Dedication to sb - good/bad? - or just a choice?

[KCPRK]

Ive done both sides of this equation. Started out as casual ball-rec and even some C level. The goal was for DD to find something she loved that I can use as a means to spend time with her. We tried dancing, MMA (I was a fighter/shodan), softball etc etc.

One day she said "Dad I like softball but Im tired of the other girls not taking it serious" So began A ball.

Now we are all in because DD chose to be. The first 2 years I helped how I could. Once I knew for sure she was all in I let my nature take over and went all in. Started a club, traveled to obtain coaching lessons/degrees, quit all my personal hobbies and sports and started living at the ball fields.

I love it. I never had this kind of relationship with my mom or dad like I have with my kids. Being I know what a life without parents is like and what a life with parents is like I choose a life where parents and kids have a common goal and work together.

I LOVE MY OCD SOFTBALL LIFE BECAUSE I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY KIDS THAT I NEVER GOT. Its that simple.

So I am by choice an A TB parent, coach and fan. We all have our reasons.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

........... and nothing great is easy.

What a great share JJ - thx.

 

[spleen1015]

I love it. I never had this kind of relationship with my mom or dad like I have with my kids. Being I know what a life without parents is like and what a life with parents is like I choose a life where parents and kids have a common goal and work together.

I LOVE MY OCD SOFTBALL LIFE BECAUSE I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY KIDS THAT I NEVER GOT. Its that simple.

This is a huge part of it for me too. I don't want DD to look back at her childhood like I do and feel like she missed out on a lot.

 

[JJsqueeze]

So, the reason I'm torn is because being "dedicated" in the TB world is to really have no time for other interests. I'm not sure that's healthy for anyone .... We'd love to be dedicated to softball in a way that allows us to have other interests as well..

I think this is the point of dedication....if you are dedicated to something then you don't care about other things because your priorities have shifted. That is what dedicated means. But it is a personal choice, you can't fake dedication, either you want to do the thing or you don't. A parent can't make a kid dedicated.

You still have time to do other things, you just don't have as much time.

I can't even fathom how dedication to one thing is in any way unhealthy.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

I am so torn about this. My DD loves softball. We love softball. But we love to be able to mow our lawn on occasion or spend time in our pool on the weekend and we love going to our church on Sunday and going to a movie or hang out with friends, travel, museums, participate in other sports, etc.

The softball choices in our area are either TB or school ball. There is no rec program and even the B-level is a tournament nearly every weekend. My DD has said TB is too much softball and school ball isn't enough. There is no happy balance we can achieve.

So, the reason I'm torn is because being "dedicated" in the TB world is to really have no time for other interests. I'm not sure that's healthy for anyone but I don't begrudge people who make that choice. Sometimes I long for being at the field and wish my DD was choosing it and other times I'm grateful she's not. We'd love to be dedicated to softball in a way that allows us to have other interests as well. Maybe this isn't pure enough dedication to the sport? I don't know, I don't think it makes her an underachiever or non-dedicated. I understand how some characterize the TB life as an obsession. But really, it's your life, choose your own path.

There are dedications that can take all your time away and there are dedications that have a lesser demand of your overall time. Neither one necessarily better or worse as long as the effort and passion ya pour in is for the most part equivalent (where you are able to see how far or high you can get in that dedication - goals).

If the TB-A sb life is a dedication that takes too much time then find something else. I just (as I see others here) suggest go find another venue to "dedicate".

I fell in love with golf one time. Then I stepped back and saw that it was taking me away from my family for way too long of an overall time. So I chose something else. BUT I feel pride in those times where I swung the golf club so much I seperated the cartilage inbetween my ribs... No "would have/should have/could have's" EVEN with choosing to find another obsession that would give me more time with my family.

So I submit there's no harm in deciding and leaving a dedication BUT have another in its wings..... Your specific situation falls under the category of I believe one of life's most important learnings => Nothing is ever perfect,....it always has tradeoffs,....but always strive for it.

 

[chinamigarden]

Here in DFP we, as any group of like-interest folks, have our own culture. I want to take a second and challenge this group on something. I am NOT trying to call to attention “others” faults cuz gee-wizz I have mine. But maybe this thread can induce some critical thinking about what you might respond with the next time you get ready to hit “Submit”. (I will try and respect this too)

I like to sit back at times (especially when work is slow - as I disappear when I am in my busy months) and reflect on the mode of responses made here. (Sorry - I am an engineer at heart and schooling)....

One thing that I see that does not sit too well with me is the "slant" I see in here to overly criticize the choice to be and support the dedicated TB-A life.

Do I see the “dedicated” folks in DFP make subtle comments against the non-dedicated sb life? I don’t think so.

DFP-ers that will make comments like “if you’re a dedicated sb family you have lost your soul” or “if you’re a dedicated sb family you have no balance in your life”.

What is at the base of these types of denigrating comments?, ….albeit most are casual blows almost made from a perspective that this is some sort of common knowledge from their perspective.

I also wonder if some of you that will talk down dedication towards sb are yourselves just as deeply dedicated (yourself & family) to some other “thing”…? I hope not because that would mean you’re being a hypocrite.

Then to those who think that dedication to one thing is somehow “bad” – How is doing allot of different things and being great at nothing better? I would WHOLEHEARTEDLY submit the opposite. In fact avoiding dedication I BELIEVE is a very bad thing in life.

Maybe you don't see the digs at those who are not "dedicated" because either they are not aimed at you, or you see them as facts instead of digs. Your word choice of dedicated could be seen as a dig by someone whose dd has a wide and varied life full of other interests.

I see it all the time in here, how girls at 14, 15 or 16 are short changing their team mates by playing other sports. I see how if I don't maximize my dds potential by signing her up for lessons she doesn't want I am hurting her development. I couldn't count on both hands the number of posts I perceived as negative when someone has pointed out to me that my dds involvement in HS volleyball and basketball were less then important because she doesn't play TB 10 months of the year. And I laugh at those who imply to its impossible for my dd to have success if I don't make her conform to the party line of paying the equivalent of a house payment every month toward team and lessons.

I am hugely proud of my dds choices to play 3 varsity sports and to not play 150 TB games a year. I love the fact that on Monday she will be front and center playing a saxaphone solo in the middle of her HS festival band competition. Not a solo contest but the whole band is there playing and out of the 100 kids, for the second year in a row she has the long solo.

I wouldn't ask her to give up what she enjoys because someone else thinks there is a better way. But on the other hand, I wouldn't tell you that your dd should play an instrument or pick up a basketball, or run track... If she is happy, then you are doing something right. But I wouldn't say your way was the only right way, and neither is mine. Everyone is different and has different needs. Different strokes for different folks.

But to sum up, yes some people think the A ball mentality is nutty, and they express it. But on the other hand there have been people on here who can't say hello without pointing out that their dd plays 10u A ball and somehow that makes what they say more important. And that is insulting as well.

 

[softball_mom1999]

I think this is the point of dedication....if you are dedicated to something then you don't care about other things because your priorities have shifted. That is what dedicated means. But it is a personal choice, you can't fake dedication, either you want to do the thing or you don't. A parent can't make a kid dedicated.

You still have time to do other things, you just don't have as much time.

I can't even fathom how dedication to one thing is in any way unhealthy.

I think that's the point of contention. I'm dedicated to my husband and marriage but I also have other interests that don't involve him. My daughter is dedicated to softball in the sense that she loves playing and practices hard in season and takes lessons and still practices in off season but she has other things she likes to do in life.
Dedication, to the point where you sacrifice your time and relationships with others or have no time for other interests in your life is unhealthy, IMO. But like I said, it's your path to choose.

Edited to add:
Perhaps it's just a matter of reading a forum where everyone is talking about only one thing that makes the TB life seem so obsessive but honestly, when we were doing B-level, we had no life on weekends that wasn't sb related and had practices 2-3xs a week on top of work and school schedules so I don't really think so. LOL

 

[Cannonball]

Long Post do don't read if you don't want to be bored.

Dedication can be both good and bad. I've always struggled about this with my dd. I've always been a coach and so, all my dd has known is that dad is the coach. From a very early age, the bus would drop her off at the HS and she would come to practice. I could tell that she didn't always want to share me. So, one way that she got my attention was to play ball. I can hardly remember a basketball or baseball practice that didn't end with either me or the players working with her. She could have been a very good basketball player as well. Then came the drive from her to be better. Folks in our community always accused me of driving her. I have never done so. In fact, I often worried when she grew up if something was wrong. At age 8 she started attending my advanced hitting camps because she could outhit the 9 and 10 year old boys that were in those camps. (Advanced meaning more one on one attention from the coaching staff and not that the kids were superior) At age 9, she was basically thrown out of the local Rec League because they kept making "special rules" for her. By that age, she was the top pitcher in our community and so, her coach created a TB team and off we went into TB. As she played better competition, we had to make rules for her like such as we did not allow her to cry in public. So, we would get in to a car after a loss and she would break down crying. She was playing for a true rec team playing the top teams in the two state region. At times, it was out of control. Always, ALWAYS, she attacked herself for not being good enough. To be sure, she would then really push herself in the next practices. Again, this obsession to be better scared me. As parents, we could have done a better job because we didn't allow her to change teams until finally the coach said that he was not ready to have his team play against the teams that BB needed to be playing against. So, she was 13 playing 16 and 18U ball. Again, it scared me. Oh, that is when she started wanting to lift as well. She started "lifting" at 10 but I could regulate that. When she got on the older team, they lifted. All you had to say is that it made her better.

BB started on V as a freshman and even that wasn't enough. She had to hit 3rd. The first game, coach hit her in the 6 slot. It was like she hated everyone in the world and heaven help you if you were the pitcher. She wore that girl out. She went 11-0 as a pitcher and threw a couple of no hitters against some very good teams. Her HS coach continually asked her to smile. In fact, she made an out and was so mad that he sat her on the bench. I thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown. She came away from that game trembling. She told her coach that she would do better, do any punishment but please don't ever put he on the bench again.

My dd has not changed. A few weekends ago, her team played in a tournament. She hit .300 for the tournament, hit a couple of home runs, led the team in RBIs, ... So, it was time for her to get on the bus. I walked her to the bus and knew the storm was about to hit. She gave me a hug and asked where our car was. She needed to sit in the car and cry. I told her how proud I was of her and she said that she failed the team and coach. She said that she has worked so hard that she should never do so bad. One thing she constantly says is that she is not good enough. It is hard for me to hear that.

I know a lot of this makes it sound like she is spoiled. Just the opposite. She never ask for anything. Being driven like this is good because she gets A's and we know she understands dedication, commitment, etc. and has tremendous work ethic. Still, I worry so much about her. Today, she has a DH. I won't miss any of her games. I have this need to be there for the storm and live and die with every at bat. I often wonder what would have happened if I had not been a coach and if she had not grown up this way.

Thanks for reading this.

 

[CoogansBluff]

One thing that I see that does not sit too well with me is the "slant" I see in here to overly criticize the choice to be and support the dedicated TB-A life.

RB - I don't see a lot of that sentiment here. I'm sure I'm just not paying attention. But seems to be that this forum is full of folks who live 'the dedicated TB-A life,' so I feel less judged here than anywhere. In fact, I don't really feel that judged in general. I don't spend much time justifying the lifestyle. I'm not around many people who question it. I've made a lot of posts on this forum, but I've never felt the need to post anything that justifies the time and money I put into it. I feel pretty secure in that. I have spent a lot of time over the years questioning my own motives in an attempt to endure that I'm not living through my child, putting undue pressure on here, etc., but I don't feel overly criticized about that sort of thing here. Maybe it's selective reading.

If I were asked what ''slant'' that I find annoying on DFF, it would be the disrespect given to high school softball and its coaches. And I'm not a HS coach, nor do I have a HS player yet. I'm not talking about those who fairly portray the level of play in high school for what it is, but those who consider its mere existence to be a joke and its coaches to be morons. I find myself defending it.

 

[Rocketech1]

Great thread. The only two caveats are:

a) make sure you are doing it for the right reasons (the player should want the travel ball life as much as or more than the parents) and;

b) realize that for 99.9% of the players, there is no future in fastpitch and these kids need to be prepared for what they are going to be doing for the rest of their lives once they peak at 18YO (high school) or 21YO (college).