Discouraged after losing

[BobInMadison]

Losing can be discouraging. It was one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, reason why my DD 1 quit softball.

Let's look at her freshman year of HS.

In the fall she was on a 14u fall ball team run by the local LL. They lost every game. One time I had to talk her out of quitting in the middle of a double header.
She was also on a 16u TB team where she was the ONLY freshman and felt over her head. They played in a fall tourney, lost both pool games and the bracket was rained out. They probably could've gotten 3rd in that tourney, but we will never know.

So, DD 1 quit softball after that. She was persuaded to play on her school's freshman team, and she led the team in hits, HR and SB, all by a big margin. She once got 7 or 8 SB in one game. But, the team lost all but two games. Some were embarrassing blowouts. Others were close games where they gave up a lead. One of the last games I saw was a close one with some very bad calls by the refs that probably cost them the game; extremely discouraging in a season with only two wins, and they had lost two close ones to this same team earlier in the season.

All I know is softball wasn't fun for DD 1 anymore. So she stopped playing.

Losing a tough game is discouraging. But, you have 8 wins. DD 1 played for 3 teams and had a total of 2 wins.

I don't know what to say. A lot of people who race look at their individual results. I remember after DS stopped running track, I still took him to a few summer meets. He was last place every time (sometimes he got a second place ribbon or medal bc only two runners) but he was happy as a clam because every race he got a PR (personal record). My DD 2 and 3 are a little below average in Cross Country, but they get a PR almost every meet, which makes them happy. They are both about 4 minutes faster on the 5k race than they were a month ago. DD 3 might end up the season above average.

If losing is discouraging you, maybe you can focus on your own personal goals. Did you hit well, run well, field well and throw well? Are you improving? If the answers to most or all questions are yes, you had a great game no matter what the score.

 

[Eric F]

One of the marks of a true winner is how they handle losing.

Control what you can control. In this case, that's your own game. Did you give your best effort? I'm guessing you probably did. You made an error. So what? It happens to grown men getting paid millions of dollars to play a very similar game. If you can minimize the chances of the error happening again with some additional work on that issue, then shut up and get to work. The OF fence was higher than most fields? There's not one thing you can do about that. Everyone on the field - you, your team, the other team - are playing under the same conditions. Deal with it.

 

[softgabby]

You lost 11-9 in 8 innings. That suggests a pretty good match-up of two fairly even teams that both fought hard, probably both teams had to come back at some point, probably both made mistakes, probably both had some big hits. My guess is that you are used to coming out on top in games like those...and lately it seems like your not. First, remember you can only control your attitude and effort, your dedication and hard work...you can't control the other team...their desire, their talent. Give them some credit, you both fought very hard and they came out on top. As you get older teams get more resilient, they've been there before...so have you...they're not going to quit...neither are you. Work on an attitude that you (as a team) are never going to quit, never going to back down from anyone, never going to take your foot off the gas. When you get the big hit in the 5th and take a 2 run lead, it ain't over anymore...the other team is going to keep fighting and you can't control that. Control your mindset...how you approach that game, how you approach that inning. How do you communicate as a team? When things get tough are you yelling at each other, do some expect success, do some expect failure? Try to step back and think about the whole group. You need everyone on board. Some players will be motivated by the challenge, some will be motivated by yelling...some will get anxious and play scared. Try to focus on having real confidence that you will pull it out, that your teammates can do it, support each other through the successes and the failures. It's a game of mistakes and failures...if you get down on yourself or your teammates when things go poorly, how will you or your teammates react the next time your in that situation? Afraid of failing or expecting to succeed? Momentum can swing quickly...trust in what you are doing, believe you are going to come out on top. Respect your opponent...you can't quit, you can't let up.

Thank you for replying SB45. Your right. It was a battle between two evenly matched teams. We both played hard and no one has anything to be ashamed of. Mistakes were made on both sides. On my error, I have no one to blame but myself for messing up. I rushed my throw thinking the runner was going to get there before she did. And on the one where the second baseman overthrew me, her throw was just by me and I really should have caught that ball and having to go and retrieve the ball caused another runner to score. All we have to do is have a short memory and get past this bump in the road. Your right to in I'm used to winning games like these...and it makes it harder when you do lose a game like this when your used to winning them. I am working on my attitude and just trying to work on everything I can control and just letting the chips fall where they may. It's something I should have mentioned in my original post...but we've been on a bit of a losing streak. We've lost 4 straight games. Granted we've lost the majority of those to really good teams and two of those were blowouts. But this one to me just felt winnable to me. But they did play really well and I have to accept that now I'm playing against better players. But I'm still proud of my 3 of 5 effort.

 

[softgabby]

Don't be discouraged...it does sound cliche but you can't win them all...really. It is OK to be frustrated or disappointed you should not accept losing and you should strive to win

Just look in the mirror know you did your best, you came out on top in one game just a little short in another..now just squeeze in some time for a shower, dinner and homework get a good night sleep and do you best again tomorrow.

It really is hard to see right now but even the loses teach us something even if it is you can play well do you best and still come up short...now what defines your character is what do you do about it...hopefully you don't get down on yourself or your team and go out and try your hardest again next time.

Thank you for your reply DJ. I do know we won't win every game we play. I would love to win every time we take the field to play. But that's an impossible expectation. I did what you said and looked myself in the mirror and I know I played to the best of my ability. We play the same team again Friday afternoon on a neutral site. Maybe things will be different this time around...if we don't get rained out that is.

 

[softgabby]

I want to thank you guys that replied to my post. Sometimes after a tough loss like that, I get down on myself and sometimes I need a little tough love and someone to hit me between the eyes with the cold hard truth that hey you aren't going to win every time you play. Just control what you can and let the chips fall where they may. I should have mentioned in my initial post that were riding a 4 game losing streak and that 2 of them were blowout losses. I did learn from this loss and I'm going to apply these lessons for the next time we take the field and I have to realize that I'm now playing big girl softball and not high school softball where it's a mix of ages and capabilities and where some teams if you push them enough will fold up like a paper tent and go home. That there are teams now that will stand up and fight in he face of adversity.

 

[BobInMadison]

We really like having you on DFP.
Sometimes it is easier to deal with a teenager who isn't one's own kid. We can be more objective.

 

[Eric F]

We really like having you on DFP.
Sometimes it is easier to deal with a teenager who isn't one's own kid. We can be more objective.

I second this!

Gabby - Your presence and input is a bonus to DFP, and offers a perspective on the game that I would enjoy seeing more of from players like yourself.

 

[cvsoftball]

and/or. get over it and get better. get better or get beat again. out of difficulty comes opportunity. best wishes to you.

 

[softgabby]

We really like having you on DFP.
Sometimes it is easier to deal with a teenager who isn't one's own kid. We can be more objective.

Thank you so much for your kind words Bob. I think as teens, sometimes we tune out the advice of our parents even though we know that they mean well and are looking out for our best interests. We sometimes have to seek out the counsel of others. Like my venting on here about our loss Tuesday. Besides, I'm not leaving here and I'm not leaving softball anytime soon.

 

[softgabby]

I second this!

Gabby - Your presence and input is a bonus to DFP, and offers a perspective on the game that I would enjoy seeing more of from players like yourself.

Thank you so much for your kind words, Eric. I'm not planning on going anywhere. I'll still be lurking on these boards and giving my input whereever I can. I do enjoy giving my opinions and insights from the perspective of a player. Of one in the trenches if you will. You are one of the people who's advice really helped me when I transitioned from pitching to catching. Along with the other great people on here who have catcher beasts for daughters. Thank you for being there and lurking on this board ready to give a helpful piece of advice.