DD "B" is no longer a pitcher.

[Doug Romrell]

There are a lot of great people here on this site, people I consider good friends, and I haven't even met a one of you. Thank you for your encouragement and support.

 

[cuzmail]

The week before I had given her an exercise to do at home to help with her concentration and focus.

Would you share?

 

[JAD]

As my DD was developing as a pitcher, I would make sure that she was always the #1 or #2 pitcher on her team because in addition to circle time I could also use the "your team is counting on you" motivational speech to get her to practice! She is now 15, and boys and her social life are starting to in-cringe more and more on "bucket time"......

 

[Cannonball]

Doug, a couple of times you have mentioned "fair" and attributed it to being directed toward the HS coach. "Fair" does not exist. What is fair to one most often is not fair to another. The loyalty you want to show to the HS Coach should be directed toward your child as well. Kids are trying to "find themselves." In doing so, sure there is some rebellion. Heck, even I got my dad upset a time or two and I am as boring as they come. Then, you are internalizing it. Give your dd a hug, do your best to understand where she is coming from, offer to be there is she changes her mind and then support her. I went through this. My dd is really struggling right now. She is killing the ball and it is getting caught. She has dropped several points in her BA. After last night's DH, and all was said and done at the field, we walked to the cars. She gave me a hug and held on. She knows I know hitting like no one else in her life. She doesn't need a hitting coach. She needs a dad. So, we stood there in the parking lot for a very long time. Then, she said she had to turn her uniform in and thanks for always being there. Doug, give this a thought - PLEASE!

 

[Carla_IL]

Guys.. I needed this as well. I am a pretty aggressive mom that every once in a while needs to realize this is her dreams not mine.

This song sums it up:
John Mayer & Brad Paisley - Daughters - YouTube

 

[spleen1015]

Spot on! However, I think it's worse when they are 16. It's definitely a dizzying array of things that distract kids now days.

What's interesting is just under two years ago (when she was 14) DD announced that she really wanted to play softball. Having coached my oldest daughter from the age of 11 through 17, I knew she was starting WAY LATE. I also knew it might end up this way, so I was very mopey about it. Interestingly, it was my wife who got after me to the point I went out in the back yard and started off showing her the beginnings of pitching. Then, I got her on a rec team and helped coach that. Then that fall I gathered up 14 of the best rec players I could find and started a competitive team. I really took it by the horns. That's the irony of it all. Wife gets after me, I respond by doing, then the support falls off the table. I guess she thought it would just be the rec stuff, but that's not me, and my daughter wanted more. Yeah, there's a bit of a history with the support issues between me and my wife, so that's not the whole problem here. DD grew up and really started wanting that social life......ALL THE DAMNED TIME. The interest in working on her pitching dropped off the table. Yeah, it was finally me who told her she should tell her HS coach that she's not pitching. Why? Because I have two other dedicated pitchers who need game time and it isn't fair to give the HS coach a false sense of hope in someone who wouldn't work on it. Yes, at this point she's content to play left field on the varsity as a sophomore. I guess that's good enough. Yeah, I thought she had potential to be a great pitcher, but if she's more interested in these other things on the side, I guess I can't change that. Years from now she will regret this as her older sister does, but she's not going to get that now.

Yeah, I'm torn up, and it ain't easy gettin' over it. Not easy at all. Of course, the thing that keeps running through my head is this.... "Is this my fault? Is this my fault??"

It is not your fault. Back in the beginning when she showed interested in playing, had you not stepped up to help her then that's your fault. Today, after you've done all that you have, it is not your fault. At some point she is responsible for what she gets out of life.

 

[cuzmail]

So what is the balance between developing talent and being a parent?

I think it is our duty as parents to ensure that our kids develop their abilities to a point where they can make an informed decision about whether they truly like it or not. It is also our duty to help them realize the long term ramifications of their decisions and sometime step in to help guide them down the correct path. This applies to school, life, softball, ..etc.

My personal story:
I was a very good baseball pitcher from 10-15yo. At 15 I got my driver's license and things changed where the social aspect of my young life took over and I paid less and less attention to baseball. I had a very good opportunity to play in college, but as a young kid I didn't fully understand the gravity of the situation. I regret my choices still to this day and wish that my grandparents had "forced" me to practice and play more when I began to stray at least to the point where I understood what I was doing.

Take from the story what you want and always remember exactly what you paid to be able to read it.

So DR, at this point, I would continue to inquire periodically (without being too pushy) if she wants to continue. After a break, she may realize she made a wrong decision. If not, then you have done all you could. Be proud you were there for her when she wanted you to be.

 

[MandM]

Of course, the thing that keeps running through my head is this.... "Is this my fault? Is this my fault??"

No it is not your fault. You can only do what you can to create the opportunity (which you did!), the passion for the game needs to come from her. Try not to be too hard on her or yourself because ultimately, it is your relationship and support of her that is the most precious thing. I think you were right to set boundaries for her, and then to allow her to choose- because without that, I think it would have been a continued source of conflict, that would likely have worsened. While you may not like the direction she chose, since she is the one who has to put in the work, it is her choice to make.

we do the best we can as parents- there is no set of directions specific to each kid.. I have three and I can vouch for that.

 

[John Michael Kelly]

Doug...good post. I feel your pain! I had a mom not on board so my daughter never really had the unconditional passion for the game. It's so hard, particularly as a dad to get our daughter's to see the big picture...to try our best to save the regret they may inevitably feel. You did your best and I agree that it is unfair to her team to continue pitching if she's not going to commit towards being her best.

Motivation is hard for many kids today. I see too many kids on and off the diamond being "entitled" and often coddled my mom and dad; doing their best to protect them from failure or dis-comfort. Playing competitive sports required all you've got and a willingness to fail. If you can't find the fire inside the belly it's best to take up chess!

 

[Doug Romrell]

It is not your fault.

Oh, I think we parents are often at least somewhat to blame. There is fault on my end. There is fault on my wife's end. There is fault on "B's" end.