Frustrating Dilemma Due to Softball Politics

[SBmom8992]

Knightsbridge - lol about your first comment. You're right that this is totally my issue My daughter is too oblivious to see that she's gotten the short end of the stick. And I'm not foolish enough to say any of this to other parents or to anyone other than my husband. My neighbor is the 12u travel team coach and I didn't say anything to him. Can't afford to burn any bridges in the event we decide to stay in town for softball at a later point in time. I'm just really using this forum to vent out what many parents who have been down this same road have probably thought. Do they hope their DD gets a chance to prove the team that cut their deserving daughter wrong? I would bet nearly 100% of parents would say yes.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

I'm just really using this forum to vent out what many parents who have been down this same road have probably thought. Do they hope their DD gets a chance to prove the team that cut their deserving daughter wrong? I would bet nearly 100% of parents would say yes.

I have had parents actually tell me this on several occasions after I cut their DDs. Some of them with obvious disdain .... others in a very friendly manner with the hope that DD will make the team next year.

Everything from "The Unicorns offered her a spot and she's going to take it. I hope we play you so we can kick your #$%@#$% rear! She is going to beat you and your little #$%@#$% #$%@#$% and prove you wrong, you SOB!" to, "Thank you for letting her try out. Now that she knows why she didn't make the team, she has said that she is going to work harder than ever before to get better at those things and that she fully plans on making your team next year. She won't rest until she wears that uniform and proves to herself that she can do it."

I have no beef with folks who want to prove me wrong. I am actually kind of glad when they do because it means the girl is loving softball, getting better and playing well.

 

[knightsb]

Knightsbridge - lol about your first comment. You're right that this is totally my issue.

SBmom, I was not trying to be mean. The point I was trying to make is make sure you realize how you may be perceived by the other parents and coaches, in both your verbal and non-verbal communication. There are coaches/teams that opt out of taking really good players because they believe the parent(s) will not be a good fit, for whatever reasons. This is just a forum, but the way I first read some of your comments was off-putting. I realize you are coming her to vent, I totally understand.

One thing I have taken from this forum over the years is to be able to put the game of softball and the minutia that goes with in into better perspective.

I do believe your DD will do good in comp ball based upon your description and I do hope she gets a chance to show the coaches they made a big mistake by passing on her.

 

[SBmom8992]

Thanks Knightb - I know you meant well by your comments and all of these comments are really helpful to put things in perspective. But I really was laughing because you ARE right that this is more about me than my DD. I didn't take offense or think you're being mean.

At the try outs, I was a spectator and spoke only with the other moms there and not about anything having to do with softball. I didn't know or speak to any of the "raters" who i was told were to be neutral parties to ensure a fair team selection. The team coaches were there observing but not rating and since I didn't know them nor did they introduce themselves to any of the parents I didn't have any interaction with them. They were on the field the entire time so no opportunity to meet them.

 

[fastpitch]

I didn't want to put her on a club team yet because i feel she needs pitching experience with the windmill facing live batters without the pressure of a club team at this point. Assuming she does well, should I have her play for the town team in the fall when all girls who sign up play (no tryouts due to many of the spring travel players doing a different fall sport) or have her tryout only for club? In a way, I'd love for her to play for the town team so they could see what they were missing out on this year and kick themselves in the butt for cutting her (I realize this is very selfish and childish). This would also prove to her peers that she is as good or better than they are.

Just read through this thread.

SBmom8992 - nothing wrong with having her play fall to get some innings in. If it happens to make others feel stupid for missing out on her, then so be it. either way, she is lucky to have a supporting parent. I always say, behind every great pitcher/player there is a crazy parent. good luck! welcome to the forum!

 

[cavu2you]

SBmom8992,

I've been where you are now. At the time it feels very unfair/political. Looking back it was only, maybe, a little unfair (it's always political). As an ex-athlete, especially in the same sport, you see thing differently. Even without the mom glasses, your perception is different than the other parents/coaches. Your situation may not be exactly like mine, but the situation has similarities.

Looking back I can now admit that my daughter was an average/average+ player for the first 4 years she played. She wasn't extremely athletic, not a game changer, not a leader - but she was a solid player that I didn't think got the breaks she deserved. I saw her potential, her drive, her ability way before anyone else did - both because I was her parent, and because I knew what skills would be important as an older player. She always had great potential, but it was just that - potential. The coaches were doing what was right for them/their team at that point in time (maybe sometimes what was easier, but even that was still right for them).

Your comments about those coaches "seeing what they are missing" really hit home. I've had that thought many times in the last 5 years as my daughter plays against (sometimes with) many of the same All-Star girls from her youth. My daughter is now all the things she wasn't then. It just took some time, and a huge amount of effort on my daughters part, to get to the level she plays at now. The thing is, the people I wanted "proven wrong" don't usually recognize her. They didn't really notice her back then, don't remember her, and frankly they don't care now - it was only important to me and my daughter (mostly me). It's amazing to me how much empathy I have for some of the parents that I so wanted proven wrong. For many of their daughters the 8-12 age was the pinnacle of their softball. They are now the parents hoping their daughter can make the team, that she'll get playing time.

So hang in there, enjoy the time with your daughter. If she enjoys softball and works hard at her skills I'm sure she'll catch up with the potential you see in her. Once she gets there, the others will notice what you've always assumed was so obvious.

 

[mike s]

Hang in there SBmom. Remember softball is a marathon not a sprint so just keep working with your DD and keep it fun. Many of the current players will be gone before they are 14 due to loss of interest, too much parental pressure etc... As far as the fall season, what does she want to do?

Cavu2you nice first post and welcome to the land of the crazies.

 

[SBmom8992]

Thanks cavu2you and mike s for your comments. Cavu2you - your post really hit home. I feel like you get where I'm coming from and that's incredibly comforting. Your perspective is valuable and holds some good lessons learned. Thanks again.