 maybe 3 innings. We rotate out pitchers since it's about more of the experience at this point. The first inning I usually put our good pitcher in, the next I put the ok and if we have a 3rd we put the not so good one in. The mom of the not so good one comes up before a game and asks if her daughter would be pitching. I told her I didn't know if we had 3 innings in the game I may but it depends on the game situation at the time if I put her daughter in our our good pitcher. She said ok she was just wondering if she needed to warm her up. Fast forward to the 3rd inning, I put our good pitcher in. The other team was hitting off the coach like crazy but were having trouble with our ace. It was a tight game (we were down by 1 and still had a bat left) so I didn't want to chance it. During the inning the not so good's dad said hey I need to speak with you. I told him hold on I'll talk to you after this inning. He began telling me how horrible I was for not putting his daughter in and all kind of other stuff. I just told him I'm sorry I did what I thought was best for the team. After the game he met me at my truck and cussed me out! I did talk to our athletic director and he had a meeting with the parents to say it wasn't acceptable. They then only sent their daughter to games only... no practices at all.


second case is this past weekend. We had 12 girls on our all star team. Obviously more than can play on the field so some kids have to rotate out and sit the bench. One parent was mad because in the season her daughter caught but now was in center field. Then she got mad because in her words " She did not travel an hour to have her daughter sit the bench and not play" she also came up and said "So what my daughter won't play today?" THIS KID PLAYED 4 OUT OF 6 INNINGS!!!!!!!!


So question is..... HOW do you deal with these parents?! They are NEVER satisfied!

 

[all]

oh and to top it off a friend of mine took a screen shot of her Facebook. Apparently after the game with the pitcher issue the mom put on facebook how horrible it was and that she had to calm her crying child down because she was so upset. She didn't understand how someone can tell a kid one thing but then do another. I NEVER SAID ANYTHING that said YOU WILL pitch....

Oh, and little tid bit of info: This girl has NEVER touched a glove or a ball until our first practice. She went to a pitching coach for 2 hrs and he showed her "everything she needed to know." Then went to another that broke it down for her better but they quit going.

 

[NVfishing]

I don't think it's possible to keep everyone happy (parents/players) when it comes to playing time and position. I have had a lot of coaches hand out parent player packages. It's an agreement between the parents, players, and coaches. They do this before the season to lay out some ground rules. Mostly to inform the parents that their behavior needs to be a certain way and that if there's a problem to discuss it after the game and away from others. Coaches usually include a cell number and email address. The package will also discuss player behavior and sportsmanship(parent sportsmanship should also be mentioned). It will also discuss a goal for the season/player/ team development. At 8U your going to have your hands full just trying to teach the basics. Good luck

 

[softballphreak]

First, you're to be commended for being a head coach. Second, very rarely is a coach fortunate enough to have all great parents.

I've been a head coach, but will never be one again. I'm a decent assistant I believe. I will support the head coach 100% or I won't assist.

The best advice I've heard is to make it clear at the beginning what your rules and expectations are. Let it be known it is your team, as the head coach. Give everyone the opportunity to walk away with no hard feelings at the beginning. Then, stand your ground.

You've got to have thick skin! It does make it easier when you believe in what you're doing. But never, ever, stop trying to be a better coach. There are many things other than softball fundamentals that need to be learned by the coaches—all the coaches.

Hang tough!

 

[Lisanice]

Remember that you are in charge! I am a mother of a 12u pitcher and trust me that I understand how some parents get what I call "pitching disease". Personally, I think you are trying to make all of these parents happy. That is a big mistake. This is competitive ball not a Rec League. On my team, the best pitcher plays. If you and your DD are not willing to pay for weekly pitching lessons, and throw 100 pitches a day, then the position of pitcher is not for them. Stop beating yourself up and show them who is boss. You can be kind, and firm as a coach. If these girls want to play High School ball they need to know that hard work pays off not their parents nagging their coach to death. Hang in there!

 

[quincy]

DD is 10 now and I miss 8U sometimes. Lot of the parents were very passionate which was both a good and a bad thing. Probably could have got into a couple fights if I wanted to, prefer not to have DD bail me out of jail on the way home from the game.

Someone here mentioned that parents get “better” as their children get older, and that has been my experience so far.

Hang in there, sounds like your AD has your back which isn’t always the case.

It is imposable to make everyone happy all you can do is define appropriate communication channels and listen.

 

[PEPPERS]

I suggest golf or fishing.

 

[quincy]

4 inning games, DD usually pitched 2 innings. Then played 3rd or 1st one inning and somewhere in the OF the other inning. Another parent was complaining to DW that DD was spending too much time in the OF and needed to be in the IF more. What? It is hard to figure some peoples logic.

I talked to DD about it. Told her she has 2 choices. Pitch 1 inning and do whatever the HC wants including sitting on the bench or not pitch and I would lobby the HC to play 2 innings at whatever position she liked best. Her answer was I want to pitch, let me pitch a little bit and I will do whatever else HC asks me to do.

Other parents were trying to cause a problem with DD were none existed.

1st game of the year DD was running late to the game so the pitching schedule was HC DD pitch the 1st and 3rd inning, my DD pitch the 2nd and 4th. HC’s DD allowed the run limit in the 1st; DD did not allow a run in the 2nd so HC rolled her back out for the 3rd inning. His DD was in tears because that was “her” inning and wanted to get back out there. Somehow we had a couple girls in tears over the course of the year, all about pitching. We stopped putting the proposed game plan up in the dugout.

Just rambling about 8U.

 

[SnocatzDad]

Goes with the territory of dealing with 7 and 8 year old that your really coaching the parent (who has more influence on them than you) at that age. By 14U you can start a season with the discussion with the kids about taking control of their own experience and that all conversations should be between player and coach not coach and players parents, that's not workable with most 7 year olds.

Like it or not part of your job at that age level is to instruct the parents on how to raise a good competitor / teammate / coachable athlete in their child and getting buy in from the parents first and the kids second is what needs to happen. The chances you can make any progress with a kid if you and the parents aren't guiding in the same direction at that age is minimal. It's little things, "listen to your coach." "Keep fighting we will come back" "Cheer for your teammates" "You can do it" if that's not coming from the stands and instead you have "Why isn't sally pitching?" "That girl can't play SS." "Looks like were going to lose again" "forget what the coach told you, do what I showed you" it's a team problem not a one parent problem, those issue will bring the whole team down if not addressed.

 

[SoCalASABlue]

Some of the vilest, cruelest comments about players I've ever heard (as an umpire) came at 8U games.