Frustrating Dilemma Due to Softball Politics

[SBmom8992]

Thanks to Amy, Coach James, NV, and YO for your insight and great advice. Amy - regarding your comment about parents being an issue, I'd like to clarify that for my particular situation I've been a low profile parent, cheering on my DD's entire team, but not getting involved previously as a coach or complaining to the league about their disorganization.

It appears to me that if your child is a one-sport player and you're not part of the "sports in-crowd", your child is at a disadvantage. I just can't see how the team was selected based solely on ability. It appears on the surface that when it comes to in town sports at a young age it's about who you know. If anything, I haven't been "involved enough" to get her a spot on the travel team. I'd rather her be on the team for her ability rather than because the coach was doing me a favor.

 

[mogsoftball]

this town team thing sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Joe Moneybags has 2 girls that want to play, you can't turn away his daughters, Bill Popular's family has been a town institution for generations, you can't turn down his daughter, etc. Breeding ground for drama and favoritism.

Not that there isn't any drama in travelball, there is plenty, but that normally isn't part of it. Travel teams tend to have girls from so many different areas that the importance of a family name in a particular town doesn't come into play.

We have 10 girls on our rooster. They come from 8 different towns

 

[RetiredCoach]

I have felt (and feel) your pain. When discussing players from our local organization last night at
a practice we couldn't, off the top of ours heads, determine whether a girl made the "A" or "B"
team because the decision was based more on politics than ability. However, as a result of their
political decision-making the 16U "B" team that I am coaching may be a better team than the
"A" team. We hope that we get to play them in a tournament this summer and find out.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

OK ... this is going to be a bit long but I am coming at this from a long-time coach's viewpoint and I think there are some things you are missing here. Please don't take any of this personally as I am not directing it at you as a person, only at your situation.

Let's play this like I am the coach of the team your DD didn't make. We'll say your DD's name is Maggie. Kaitlin was the little girl she was playing catch with.



Kaitlin has played for me for two years. She is #12 out of 12 on my depth chart. She plays one or two games a weekend, usually in RF but on occasion she gets to play 2B. She hustles and I know I can count on her to be backing up first base any time a throw goes there. She can also get down a bunt when we need it and though she isn't a very good hitter, she is patient at the plate and will take a walk when one is offered. She cheerfully warms up the outfielder on our side of the field between innings and she keeps a chart for me on where the other team's girls are hitting the ball. I absolutely adore her. However, I am also aware that she is my weakest player and I will upgrade if a significant chance presents itself. I want the team to be the best it can be!

Kaitlin's dad is a buddy of mine. He's originally from the Bay Area and a huge Oakland A's fan. He and I try to catch a game or two whenever the A's are in town to play the Angels. We also are part of a big group who tailgates and goes to the USC/UCLA game every year.

Kaitlin's mom is the nicest woman you'll ever know. She takes it upon herself to organize team lunches when we happen to have long breaks between tournament games. I know I never have to worry about the girls being fed and properly hydrated when she is around.

We recently held our tryouts and 14 girls turned out, 12 of which were returning players. I like to keep 12 on the roster.

One of the "other" girls decided this wasn't for her so that left just one other girl with a chance to make the team. Her name was Maggie. I wanted to give Maggie the fairest chance I knew how to make this team, so I purposely had her play catch with Kaitlin so I could watch the two together. Little Maggie was struggling to make the ball reach Kaitlin, who was only around 50' away. The ball often bounced before it got to Kaitlin, and she in turn started struggling to catch it. I felt sorry for her because Maggie was throwing so weakly. My 12 girls were pretty much selected before the tryout really got going based on that little catch session between my #12 player and her challenger.



Now that you have considered the scenario above, it probably isn't all that different than what you went through. I guess the bottom line for me as a coach is this:

Your DD purposely did not give 100% at a tryout, and you're upset with the coaches that she didn't make the team? Seriously?

It is a tryout. As such, she is essentially fighting for her softball life. For her to hold back because she thought the other girl couldn't catch the ball gave little Kaitlin the opportunity to take her spot. She did.

It is a tryout. Next time, have her throw the ball as hard as she can. If someone can't catch it, tough shirt! Make the other girls on the team notice. Make the other parents notice. Make the coaches notice and make them put her with someone who can. Make them all say, "Wow! Look at the arm on that kid!"

You don't supplant an incumbent by being their equal or even by being just a little bit better. It is even harder when that incumbent has deep family connections to the team. You need to stand out as the superior option. You need to leave that tryout knowing that Maggie is superior, and you need to leave that tryout knowing that everybody else knows that Maggie is superior. If you do that, Maggie will make the team and the coach will either cut Kaitlin or keep her on as a #13 due to his connections with her family.

Worry about politics after your DD has given her best effort, not before. By trying her hardest all the time, your DD will get to play where she belongs.

 

[JJsqueeze]

Softball is like life, you are going to have to either schmooze a little or outperform the schmoozers, it is that simple. No different than someone getting a promotion based on relationships rather than performance. Best bet, do both well Barring that then just navigate it as best you can and use each situation as a teaching lesson. Not making an all star team when she was first year 10u was the best thing that ever happened to my older daughter, she learned a little bout politics (board member that she is 10X better than made the team), she learned about making the best of opportunities (she missed a fly ball at the tryouts), she learned that when someone has a decision like this that you put them in a situation where if they don't choose you then they look incompetent. Basically make it a 90-10 decision not a 55-45 decision. It had a secondary effect of letting me know that if I leave it up to other people and assume talent wins out then I will be doing her a disservice, so the following year we moved to a different league for fallball since our league was not going to allow 10Us to play up in fall, she grew more in that fall season than I could have imagined because the other league was so much more competitive. Then she went on to travel ball, we still played rec this season because I wanted her to have one more season with her friends from the area, but after three more games she is full time TB.

This season she is one of the best three pitchers in our league, she has not struck out once at the plate, she has been requested to play all stars before tryouts (she declined and chose TB for the summer instead), and she is easily one of the top 3 all around players in the league. It is no longer a 50-50, she made it a 100-0. She would have never gone down this path if she had made that team two years ago. So roll with it. if you have a league close enough to you that is more competitive, I say go there and try it out in the fall.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

Softball is like life, you are going to have to either schmooze a little or outperform the schmoozers, it is that simple. No different than someone getting a promotion based on relationships rather than performance. Best bet, do both well Barring that then just navigate it as best you can and use each situation as a teaching lesson. Not making an all star team when she was first year 10u was the best thing that ever happened to my older daughter, she learned a little bout politics (board member that she is 10X better than made the team), she learned about making the best of opportunities (she missed a fly ball at the tryouts), she learned that when someone has a decision like this that you put them in a situation where if they don't choose you then they look incompetent. Basically make it a 90-10 decision not a 55-45 decision. It had a secondary effect of letting me know that if I leave it up to other people and assume talent wins out then I will be doing her a disservice, so the following year we moved to a different league for fallball since our league was not going to allow 10Us to play up in fall, she grew more in that fall season than I could have imagined because the other league was so much more competitive. Then she went on to travel ball, we still played rec this season because I wanted her to have one more season with her friends from the area, but after three more games she is full time TB.

This season she is one of the best three pitchers in our league, she has not struck out once at the plate, she has been requested to play all stars before tryouts (she declined and chose TB for the summer instead), and she is easily one of the top 3 all around players in the league. It is no longer a 50-50, she made it a 100-0. She would have never gone down this path if she had made that team two years ago. So roll with it. if you have a league close enough to you that is more competitive, I say go there and try it out in the fall.

Good post.

This is basically the same thing I was trying to say in mine (see bold, above).

As a coach, I'm highly likely to go with the 45 I know rather than the 55 I don't, unless I am really looking to replace the girl who is 45 for reasons other than performance. I think most coaches would do the same. Make it 90-10, and you're on the team, regardless of who it is you're replacing and what connections I have to them.

 

[SBmom8992]

Little Angels - great point regarding her not trying her hardest at the tryout. Honestly, it was her first tryout and I didn't prep her prior not to "play down" to anyone but to do her best regardless of the ability of her partner. It wasn't like she wasn't reaching the other girl, she just wasn't throwing at her full capability during warm ups. During the station where they hit grounders to SS with a throw to first, she was one of the 1/3 of the girls who could reach with accuracy. Mind you, there was an 12U girl catching at first as a helper during the tryouts. So, based on what I saw with my own two eyes and having 30+ years of softball playing under my belt to be able to tell talent from no talent, it had to be that because she had never played on the 8U travel team like some of the girls did and we're not a known family name in town that she didn't get any consideration for the team. So, it sounds like she would get a better chance for a fair tryout at the club level.

 

[SBmom8992]

Maybe I'm just out of touch, but I don't remember all of this drama / politics back when I played club. Every single one of the players belonged on the team and none of the coaches were related to the team members so no daddy / mommy ball.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

Maybe I'm just out of touch, but I don't remember all of this drama / politics back when I played club. Every single one of the players belonged on the team and none of the coaches were related to the team members so no daddy / mommy ball.

It is just different now. There are lots more teams to choose from and stuff like "B" and "C" ball (I am still not sure what "C" really means) have really cut the pie into much smaller pieces. You simply could not have all these options without parent coaches.

I have been on both sides of the aisle. I coached ASA Class A ball at 10U, 12U, 14U and 16U for 11 years without a relative on the teams. I am now in my third year coaching my own DD at the same level (10U and 12U so far) and I have seen all the changes first-hand. I know the differences and challenges that both ways present.

I am not saying you didn't see what you saw at your DD's tryout. I am saying that she may have got a fair shake, nevertheless. The coach may have been being fair .... we all think in "Kodak Moments" and perhaps all he saw was her holding back a bit. He may have seen that because he wanted to see it due to his emotional connections to the girls who have been on the team and to their families. I don't call that "unfair," I call it "being a normal human being."

We all look for things that validate our own comfort. It makes life easier for us. I do it. You do it. That coach does it. It isn't wrong. It's human nature.

I know you're frustrated and probably a bit upset that your DD didn't make the team, especially since you know she is better than some of those who did. I've cut hundreds of girls over the years (I cut 37 after my last tryout for my current team) and I make it a point to have a conversation with all the girls' families and to answer any questions they have, so I understand this frustration quite well. I also understand that I have made the wrong choices before and I have cut girls who ended up being better players (and people) than girls I've kept. I have even made those wrong choices when I had a very strong suspicion that I was about to do so, but "comfort" dictated that I go with the girl I knew rather than risk the changing team dynamics that go with a "new" girl.

One thing I have never done, however, is keep a girl when another girl was able to make it perfectly clear that she was better than her.

I would try out for that same team again. I'd tell your DD to go out and do her very best and to take no prisoners. Go out and own that tryout, then let the chips fall where they may. If she stands out, they will have to take her. There has to be at least a few sets of parents on that team who want their girls to be the best they can be and they will demand it.

 

[knightsb]

Welcome to the forum.

I am assisting coach to make sure all of the girls on the team get decent coaching on the fundamentals, which I have always seen as lacking with the daddy coaches who never played the sport and never went over the basics.

I'd love for her to play for the town team so they could see what they were missing out on this year and kick themselves in the butt for cutting her

This would also prove to her peers that she is as good or better than they are.

having 30+ years of softball playing under my belt to be able to tell talent from no talent...

it had to be that because she had never played on the 8U travel team like some of the girls did and we're not a known family name in town that she didn't get any consideration for the team.

Maybe the issue is not with your DD.

Within 4 months, she is pitching beautifully with decent speed and accuracy. She looks effortless.

I didn't want to put her on a club team yet because i feel she needs pitching experience with the windmill facing live batters without the pressure of a club team at this point.

Pool games are often times used by coaches to help players gain experience and confidence in new positions. If she is pitching with "decent speed and accuracy", she should do well.

She is playing rec this year again with girls way below her level

Every year she was selected to the all star team, even when she was one of the youngest players on the team. So, clearly she has some talent. She's one of the best hitters in the league and has a decent arm. She's one of the few kids that can catch behind the plate and throw out runners. Last year she played as a 3rd grader in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade rec team. They had no pitching so she stepped up and pitched - albeit underhand - but was able to get the ball over the plate with decent speed and accuracy. She was again selected as an all star for the league.

should I have her play for the town team in the fall when all girls who sign up play (no tryouts due to many of the spring travel players doing a different fall sport) or have her tryout only for club?

IMO, if the rec league girls are "way below her level", she should find a club team to play with.

Maybe I'm just out of touch, but I don't remember all of this drama / politics back when I played club. Every single one of the players belonged on the team and none of the coaches were related to the team members so no daddy / mommy ball.

In our region, there would be very few teams if daddies and mommies weren't coaching. I can only think of a handful of teams where the coaches do not have a child playing on the team.