My 15 year old has a problem I don't know how to help her with. She's one of 3 pitchers on her team. She's also an outstanding outfielder. Up until this weekend, each girl pitched pretty evenly. They are all pretty much at the same level, but there are times when one has a better weekend than the others. A few weeks ago, my daughter's coach told her that she's faster than the other two, and he plans to use her in championship games, start her more on Sundays, etc. That made her feel really good.
This past weekend, right before their first game of pool play, coach announced who would be starting in which games that day, and my daughter was not starting in any of the three. After the pre-game meeting, she approached the coach and asked him why she didn't get to start any of the games. He told her that he wanted her to be available to come in at the end of a game and close it if we had a big enough lead in the score. My daughter was confused and told him that she wanted to start a game, too, and he said to her (something like), "Well, we want to win."
My daughter's face betrayed her feelings at that moment, and he backpedaled and tried to spin what he'd said, but the damage was done.
He sat her on the bench the entire first game. She was upset, not because of having to sit, but because of what her coach said to her, and she wasn't able to hide it very well.
Next game she got to play 2 innings in left field and then they sat her out for the rest of the game. The 3rd game, she started pitching. She struggled in the 2nd inning because the assistant coach was yelling at her after every pitch to HIT HER MARKS.
(Neither coach EVER yells at either of the other pitchers. Ever.) Coach called a time-out and went out to talk to her, and I could see him yelling at her. At one point, he raised his hand up in the air with one finger pointed, and then stormed back to the dugout. She later told me that he had said, "You have ONE more batter, ONE, and if you don't nail it, I'm pulling you." You can probably guess how well she did after that.
In 7 games that weekend, she played 10 innings total. She was told by the assistant coach that her reaction to not pitching in the first game on Saturday told them (her and the head coach) that she wasn't a team player, that she only cares about herself and not the team, and some other stuff I can't remember. She was devastated to hear all this (and mortified that anyone thought of her that way).
Finally, my question. Was it wrong to express to the coach that she wanted to start in a game? And was it wrong to let her feelings show when he said that mean thing to her? I didn't see her sulking like they said she was, but I did see that she was sad. How could she not be?
How does she go forward from this? She is questioning everything now. She feels like her coaches all of a sudden don't like her.
She's a good kid, and this is hurting her, so it's also hurting me.
This past weekend, right before their first game of pool play, coach announced who would be starting in which games that day, and my daughter was not starting in any of the three. After the pre-game meeting, she approached the coach and asked him why she didn't get to start any of the games. He told her that he wanted her to be available to come in at the end of a game and close it if we had a big enough lead in the score. My daughter was confused and told him that she wanted to start a game, too, and he said to her (something like), "Well, we want to win."
My daughter's face betrayed her feelings at that moment, and he backpedaled and tried to spin what he'd said, but the damage was done.
He sat her on the bench the entire first game. She was upset, not because of having to sit, but because of what her coach said to her, and she wasn't able to hide it very well.
Next game she got to play 2 innings in left field and then they sat her out for the rest of the game. The 3rd game, she started pitching. She struggled in the 2nd inning because the assistant coach was yelling at her after every pitch to HIT HER MARKS.
(Neither coach EVER yells at either of the other pitchers. Ever.) Coach called a time-out and went out to talk to her, and I could see him yelling at her. At one point, he raised his hand up in the air with one finger pointed, and then stormed back to the dugout. She later told me that he had said, "You have ONE more batter, ONE, and if you don't nail it, I'm pulling you." You can probably guess how well she did after that.
In 7 games that weekend, she played 10 innings total. She was told by the assistant coach that her reaction to not pitching in the first game on Saturday told them (her and the head coach) that she wasn't a team player, that she only cares about herself and not the team, and some other stuff I can't remember. She was devastated to hear all this (and mortified that anyone thought of her that way).
Finally, my question. Was it wrong to express to the coach that she wanted to start in a game? And was it wrong to let her feelings show when he said that mean thing to her? I didn't see her sulking like they said she was, but I did see that she was sad. How could she not be?
How does she go forward from this? She is questioning everything now. She feels like her coaches all of a sudden don't like her.
She's a good kid, and this is hurting her, so it's also hurting me.
